


Family or Freedom

by Nerd4ever243



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Decisions, Blood and Violence, Child Abuse, Dissociation, Dysfunctional Family, Family Feels, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Not Canon Compliant, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Insert, Sort-of, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Uzumaki Feels, but this is a rewrite of that shittier version, shit is gonna get fucked up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 54,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd4ever243/pseuds/Nerd4ever243
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zenshi is not having fun, the opposite of fun really, more like the most awful time of her second life. Yeah, you heard that right, second life. </p><p>"Just, fuck me up," she said. </p><p>"That does not make sense, and no."</p><p>"I wasn't talking to you, I was directing it at the world in general."</p><p>Inspired by Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen on FF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

**Author's Note:**

> Still a dumpster for this trash anime even though it's been five years, god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted as Searching For Freedom in Fanfiction.net. For the love of all that's holy please don't go read that version unless you want to scar your eyes and brain.
> 
> Chapter title from the famous poem by Dylan Thomas of the same name.

_ **3rd Person POV** _

Uzumaki Zenshi was born right at the strike of midnight, just missing September 22nd to be born on the 23rd. Right at that moment a young woman another world over breathed her last, the heart monitor going flat and her chest moving no more.

Zenshi did not cry, not even when the medic sent a jolt of chakra through her, she merely yawned and went back to sleep. Her mother was a paranoid woman so as soon as she could, she colored her daughter’s hair and eyebrows black with a mixture her mother had taught her.

Uzumaki Michiko had been living in the Land of Rain for all her life, she had grown up with the stories of the land of Uzushiogakure and she had burned with a mighty need to return there. Her own parents had been itching to leave this moody land and to the Land of Fire but they never quite managed. Their bright red hair had been like honey to flies, vicious bloodsucking flies that tried to take them. Her parents had taught her how to survive as a wandering ninja and now that she had a child she felt a growing warmth and need to do the same. Michiko had stopped dying her hair red but she was able to defend herself, her daughter was not and people accepted the lie that she had found her more readily funnily enough.

However Michiko had never known quite how to stay in one place and her need to move made it impossible to stay in one place for too long. However it was difficult with a child, even one as quiet as her daughter. She wasn’t sure if it was so normal for babies to be so quiet, she had always heard that babies cried too much and were very demanding but her daughter never cried once besides whimper whenever she was hungry or needed to be changed. She took it for normal and made sure to always keep an eye on her daughter.

On one of her trips to a village, baby in her arms, she saw a beautiful piece of jade and was violently reminded of her own mother. She bought it with the small pittance of money she had and “borrowed” some red silk from a neighboring stall. She found a small clearing outside the village and hummed a quiet tune as she carved the jade with a kunai then cut the silk into three strips. Her own mother had done this for her too, she still her necklace made of her mother's hair and silk tied to a blue sapphire. Cutting some of her hair she watched her daughter wave her hands in the air as she yawned and looked around.

Michiko suppressed the urge to shiver when her daughter's eyes landed on her, she knew she shouldn’t be disturbed out by her own child but sometimes she was. It was in the way Zenshi tilted her head when Michiko talked, like she was actually listening, how her eyes followed her even though she knew she couldn’t see properly, all these things and so many other things that made it seem like if her daughter was older.

_‘I need to raise her right,_ ’ Michiko thought and the next village over she found a home.

Well home was an overstatement. She found a rebellion brewing and she felt her blood sing with life. They called themselves the Akatsuki and were trying to overthrow Hanzō the Salamander. She hated Amegakure ninja, they were the ones who killed her family but this rebellion was something she could get behind. They had been suspicious of her but with a daughter in her arms she found a place for them both with them. It probably wasn’t the best situation to raise her daughter but it worked. She could use the skills her parents taught her with these people, she moved with them, fought with them, and whenever she returned to their ever changing base her daughter was waiting for her.

* * *

Then she died in the field and the other ninja without knowing what to do, left the girl in a nearby orphanage. None of them had experience with children and with each passing day there were less of them. Then when the little girl, just turning two, was finally told her mother had died she cried. This cemented their decision to leave her in place that had at least some form of caretakers because they were not fit for the job,

They left her to the orphanage caretakers and flinched at her too knowing eyes. They had realized this when she had been in the camp with them, how she picked everything up too quickly, how she barely made any noise. If they hadn’t seen her growing right before her yes they would have thought her on of those young genius infiltrators. It was very likely she was a genius too, but they didn’t know what to do with her, so to the orphanage it was and if they won the war they would come back for her.

The caretakers took turns taking care of her but they did not spend much time with her on account of three reasons. The first reason being that the orphanage was jam-packed with children, both from the Third Shinobi War and from the ongoing civil war. They were left short on materials, attention to give, time, and patience to deal with them all. Second was that she was too quiet, she didn’t cry, scream, or wail like the others; her eyes tracked everything around her and she never complained only took what she was given and even tried to help them. The third reason was that she upset the caretakers; her blue eyes were laser sharp,  _like the color of bruises_ one of them hissed, and followed them the moment they entered a room, she followed conversations with such an intent focus they shied away from it.

“Demon spawn,” another caretaker called her.

The only one who spent time with her was a young boy named Giichi who had bright blue hair and teal eyes. They were attached to the hip and wherever one was the other was sure to be close. There had never been two such opposite children, but Zenshi seemed to temper the boy while Giichi seemed to bring color and life into the too pale girl.

Then one day a man going by Kongen came and asked for their youngest orphans. The caretakers had been hesitant and wary at first but the man insisted he was taking them to a better place, and they were harried so when the man offered food, money, clothes, blankets, and all other means of supplies they agreed. Either he was telling the truth and the children would find new homes or they would most likely die but that was no different than from their fate here. The Land of Rain was not kind to children; there was a small graveyard behind the orphanage tiny coffins haunting their dreams.

Zenshi, only two years and a few months, didn’t protest as she was taken along with nineteen others, among them Giichi who had just turned five. She was the youngest in the group and thus fell behind once they started walking into the forest after having travelled days in a cart. Danzo picked her up and she immediately fell asleep, not a single noise from her. When he would set her down she would rush to the blue-haired boy and walk with him until she couldn’t keep up anymore, the young boy hissing in her eye reminiscent of an angry cat. Then he would pick her up again and she would go straight back to sleep. 

* * *

Danzo looked at the toddler in his arms and wondered whether to take her with him for Root or whether he should leave her to Orochimaru’s mercy. The Land of Rain was a godforsaken place, either way she would be spared from it and at her young age she would never remember Rain. However, unlike the Akatsuki and their people, he saw nothing interesting in her that showed she would be an asset. The Uchiha children already had chakra at this age, the Yamanaka’s hair started lightening, and the Aburame would have some form of insects already crawling over them. Yes she was young and malleable but there was nothing remarkable about her.

Shaking his head his eyes instead go to a blue haired boy who already had a keen eye on everyone, he was bit feral but nothing Danzo couldn’t bend to his will; he would keep that one. The boy had spirit and seemed loyal to the young toddler he was carrying, his gaze never moving from Danzo whenever he picked her up. The boy had a name but best to make sure he forgot it as soon as possible. If he could focus the loyalty of the boy on Konoha and Root he was sure to make a good shinobi, he just needed to take the girl away from him.

His Root squad made sure not a single child fell behind, they were close to Land of Fire’s border but with tensions still high, Konoha’s Yondaime not even a year dead, the Akatsuki’s leader dead and Hanzō fully paranoid, it was best to make sure no one fell behind. They made it to the border and from there took an underground passage.

Not once did the toddler cry, the other children whined, cried, asked for food, tried to runaway, but the toddler only stirred occasionally, eyes fluttering open every once in awhile and opening her mouth as if to speak before huffing and going back to sleep. While interesting he already had her slated for Orochimaru, females made poor ninja anyway unless they were needed for seduction and he’d rather not have to deal with that. He would set her down to walk with the others but she was tiny compared to the others and struggled to keep up, her small face scrunching up in focus as she tried to keep up.

She was odd, all she had on her was a small necklace made of red thread, a single sphere of jade inscribed with the kanji: 全史. Such an odd name for a girl, if it even is a name: complete history. He wondered whether to take it from her, it would do her no good with Orochimaru but a moment of hesitation,  _weakness_ his mind hissed, made him leave it on her. She had nothing what was this, a small gift, for a girl destined for an early grave. With that he ordered one of his Root to carry the toddler and the continued forward through the dim lit tunnels. In no time at all they were at one of Orochimaru’s laboratories.

* * *

“Orochimaru,” Danzo called.

There was nothing then a gust of wind heralded the arrival of the man. His Root agents showed no sign of unease but he could already see they were prepared to attack. With Orochimaru it was always a gamble to see if he would strike or not. The man’s gold eyes shined in the dark, the low light from computers making his skin seem paler, the shadows making his movements more lithe and serpentine. He would never admit it but Danzo held a distant fear of this man, caution was a given but fear was another thing.

“Your newest test subjects,” Danzo motioned to the children behind him, one of them started to cry but the others were too tired or, in the case of the blue-haired one, there burned something in their eyes.

Orochimaru looked over them all before nodding, “They’ll do.”

“I expect results Orochimaru,” Danzo told him before motioning for his Root agents to grab the boy and come to him. “You know where to find me.”

“Of course, Danzo-sama,” Orochimaru replied and Danzo held in the urge to attack him for the mocking tone.

The Root agent holding the youngest toddler seemed to hesitate, not knowing where to place the child before Orochimaru appeared and took it from him. He watched as the Root agents and Danzo left, a small blue-haired boy following them, and by following them he was fighting every single step of the way there.

“Fish-eyes! Fish-eyes,” the boy yelled and he didn’t know whom the boy was calling for but the boy sure did have a good set of lungs on him. “I’ll come back, I’ll fucking come back for you. Don’t you for one fucking second forget me! You hear, you better fucking not!”

He wondered how Danzo was going to burn the light out of that boy.

“Are you hungry,” Orochimaru asked the crying sniffling children, some of them not even bothering, their eyes dead as they looked up at him. Many of them had the common complexion of the people of Amegakure, pale skin, brown hair, eyes a bit more slanted than others, long thin faces, and brown eyes. Some of them nodded and when he smiled at them, some of them smiled back hesitantly while the others merely looked back down.

“Follow me, I’ll give you food and some new clothes and rooms to sleep in,” he told them.

He made sure his voice was soft and the children huddled around him as he left the analysis room. They entered a well-lit hallway, one of them sneezed as it wasn’t very warm and the children looked like they hadn’t bathed in a while. He went up a flight of stairs, the children’s feet clattering on the steps and echoing through the walls. The higher up they went the warmer it became and with the warmth the children began to gain more life to them. By the time they made it to the kitchen they were talking, questioning where they were, who Orochimaru was, and what they were doing here. Danzo was the stick and Orochimaru was the carrot, in no time the children would be throwing themselves on his lab tables willingly. Willing test subjects were always better to handle.

“Orochimaru-sama,” one of his ninja in the kitchen bowed to him before straightening. “What should I feed them?”

“Whatever we have Senta-kun,” Orochimaru said and the ninja nodded before calling for the children to sit and serving them bowls of miso soup.

The toddler stirred and he looked to it, a bit amused as he had forgotten the child was there. Unfocused big dark blue eyes, with just a hint of purple, gazed back at him before they sharpened and  _looked_ right at him. He stared back and they continued like that for a while before the toddler stuck out one chubby hand and patted his cheek. Tilting his head, he studied it as it retreated its hand and turned to look at the room. There was intelligence there, an unusual spark, that he has seen somewhere else. With her head turned he saw her necklace, a long piece of red thread hidden by a thin overly large grey shirt. Grabbing it he, he studied the jade, a fine quality if small and the name on there: Zenshi. The thread, no not thread it was braided hair with some cloth, was a bright red he had only seen on kimono and on one other person.

Her chubby cheeks made it difficult to tell her features but even with that it was paler than the other children, it's lashes were red though the hair and brows weren’t (most likely colored then), it already had sharp cheekbones, and its face more oval than round. Kushina Uzumaki had blue-ish purple eyes like this child and vibrant red hair that had been the color of fresh blood and bright ripe cherries. Mito Uzumaki had dark grey eyes like charcoal the few times he saw her with Tsunade, but her hair had been that bright red, her skin pale like Kushina’s and this child’s. The shape of their eyes and the brows were the same, the Cupid’s bow most common to children a bit more pronounced as it had been with Mito and Kushina.

He would need a blood test first, he had access to all medical records, and it would be next to nothing to run the baby with Kushina and Mito-sama’s files. Even if it wasn’t a pureblood Uzumaki there had to be some connection. The Uzumaki were known for being sturdy and they had a distant connection with the Senju, surely this one could survive? He couldn’t be this lucky, surely Danzo would have noticed, or perhaps this was a gift the man.

Chuckling he tucked the child closer to him and hummed an old song Tsunade had once sang for their team and for Nawaki. For a moment he thought of them, of what Tsunade and Kushina would do if they ever found out he had a possible Uzumaki he was going to test on. Shoving the thought aside he huffed and took the food his ninja had made for the toddler. They were both gone now, it didn’t matter what they would have thought.

Once all the children were fed he flared his chakra and more assistants came, they didn’t even ask for directions simply heralded the children to their ‘rooms.’ They would know what to do, which ones to send to Otogakure, which to send to his other laboratories. The toddler huffed and shifted in his arms, drawing his attention once more to show it was finished eating. He took the empty container and made the decision to take it with him to his base in Konohagakure, it would make getting the Uzumaki records and results faster, plus if she proved a true Uzumaki his Shodaime experiments were at Konoha itself, ease of access and all that.

Handing it off to a passing assistant with orders to have them sent to the Konoha labs, he left the current lab to head to the Land of Water. He needed to follow up on the Kaguya clan rumors; Kabuto would be able to do any tests he needed on the toddler. Danzo should be able to cover for his absence if Sarutobi asked anything, though that itself was unlikely since Sarutobi was busy trying to fill the space the Yondaime left behind. A swell of bitter vindictiveness came over him but he shook it off before it could settle. If Sarutobi had only chosen him instead of Minato he wouldn’t be in his current mess. Oh well, what is done is done and Danzo had provided the resources he needed anyway. 

* * *

Kirigakure was a desolate place, the mist clung to everything and it made him cold to the bone. He never felt dry here, the sun’s weak light barely lighting the woods he was in. The Kaguya Clan was getting restless, the war had tapered down and they were an old clan more used to fighting than resting. They had only one child with the Shikotsumyaku, but he did have it and the Clan had locked the child up.

The Yondaime Mizukage was busy trying to fix the country and was letting his clans grow restless; this was going to ruin him later on. Orochimaru smiled as he looked over the clan, if all went according to plan it would be no time before the clan did the idiotic and attacked Kiri. He would have a child with one of the most rare kekkei genkai in the world and his deal with Danzo fulfilled by getting rid of a dangerous clan.

Making sure all was in order in this part of the world, he went back to his more local base in Konoha. Kabuto was the one to greet him at the door, in his arms a redheaded toddler.

“Welcome back Orochimaru-sama,” Kabuto said, his fake half-smile turning into a full-blown fake smile. “Say hello Zen-chan.”

“Hello, O-ro-chi-ma-ru-sama,” the toddler said, her gaze laser sharp as she struggled to say his name.

Orochimaru stared at the toddler, the blue-ish purple eyes triggering his memory of the dark-haired toddler he held a month ago.

Orochimaru felt a grin start and he let loose a soft laugh; oh this child was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm rewriting this old thing because I got some new reviews on FF asking to continue it but when I went back I wanted to gouge my eyes out. So here is this. Not gonna lie, imma play fast and loose with canon ages because I did the math and no fucking way could all that happened really be paced like that. If Kishimoto plays fast and loose with his own timeline then so can I. Also unlike before where I tried to actually have a plan I'm doing this as I go because on the spot writing is apparently my best writing. Or so I think. I actually have some mastery over how the English language works but I have no beta so if you spot anything wrong or phrased weirdly feel free to correct.


	2. Old Age Should Burn and Rave at Close of Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When confused, sleep it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long, chapter is long. Feedback is appreciated, a beta would be a miracle.
> 
> Chapter title from the poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night" by Dylan Thomas.

**1st Person POV**

If you would have told me that I would have died and been reborn into a manga I would have told you to stop reading so much fan fiction, then laughed and just told you to keep fan fiction out of real life and you’re good to go. Then I had to take a bullet for someone (baby brother please be alright) and here I am, a twenty year old in a two year old body in a world that I would have rather had stayed fiction.

The rebirth thing I was able to quickly adapt to (oh gods mom dad I’m so sorry), hey when you take a religious studies course it really opens your world, but the Naruto thing, not so much. Ok so I might have been in shock for a bit about the rebirth thing and the first couple months of my rebirth was basically me terrified to shit because I had no idea what was going on. Then my eyesight developed and my hearing sharpened and I was looking into the face of a stunningly beautiful redhead woman who then proceeded to breast feed me.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world but let’s say that as soon as my teeth grew the better. My mother (not my mother, no brown hair, and dark skin, no brown eyes) was a vivacious woman who couldn’t quite keep still or in place for too long. I didn’t mind so much and she tried, I could tell she tried but she was so young, not even sixteen, but she had a fire in her blood that made her twitchy (my family, loud obnoxious laughter gone, forever).

I didn’t want to startle or upset her so I remained quiet, and really glad she didn’t know the progression of babies because as soon as I could stand I was gonna use a fucking toilet. Her name was Michiko, from what she told everyone. I had been taking Japanese courses when I died, and I used every lesson I could remember of to full effect. It was hard to keep up, she spoke so fast and she didn’t write with me but she did sing songs. It was only then that I could keep up, her voice slowing down whenever she singed or told me a story about her parents.

* * *

Then one day she took me and joined a “rebellion.”

I knew how to walk by then but she loved to carry me and I didn’t protest, I got tired easily in this small body. It was so eerie to think of this body as mine; at times I would stare and it and flex my fingers just to see if they would move. Each time they did and each time I was left at a loss, not used to the pale skin (not brown), the softness of my skin (not tough and sun-worn), the lightweight of my hair (my beautiful black hair, the only thing I truly had been vain about, gone), and the slow burn of  _something_ in my blood.

I didn’t know what that burn was but it increased whenever I thought of my family (gone, all gone), of the shitty way I died (I  _hate_ guns), or of Michiko and her flightiness (I want a home, dammit). It could be anger but it wasn’t, not quite, it was as if there was a wall around my emotions. I felt empty most of the time, not happy, not sad, but rather more apathetic. It was half the reason I slept so much and tried not to think of my family, when I did a slow burn would begin in the general direction of my heart and my mind went “not today.” It has been a long time since I have cried: I wouldn’t begin now.

_‘Don’t cry, move on,’_ my (real) mother’s voice whispered in my head.

_‘Crying is for the weak,’_ my father’s voice said,  _‘you are not weak.’_

I had lived by these words then and I would do so now.

Michiko joined the “rebellion” and when I saw the black cloaks with red clouds and silver outline on them my mind went blank and said ‘no’ so I fell asleep. When I woke up and saw Michiko with a red cloak on I stared until she began shifting and hesitantly explained to me that she was doing something important and I would be kept here, on base. I could only nod and when she picked me up and hugged me before leaving me with another cloaked figure I decided too much had happened already and went back to sleep, again.  

I refused to talk to anyone, despite them chattering at me, keeping it simple with nods and shakes of head and my hands. The people were nice and all but I then got into the mentality of thinking these people were cosplayers who maybe took it a little too far and kept it at that. This was all just role-play, nothing else. Those definitely weren’t actual weapons on their persons and this place definitely didn’t rain all the time. Michiko would return beaten up but happy to see me, so I indulged her and smiled back and hugged her whenever she came back. It wasn’t so bad living on the “base” I could run around and do as I please and there were actual scroll and books.

The people ( _not ninja_ ) used candles for lighting places as well as hearths for keeping warm, and the general setup was some sort of post-apocalypse modern-yet-not place with actual tents and that weird modern-but-not style clothing. Whenever I could I got someone to read to me, determinedly trying to memorize each and every kanji and combination thus. It was hard though, because there were so many and previous kanji that I had known now had new meanings, or more like they never moved on to mean what I knew to mean.

I wore a black dress, probably made from the tattered remains of the cloaks, most of the time and well something like satisfaction filled me whenever I looked at my dress. Most of my clothes were black too; something familiar and I actually had the pale skin to pull it off this time too. It wasn’t perfect, god no living in the fucking wild with some cosplayers that had taken things a little too far is no place to raise a child, but I technically wasn’t a child so I had more fun than not.

Then one day Michiko didn’t return, or the day after, or the day after that, not the next week. The cosplayers looked at each other and at me, they didn’t know what to do with me. I never spent an extended period of time with them, mostly with Michiko and now she was gone. Had she finally left me? The thought made my chest start to burn so I shoved it back where it came from. It was understandable if she did; she was young and flighty with a flair for life that rivaled my little sister and brother. She had me young and probably as a mistake, she wanted a life and I was weighing her down. Understandable but it still hurt just a bit and made me a bit bitter. The wall around my emotions seemed to grow and I stayed in my tent for most of the time, only coming out to eat as I slept most of the day away.

It was eventually Shizuka who came into my tent, a young woman with light brown hair and hazel eyes, and explained what happened.

“Zen-chan you know how your mother was working for us, right,” she tell me, hazel eyes darting to look at anywhere but me.

I nod at her but she doesn’t see it so I wait until she looks at me and I nod again. I don’t know about “working” since this was like some sort of LARPing thing but whatever made them feel good I guess.

“I know she hasn’t been back in while and we thought she was hurt but-,” Shizuka paused and fiddled with her hands. She had her cloak on but it hung across her neck more like an actual cloak then as a simplified coat. “Oh Zen-chan, she got hurt real bad.”

At this my heart jumped in my through and once again the burning in my chest began again but I shoved it back down. So Michiko hadn’t abandoned me, she was just hurt thank god. Was she at a hospital then? While not exactly mother material she had been like a sister, kind and well meaning but not my mother. Were they going to take me to her, oh man I can probably finally get a proper bath than the weird tubs they had here.

“Zen-chan,” Shizuka’s voice grabbed my attention again and her tone of voice stopped me and made me turn cold, “your mom- you mom died on the field.”

At first the words didn’t register, I just stared at Shizuka until she began to fidget again.

“Do you know what death is Zen-chan,” she asked me and all I could do was nod. She must have not seen, as she herself wasn’t meeting my eyes again. “It means somebody has lost what makes them, well them and that thing, their spirit, has left us to go to another better place.”

At that the burn in my chest increased and the wall around my emotions trembled as something like anger rose. Who was this little girl to tell me about death? I knew death; I knew those cold hands as it grabbed you and dragged you under into darkness and oblivion without a care for you. It didn’t care about how you still have things to do, people who you love left behind, that you weren’t even started with the world and it was tearing you from it before you could even begin to do something with your life, that you wanted to  _live._ Death was not a joke and how dare this child try to trick me into believing my Michiko had died for their stupid roleplaying games. Except when I looked back at Shizuka I saw grief in her eyes, the same grief that had been in my mother’s eyes as she cried over me.

“Oh Zen-chan don’t cry,” Shizuka said and I hadn’t even realized I had let that stupid salt water leave until she wiped my tears. My body shook as I tried to rein them back in but as she stroked my back and whispered into my ear consolations I couldn’t hold it for long and I cried.

I cried for Michiko, so young and so full of life gone, for my family that was no longer with me because of my stupidity, for my past and what I left behind, for myself and my future because I had no idea what to do or where I was and I am so lost and scared of this new reality. Shizuka held me until I felt exhausted and once more fell asleep. The next day though she left too and didn’t come back either and the slow burn in my chest started up again and bitterness rose like bile in the back of my throat.

Soon afterward the "Akatsuki" took me away from the base camp and left me at an orphanage. I watched them leave, my eyes on their backs as they left me in this desolate place, the rain unceasing and their cloaks disappearing into the light mist. I didn’t hold it against them, a camp was no place for a child, and loath as I was to admit it I truly was a child.

* * *

The orphanage was, well it wasn’t horrible but it also wasn’t great. The caretakers were busy and I was a grown adult so I helped where I could. I have no doubt in my mind they noticed how advanced I was, but after spending so much time with Michiko who hadn’t been aware of child progression, and the Akatsuki who also were at a loss as to child development, I didn’t feel like reigning it in.

I creeped them out, I knew I did from their hushed whispers and how they avoided my eyes but they fed me and gave me chores to do so I continued, listless and without a purpose. This world was so strange, modern only in some aspects and feudal Japan in others, while at times it was like something out of an old cowboy movie. Perhaps it was my world, only maybe nuclear war happened and centuries later the people have recovered and scraped together what they could from this unforgiving land. I held this theory with a grain of salt but it still was better than the panic-inducing thought of this being the Naruto world. Oh sure I had spent some time with a group called Akatsuki who had the black cloaks with red clouds but that could just be coincidence. Leftover tales from a pre-apocalyptic world that survived and someone got their hands on and was inspired in this post-apocalyptic world

That was my theory and I was going to stick with it with all the desperation of an actual two-year-old and my own need to call bullshit.

Then creepy man in black came and I was absolutely fucking done with everything. This was all a dream I was having, I’m probably not even dead perhaps comatose in a hospital bed, this was all a figment of my imagination because what were the odds that fucking Danzo would come to this orphanage in the Land of Rain.

Oh, yeah I figured that one out quick; it rained here all the time, only stopping for an hour or two at a time before coming back down with a vengeance. I loved it; it was beautiful to me, the cold something familiar and comforting to me. The cold never bothered me anyway (ha-ha, Frozen, I’m a fucking riot) because it seemed I ran hot all the time, both me and Michiko did … well, had on Michiko’s part. I had taken it to calling it Rain even if the caretakers and the Akatsuki hadn’t confirmed it for me, it didn’t mean anything though, people called things by what they were all the time. It rained here so why not call it the Land of Rain, there had been places in my world that had been called Land of Rain, the entire state of Washington for example.

I watched as Danzo-look-alike talked with the caretakers, their distance too far away for my tiny ears. I wasn’t alone in spying, there was a gaggle of small children behind and over me as they tried to overhear.

“Whath they say,” asked Miko, a girl with a lisp and beautiful black hair.

“The old man is saying something about, uh food and clothes,” Daichi said, eyes focused as he leaned forward. “Oh man I think we’re finally gonna get some donations!”

“Yeah but what does he want,” Giichi said, something like a kitten growl escaping him.

Giichi had vibrant blue hair that I wasn’t sure whether was real or not. Like can children color their own hair, isn’t it painful especially to get his hair that blue, even his eyebrows and eyelashes were blue. He also had the most beautiful light blue eyes I had ever seen that bordered on teal. He reminded me of someone, someone from before but I couldn’t place where.

He was a very suspicious boy, always starting a fight, arguing and snarling like some tiny pissed off kitten. I liked him very much; he had a flare for life that reminded me of my brother and cousins. He also really likes to sleep with others so it wasn’t uncommon for him to drag all the smaller children into one giant pile. A bit bossy and a little ferocious I enjoyed his company nonetheless and he was the only one who didn’t shy away from me.

“Fish-eyes, you got anything,” he asks me as he tugs on my hair. I didn’t really care much his nickname for me though.

I shook my head no and he huffed before brazenly going out the door and making his way downstairs. He was very brave, if a bit of an idiot, but he was just a five-year-old boy. The others waited with baited breath as he walked to the matron and glared at the man in black before demanding answers from the matron. She hushed him before smiling at the man in black and had Giichi shown to the kitchen.

It wasn’t until suppertime that we got an answer to what had happened.

“Everyone,” the matron called after we finished eating, “pay attention, I have an announcement.”

There had been an abundance of food, enough to actually feed everyone and serve seconds. I was slumped next to Giichi, who had let loose a rather impressive burp and was struggling to remain awake. I turned to the matron and didn’t hold back the yawn that escaped me. This is the first time I had felt full in a long time and I was very pleased with my lot in life. It’s the little things in life that count, so what if creepy man in black had looked like Danzo? People had look-a-likes all the time, in my old world I had even come across a painting that had looked like me drawn four centuries before I was even born. Coincidence, nothing more, maybe he had only looked like Danzo from a distance but if I saw him up close he probably looked different, yeah.

I was full, content, warm, with a friend leaning against me, and the small chatter of kids everywhere. If I closed my eyes I could almost pretend I was back to before, at a family gathering with all my little siblings and cousins.

“Some of you will be leaving with Kongen-sama to a new orphanage,” Naiō-san said. “He has given the this orphanage gifts but in return he needs to fill his own orphanage or else he loses funding.”

I didn’t know how orphanages worked but that sounded highly suspicious but somehow plausible. There were a lot of children here, I had kind of assumed it was the only one around but this was an entire country, of course there were more orphanages. This Kongen guy had looked suspicious so it was possible maybe he was committing fraud when he got his resources but maybe someone caught wind and he needed kids to show he was lying. With each thought it seemed plausible and I shrugged before poking Giichi and going upstairs to sleep.

Should have questioned the entire transaction and explanation more. When Naiō-san said some she actually meant everyone under five and that we were leaving the next day. It hadn’t occurred to me that I would be going away too. All I could do was follow as we were pushed outside to where Danzo-look-alike was waiting with from masked people. Some kids began to cry the moment they saw them and my brain froze.

_“Nope, not happening, nope,’_ my mind went and all thought fled me.

We were put in carts like cargo and left the orphanage behind. No one was there to see us go, we were twenty in total, ages ranging from five to me of two years. Giichi was silent for once as he sat by me. The rain soaked through my worn grey shirt dress and soon enough the others began to cry because it was cold, they were hungry, they were afraid and the creepy man in black and his guards did nothing until little Miko got up and tried to clamber down.

Her scream of fright turned my head and I watched as her fingers bled, a short black knife sticking from the wood where her hand had been. All she had was a small scratch but in the grey light the blood was bright ruby red and her tears fat as they trailed down her face to mix with the rain. Giichi made a sound in the back of his throat and he turned to the one of the guards and threw himself at one of them. They caught him easily, his little fists making no purchase as he struggled and tried to claw and bite at the figures.

There was emptiness, the wall around my emotions that had been slowly retreating at the orphanage came back full force and I felt nothing as they threw him back into the chariot.

_‘This isn’t real,’_ my mind whispered and I could only agree.

The rain began to lighten with every day that passed, and with each day and continuing escape attempts the children got quieter and quieter. Giichi though, bless his stubborn heart, never once stopped fighting and struggling. Then the rain stopped and after a while the sun actually decided to peek through. The children collectively fell silent and stared up in awe of the sun; it was truly a rare day when the sun decided to appear at the orphanage and never with such intensity. Even I basked in it for a while, Giichi slumped beside me like a content cat, all the fight and anger bleeding out of him as he yawned with the rising sun.

I too began to drift off as the sun sucked the cold from my very bones and made me feel warm. The warmest I had felt in a long time. With my eyes drifting shut I could almost imagine it was my mother wrapping me in a hug, the smell of cooking rice and she always seemed to have engulfing me along with just the tiniest hint of mint. I missed her, I missed my family, when was I going to wake up?

Apparently when my stomach demanded, a truly loud growl of my stomach woke me up and I felt myself blush in embarrassment.

“Damn fish-eyes,” Giichi said next to me.

I turned and stared at him until he relinquished my cut of the food. They had been feeding us but really shitty food. For the first few days I had been fine, the meal at the orphanage had made me so full didn’t need to eat for a bit, though I did take my cut of the food and hid it for later. It was no wonder the caretakers had fed us, last meal and all that. The only thing I hated more than shitty food was lack of food so I ate what they gave us.

Or at least I ate the minimum and gave the rest to either Giichi or the hungrier kids. Really, Danzo-look-alike was a fucking dick and I hope he trips and dies on our way to wherever the Hades we were going. So long as the place had shade I could almost forgive him if his face didn't offend me so much on principle.

Speaking off, the sun was now my enemy: truly a betrayal of the highest kind. Before, I had skin that rejoiced in the sun's rays, I could be out in it for hours and laugh in the face of sunburn or heatstroke because goddamn I was blessed in that way. Now, well the less said the better. Before I had loved both day and night, I could nap in the sun and enjoy the moonlight, I loved cold and hot equally because where I live the temperature had been steady and beautiful.

I glared at the sky and cursed the sun for existing; my skin was so bright red it hurt if anyone touched me. Was there no such thing as sunscreen in this place? I would kill a man for sunscreen. Giichi, bless his heart, took off his shirt and threw it on top of me to protect me from the affront that was the sun. A true gentleman that boy would be, if we didn’t die from exposure or whatever.

I don’t know how long we traveled for but I counted seventeen sunrises before we finally stopped and rolled onto the side of a road.

“Get out,” one of the guards said.

We just looked at him.

He pulled out a knife.

We were out of there in less than two seconds.  

What an asshole.

Then he set fire to the cart. With his mouth.

“Whoa,” Giichi gaped, teal-blue eyes glimmering as he stared at the guard.

I was still trying to process the fire from mouth thing. A part of my mind was hysterically pointing out that was fucking impossible. Another part was trying to figure out how someone could do that without having safeguards in place. Then another part was simply insisting this all wasn't real and I am in a fucked up dream. The part that had been wondering about the safeguards noticed that the fire was actually pretty hot and kind of burning me, also a stick was stabbing my toe and that hurt.

“They’re ninja,” one of the children whispered behind me and I flinched.

Nope, nope, nope, shut down; shut everything down.

My mind went blank and that emptiness rose up and I let Giichi pull me along as we were herded to forward into the forest. One of the guards (‘ _ninja,’_ my mind whispered,  _‘shut uuuuup’_ I replied)stayed behind for some reason and only creepy old man and Guard #1 were with us. I tried to keep up but I had the shortest legs and Giichi soon ended up half dragging, half pushing me forward. We were falling behind and honestly if they left us in the wild here I’m pretty sure Giichi and I could survive. I knew a thing or two about wildlife survival, Before I had gone on many camping trips with my astronomy club, on many of those trips we had decided to do a Survival kind of thing where we split up and used only our knowledge of the stars to guide us.

Never mind the fact that I had no idea if the stars were even the same here, or if there was even a nearby village or whatever, or that in many of those trips we at least had tents and a bag full of food and clothing and I had my switchblade/pocket knife in case of anything.

Unfortunately, Danzo-creep noticed this and fell back to be right behind us. This motivated me somewhat to pick up the pace because  _holy shit_ did the dude have a creepy stare. Why were we even in the woods? Nothing good ever happened when kids went into the woods. Horrifying things happened and honestly crazy-eyes behind us hadn’t made a good impression since I saw his slimy self in the orphanage. Oh gods please don’t let him have a thing for kids, god  _please._ Just the thought made bile rise in my throat and I picked up the pace as for a long as I could but I was small, I was tired, and goddammit I am two!

No two year-old should be left days with nothing to eat but shitty granola that tastes like dust with only water to wash it down. No two year-old should be made to walk for so long or be left in the searing sun or bitter cold and rain without protection. A lump rose in my throat and though I was mentally twenty, my body was two and I was miserable and the urge to cry was so very strong.

Giichi was tired from hauling me around too, I could tell in his staggering steps. So I let go his hands and whoa, I did not know he had been the one keeping me up all this time.

“Fish-eyes,” Giichi yelled and rushed to get me but before he could, old rough hands grabbed me and I was hauled up into surprisingly strong arms.

_‘This cannot be my life,’_ my mind whispered as I looked up into the dark eyes of Danzo-creep.

He really did look like him up close.

Yeah, not going to deal with that right now.

So I laid my head down and knocked out.

Really, that is not how I should deal with things but sleeping makes everything seem like a dream until you- well wake up. Which was not fun at all, because when I woke up again we were in an underground tunnel.

An under-fucking-ground tunnel.

Why hello claustrophobia; good to know you followed me into the next life.

The urge to scream was so very strong; I  _hate_ enclosed spaces more than anything. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, then opened my eyes and yeah that wasn’t helping so I closed them again and counted to thirty. That helped a little so I kept doing that as creepy-eyes still carried me. He would occasionally set me down, and I would rush to Giichi’s side because even in the dim light of a single torch I could spot his lovely blue hair from a mile away.

“This is bullshit,” Giichi hissed at me and I could only nod in agreement. “Where the fuck we even going?”

Bless his foul mouth, he cursed more than I ever did and he was the reason I knew so many curse words now. I don’t know where he got them from but he had so many colorful expletives it was not uncommon to see him be put outside because he had offended one or all of the caretakers.

Man-in-black, never once talked to us or said anything about where we were going. His guards were equally silent and equally creepy, always shuffling us along and threatening to cut our limbs off whenever one of the kids tried to make a break for it. In the tunnels though they looked like wraiths, their bone-white masks the only things that caught the light and reflected it back, making it seem as if the masks were floating in the dark with no bodies. Almost like No-Face but ten times more terrifying in person and not cute.

I touched my necklace, a gift from Michiko, which held my new name. I had just gotten used to it when I was sent to the orphanage, after going so long with another name it was hard to respond to Zenshi for a while, but the name is mine now. Only the caretakers had used it at the orphanage, thanks to Giichi everyone else had taken to calling me Gyogan, or Toto. The former meant something like fish-eyes, while the later just meant fish, what a bunch of jerks. I don’t even know why they called me that, though according to Giichi it’s because I have big eyes. I had heard from other kids though that my eyes looked like the glazed over eyes of a dead fish. Again, what a bunch of tiny assholes.

I had been afraid Danzo-creep was going to take it from me, the jade was a really nice piece, but he had only grabbed it and inspected it before letting it fall back to my throat. I wonder if he knew Michiko had used her hair and silk to make it. Michiko had the most beautiful red hair I had ever seen, it was I pity I never got it. I loved playing with it, the length of it impressive and there had been so much of it, it was like rope in my hands. She had been a beautiful young woman, with an oval face, high cheekbones, a wide grin that made it seem like the sun was coming from her. The ever-constant burn of something beneath my skin wanted to rise but once again I shoved it back down, I missed Michiko but I already cried for her.

* * *

I don’t know how long we were in the tunnels but when we emerged it was into a big cave with, oh sweet gods bless, computers. It took more restraint than I had to go to them, so I mentally threw my hands in the air and rushed to one. Before I could reach one of them though, the guard who had been hauling me around (Danzo-creep finally got tied or whatever) picked me up by my waist and wagged a finger in my face.

He wagged a finger at me.

What was I, an errant puppy?

Looking them in their eyes holes I glared and very slowly flipped them the bird. Bless Giichi for showing me that this was still a valid insult in this world. The guard and I stared at each, a battle of silent wills, as his hold on me went to underneath my armpits. I don’t know how long we stared at each but enough for me to realize that I was really, really tired.

NO! This was a matter of pride now … and computer use!

I couldn’t even see the eyes of the guard from their stupid blank porcelain mask. Soon enough my head began nodding off and though I struggled valiantly to stay awake I fell back to sleep. It was short lived though because  _something_ woke me up. It wasn’t visible but I could  _feel_ it in the air, something insidious and malevolent. No, not malevolent.

Before I had gone to Guatemala, on a trip with my family to see more of our relatives, and there I had encountered an eyelash viper right by the trees of my family’s rustic home on the edge of the jungle. Snakes don’t have eyesight as we know it, but it sure as hell looked like it was staring at me. It had been a beautiful creature, a mixture of yellow green that made it almost invisible to me in the trees, if it hadn’t struck out at a passing bird. My heart had been in my throat, it had missed the bird but now its attention was on me, its body wrapped tightly around a branch showing off a strength in it’s body that I knew would be impossible for me to pry off.  Its head moved side-to-side, tongue flickering out to taste the air. We had looked at each other, the snake moving slowly back onto the branch before is hissed, mouth opening to reveal sharp poisonous fangs, then slithered back into the tree.

When its eyes had been locked on mine, the air around me had felt thick and hot, its gaze holding me mesmerized as I realized that if it decided to strike I would be dead and it was all up to the snake. That gaze that moment, take it and multiply it by fifty and that’s how the aura felt. Prey that had gathered the attention of a predator, that your life would be forfeit to some creature that in the end did not care if you lived or died. I was just another meal, easily disposable, I was nothing in the face of this oncoming storm.

“Orochimaru,” Danzo-creep said and my heart stopped

There was nothing, then he was everything, filling the room with nothing but his presence. My heart hammered beneath my fragile ribs, I wanted to get away but where to hide? He wasn’t even looking at me but it felt as if his gaze was on me. Shivering, I held on tight to my guard and tried to blend in with his uniform.

“Your newest test subjects,” Danzo said and my world broke.

I watched distantly as they talked, a hysterical laugh building in my chest.

Test subjects. For Orochimaru. I was in one of Orochimaru’s lab, the same ones that had a ninety-nine percent death rate. I was fucking doomed.

Sound didn’t return until my guard placed me in Orochimaru’s arm.

Orochimaru. I hadn’t even seen him move from across the room.

_‘This isn’t real,’_ my mind hissed.

I closed my eyes as I fell slim strong arms wrap around me, like a snake curling around its prey choking the life out of it.

“Gyogan! Gyogan,” I heard and opened my eyes to look at Giichi. He was thrashing and fighting as the guards dragged him away from us.

Could my heart really hurt this much if this wasn’t real, are these emotions artifice? There had been a story in my old world, a well known one that coma patients could live years in their state and form an entire world before being woken up. Was this it? Why would I torture myself like this?

“I’ll come back, I’ll fucking come back for you,” he said, blue hair standing on end somehow, like an angry cat. “Don’t you for one fucking second forget me! You hear, you better fucking not!”

Oh little boy, I was still holding on to my family from Before, what was another list to the people I was separated from. I watched as they disappeared back into the tunnels, my heart breaking in my chest. That infernal burning beneath my skin was back but this time I didn’t push it back. I let it stay. If this is real, then holding back my emotions wasn’t going to help me. If this was fake- well then this is a cruel dream I have given myself and I’ll end up losing this game anyway so why not pour my heart out?

The arms around me were strong and well muscled, warm to the touch despite the frosty aura that was going away after Danzo disappeared. We entered a kitchen and the smell of food assaulted me, a painful squeeze of my stomach reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything in a while now.

Hunger pains were a biological response, not emotional. Being tired from walking, Giichi’s hugs, all those falls I had when I was relearning how to walk, the feel of my hair against my face, those were all sensations I had experienced, not emotions.

Shifting in “Orochimaru’s” arms I turned to him and really looked. His eyes snapped to mine and my heart was in my throat once again. As I was studying him so was he studying me and it was a bit terrifying. A part of me still wanted to hold back though, so if this was fake and some sick cosplay idea then the person had done some serious fucking work to get to look like this. Everything was accurate, right down to the eyes slit eyes and purple markings.

Those weren’t contacts either: his eyes truly were gold with the pupils slit like a snake (wouldn’t that cause vision problems?). He had very nice long black hair, again not a wig from what I could see. Maybe it was all makeup? How would this person react to me touching them?

_‘Fuck it,’_ I mentally shrugged and stuck out a hand to touch his face.

When no makeup came off to show it was a cosplay I turned away from him and looked to the other children. The person feeding them was a young man dressed in a lab coat with a dark blue turtleneck beneath it and green cargo pants that were wrapped with bandages at the end tucked into blue open toe sandals.

_‘Fuck,’_ I thought,  _‘This is the Naruto-verse.’_

I felt fingers tuck at my necklace and my hands immediately went to it. Orochimaru was examining it, a finger rubbing the jade. Then it touched the thread and he chuckled as he tugged out a hair from it. Indignant I tried to reach for it but he stuck it in a pocket before chuckling and rearranging me in his hold. He fed me, which honestly surprised me.

Orochimaru hadn’t seemed to me like someone who knew how to deal with kids but within minutes he had all the children, and me, comforted. I knew who he was, what he did, what he had in store for us, but even I caved in to his charming smile and calm voice. He hummed a tune, soft and reminiscent of a lullaby and within no time I was asleep.

For the first time, I dreamed.

Since I had arrived here I hadn’t dreamed, or at least I hadn’t remembered my dreams. I dreamed of my home, of the hot summers and temperate winters that just meant rain. My mother’s soft smiles, my father’s boisterous laugh, my siblings voices, my cousins jokes, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and my great grandparents. Gone, it was all gone. I was alone without them. My heart ached and in my dream I kissed them all goodbye.

* * *

When next I woke up a dark-haired woman was carrying me. I watched as the landscape blurred from her fast pace, she was tree jumping. I didn’t say anything as we travelled to wherever and when she set up camp she set me down and taught me how to make a fire. We didn’t talk, barely looked at each other, but her hands were steady as she taught me how skin a rabbit. Her voice was soft and her breath smelled of mint as she told me what plants were good for using as toilet paper and what bushes had fruits and edible roots.

She saved my ass too when I had taken some berries and was about to eat them, their dark purple juice staining my hands, only to have her slap the out of my hands.

“Poisonous,” she said, “Deadly Nightshade, not to be confused for blueberries.”

Oh shit, I dropped them faster than a burning branch. By the time we got to where we were going I knew how to hunt and skin my own food, though setting a trap would be better for me since I wasn’t quick or very silent to actually hunt or had enough strength to kill a rabbit or bird with one blow. I never got her name and she never asked for mine but as she carried me with her into the underground bunker, cleverly hidden by a copse of trees, I found myself reluctant to part from her. As she set me down in a sterile white room, she let her hands ruffle my hair and gave me a small smile.

“Good luck,” she said and then left me.

The steel door closed behind her and I felt a lump lodge itself in my throat. Looking around I felt fear make itself known; the room was set up like a hospital operating room. My heart picked up the pace and I shifted on the bed, unable to keep still as my blood began to burn beneath my skin. Huffing, I carefully slid down a leg and onto the floor. Goddamn am I tiny, my head doesn’t even reach the bottom of the bed. I used to be tall, had taken pride in being the tallest of in my entire family, now I couldn’t even get back up the bed without a great amount of effort that was equal to mountain climbing.

Pushing those thoughts aside I examined what I could of the room. Unfortunately there was no chair or computer (the real tragedy here), and there was a stand that could hold an IV but there was no IV there for now. The room was huge, in relative size to me, and the floor was a grey polished tiles and white walls. There were fluorescent light on the ceiling but something reminiscent of an over glorified lamp with four heads by the bed. All types of machinery were by the bed; along with a rolling cabinet that when I pushed with my meager strength made the thing rattle. When I tried to open it though they were locked and I had no handy paperclip to shimmy the lock with.

There were three steel tables with wheels on them and because I was bored I removed the locks on them and rolled them to wall with what looked like a sink. With a little struggle, removal of shitty shoes, and some falls I managed to get on top of one tables. On top were plastic gloves, some doctor’s blues, masks, towels, sheets, mats, and elastic bands and the wall actually did have a sink, a really deep one that I could fit in. Perfect.

I took off my dirty dress and underwear, they were filthy, and I hadn’t had a change of clothes since the orphanage and a decent bath in what seemed like forever. The place was freezing and I could get sick but enough was enough and I was tired of feeling filthy. There was soap; it smelled of nothing so it was probably some kind of disinfecting stuff, which I honestly did not even care for. I turned on the water and almost fell off the sink onto the tile floor because it was  _cold._

Shivering I duck my head under the water and grit my teeth against the cold water that freezes my head and trickles over my neck. In no time though I’m scrubbing furiously at my skin, my pale skin rubbed raw as I raked my cracked nails over the skin to rid it of all the dirt and grime stuck to it. The cold water even begins to feel warm as I continue scrubbing my hair and myself. The water runs grey and then black, too black. I take my hands from my hair and stare at the black ink staining them. What the hell?

With a new vigor I scrubbed at my hair until the black finally washed out and it felt like I had rubbed my scalp bald. Michiko had always been the one to wash my hair before, she had used a different shampoo for me, I had thought it was since I was a baby and needed different kind of soap and shampoo. I had thought I had black hair but as I yanked some hair from I looked at it and stared at the strands. Underneath the faded dye peeked out a spots of bright red, ruby red like Michiko’s. I was a fucking redhead. Hell. Yes.

Turning the water off I grabbed as many towels as I could and dried off, a faint thrum in my chest as I marveled at the new revelation. Gods, you’d think I’d notice if my own mother was dying my hair but apparently I hadn’t, go figure. The cold from the steel table and the room began to seep into me and I shivered so harshly I fell to my knees. Once dry I grabbed on of the blankets and tied it on me toga style and then gathered as many blankets and towels and covered myself with them. I was damn comfortable and just starting to drift off when the steel door opened.

Looking out from my new palace of sheets I watched as a young boy dressed in a grey uniform looked up from his notepad and to the bed. The bright lights catch his nerd glasses and make them shine while also making his grey hair look like polished silver. His brows furrow as he looked to one side and then when his attention went to my corner I shifted further into my blanket fort.

I did not want to deal with Yakushi Kabuto right now or ever, thank you very much. Maybe if I didn’t move or make a sound he would go away, a childish part of me thought and I closed my eyes in an effort to sleep and avoid all my problems. This of course doesn’t work and I can hear him as he approaches me, no doubt on purpose because he is a super-sneaky ninja that probably could walk across a bridge of glass and not only not break it but not even leave footprints.

“Hello,” I hear and hold my breath. Please just go away. “My name is Kabuto and I’ll be helping you today.”

I don’t know what I had been expecting him to sound like, perhaps like the anime, perhaps like a grown man, but the voice I heard was soft, almost sweet and gently, that of a young boy not a grown man. Silence reigned for a moment before I heard a soft sigh coming from right next to me.

“It would help if you left the blankets,” he said and curiosity took over me and I shifted my sheets until I could look out.

Onyx eyes from behind black wire framed glasses met mine and he gave me a smile. It was as fake as my little sister’s "innocent face" when she tried to say she didn’t do anything. He must have been able to see my glare because his smile fell and only the shadow of amusement shadowed his eyes.

“Hey there,” he said and reached out a hand. I drew back further into my very comfortable not warm set of blankets. “If you could please come out? I need to make sure you’re healthy. You can trust me.”

At that I snorted and poked my full head out, what a bunch of horseshit, but it’s not like I could do anything. He smiled when I stuck my head out but raised a brow when I didn’t leave my blankets. We stared at each other for a few more moments until he came over and picked me up. His brow went up higher as I my toga blanket trailed after me, it could easily wrap around me three times over. I had just been getting warm so when he picked me up the cold air in the room made me shake as it leeched all my hard earned warmth from me. He set me down on the bed and I immediately tugged my toga blanket closer and the rest of the sheets on the operating bed closer to me until I was once again swaddled in the sheets.

“I’m sorry about the cold,” he said softly as he opened the drawer that had been locked. “But the cold is good for storing purposes.”

I stared as he pulled on some gloves and grabbed a needle and some small glass bottles for blood. The little shit was gonna bleed me dry and I couldn’t do shit about it besides cross my arms tightly around my small stupid tiny weak body. Glaring at him as he walked over I refused to give my arm until he pulled out a sweet.

I stared. No, no I was not a child.

“If you give me your arm I will give you this,” he said.

I am a twenty-year-old grown as woman.

He waved the purple sucker in my face … I am an adult damn it.

“It is grape but I can change-” I didn’t even wait for him to finish I had the sucker and was tearing the plastic off, other arm outstretched.

I haven’t had candy since I was reborn and oh my god I am weak. I closed my eyes in bliss as the sweet artificial flavor touched my tongue and lit my taste buds. Gods, I was such a sucker for grape flavored sweets; I don’t even care that Kabuto was taking my blood; I got a fucking lollipop out of the deal. I didn’t even feel as he inserted the needle, I was too busy eating my candy. Soon enough he was pressing a bandage to the inside of my elbow, three small bottle of blood in his pockets.

“Why is your hair wet,” he asks me. I point to the sink and watch as he turns to it and studies the moved steel table, the wet towels, then and my wet hair. “Ah.”

He took out some swabs and the weird long wooden stick thing they stick in your tongue along with a whole bunch of things. A stethoscope made an appearance and I watched him as he placed it on his person and placed the clipboard on the bed. I could see kanji on there but I couldn’t read all of them, hell I could barely understand five much less the ones they were next to that might change the entire meaning of the damn things. He took my wrist in hand placed finger right over my pulse, looking at the timer next to him before stopping and scribbling on his clipboard.  

The exam continued much like any normal medical physical exam and soon enough I was following him as he led me to a scale, tested my reflexes with the tiny hammer, took a swab to my cheek, checked my breathing, studied my eyes, took my temperature, inspected my ears, he even plucked some hairs. As he checked my throat and the area right underneath my chin but not yet my neck, he saw my necklace and grabbed it.

What was it with people and grabbing my necklace?

I grabbed it and tugged at it, letting my frown speak for what I thought of his actions. Mostly that he was a jerk-face and a butt-munch but still.

“Zenshi huh,” he said as he let it go and scribbled on his chart. “Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?”

I briefly thought of walking under my own power, but I was exhausted and cold so I raised my arms and demanded to be carried. He laughed a little but took me into his arms and wrapped me in the extra length of my toga blanket. He was very warm, why was everyone really warm but me?

He walked to a room more like an actual laboratory and sets me down on a table that reminded me of my college chem lab. Kabuto walked to back and I perked up as I saw a computer, but when he turned it on it took forever and there was nothing but green letters on it. It was one of the really old school computers.

A moment of silence for the loss of Internet and all possible hours that would have been wasted on it.

The lab table was high up, I couldn’t jump down but it seemed that in this new body I can never stay still, that itch underneath my skin making me move and soon enough I was fiddling with a bunch of small glass tubes filled with different liquids. Looking up, Kabuto was still messing with the computer and placing my blood in other tubes and the swab in another tube filled with a mixture. It wouldn’t hurt if I messed with some of these chemicals, right?

Who fucking cared there were chemicals and Kabuto left an unsupervised child, his fault. I grabbed one of the glasses, one that was shaped like a bong, they all looked like bongs now that I thought of it. Pouring some pink concoction inside I swirled it and studied it. It was a bit thick, sticking to the walls of the glass.

Fascinating.

Now what would happen if I poured some of the black stuff in it?

Time to make things blow up, or blow myself up, or create fumes that could kill me, who cared I wanted to science the shit out of this stuff. Before I could pour it in the glass was pushed away as another hand deftly snatched the tube of black stuff from my hand. Huffing I glared at Kabuto who gave me one of his fake smiles.

“No,” he said as he placed the tube back and picked me up. “Bad Zenshi.”

Gaping at him I had the strongest urge to claw his face off. I wasn’t a dog! Probably sensing my intentions he set me down next to him, far away from the chemicals, and started typing. It wasn’t long before I was bored and tried to look at what he was doing. The characters were green, in kanji, and Kabuto was typing at a speed that I would have killed for back in college. The kanji formed and moved so fast I felt my eyes cross as I tried to process it.

“You don’t talk much do you,” Kabuto asked me and I gave him a look.

I hadn’t spoken at all. Not since I was reborn, the closest I came to was when Shizuka informed me of Michiko’s passing but that was technically wailing not speaking. It had become habit, honestly I didn’t even know if I could speak after going so long without doing so, could I even form sound? Even if I could, I hadn’t gotten a good grasp of the language yet. Oh, I understood it but speaking it was another matter. The way they talked, they wrote, even how they formed sentences was different to the Japanese I learned so long ago. It was more archaic, the kanji meaning something else from what I had known, the way they addressed themselves more in line to how elders talked from Before not how the youth had, the one I had been more familiar with.

“Would you like to know your results,” he asked me.

Looking to the screen then I looking to him, I tried to read the now still screen. Again the kanji was odd, the only thing I could make out was my name and my height and weight. I nodded my head and pressed a hand against the screen. I wanted to know more about myself.

“Blood type B, age 2-3 years, weight 9.2 kg, you’re underweight,” he said and patted my head, “height 76.4 cm, stunted growth, female, high content of pheomelanin, dark blue eyes, presence of ephelides, and very little melanin pigmentation.”

What.

Fucking.

Nerd.

He quirked a brow at me, and I looked down, trying to avoid his knowing look but a smile slipped through anyway and he patted my head and chuckled.

* * *

Kabuto took care of me, I don’t know why, I don’t think I’ll ever know why but he took it upon himself to take of me.

“Can you speak Zenshi,” he asked me one day as we were eating.

Shrugging I focused on demolishing my bowl of eggs and rice. I was pretty sure the eggs were reptile eggs; mostly because thanks to my great grandmother I’ve had reptile eggs before, bless that crazy woman. Also there hadn’t been a chicken here that I knew of but in my exploration of the place I had come across a room that was nothing but snakes in tanks basking under their sunlamps.

Cute vicious little bastards, I had been looking at what I was sure was a black mamba that had stared at me before striking the top of his tank and I had booked it out of there before I could die. Focusing on my egg I grinned at the thought of it being the young of that snake. Ha, take that snake, humanity once again asserting its dominance over the food chain.

“Have you tried speaking,” he asked.

I shook my head no and fiddled with my chopsticks. Before I had been a pro at these things but now my child hands were awkward and small so I couldn’t hold them properly. Kabuto pushed the spoon at me and I glared at it, I would not be defeated by cutlery! Were chopsticks cutlery or was that a Western thing? Did the West exist here? It had to, there have been some very “Western” things I saw but at the same time not really. Ugh, thoughts.

“Zen-chan,” I heard and my head snapped up. Did he just add chan to my name? “Zen-chan do you think you can say my name.”

The suffixes aren’t that weird, they’re the equivalent of Mr., Ms., and Mrs. back from Before but there hadn’t been an equivalent of -chan or -kun in English. Perhaps the -asha of Russia was an equivalent but I don’t know much about Russian etymology so I could just be spouting bullshit. Either way -chan and -kun was to be used on the young with -chan being used with girls and -kun for boys but they could be used for either gender. They should only be used to people you were close with though, and if you insisted on being addressed as -chan then you were generally seen as rude and a bit childish. Then again I learned all this from Before so who knew if this even applied here but so far it had seemed to.

Shit brain get back into gear, what had Kabuto asked me? Oh say his name, right. Could I? Should I? I looked at him, his head tilted to the side, eyes focused on me, smile soft and real not the fake one he sported all the time. He was adorable.

The thought surprised me. When did I begin to see him like that? Physically he was older than me, he looked around twelve or thirteen while I was just two years old. But, he was just twelve; my youngest brother had been twelve when I had taken a bullet for him. There was still baby fat on him, making his face softer and childish. He hadn’t even hit puberty yet; his hair framed his face, not yet long enough to put back into his signature ponytail. Just twelve and already working for Orochimaru, murdered people, killed his adoptive mother, worked for Danzo, and he would only get more dangerous with time so much so that he would be the one to perfect the Edo Tensei. Him: not Orochimaru, not the Second Hokage, him my Kabuto.

When had I started thinking of him as mine?

He is my jailer.

He had given me a dress to wear in this place and slippers to wear, not the prison like garb of the other experiments. He combed my hair and fed me, I slept in his room and not in one of the cells.

He is my future experimental operator.

He made sure I ate well every morning, midday, and evening. He cooked food for me and I was gaining weight and energy every day. He gave me stretches to do so I had something to do as he proceeded with his tests and experiments.

He is my death warrant incarnate.

He made sure I didn’t kill myself with his stupid chemicals, and when he took me to the training ground so he could observe the experiments he took me with him and made sure I wasn’t hit by anything.

He is mine.

“-A-bu-to,” I tried to say, the name escaping me with a soft whisper.

It hurt to speak, my throat not used to speaking, and it sounded rough and scratchy. I was looking down, I didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to think about my emotions so I shoved them down again. I was getting really good at that.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hear that,” he said and my head snapped up to meet his onyx eyes and smug expression.

For a brief moment I see brown eyes instead, my brother’s smug smile and face superimposed over Kabuto’s from Before and I flinched. Suddenly a hand was pressed to my cheek and he was kneeling next to me, skin too fair to be that of my brother’s.

“Does it hurt to talk,” he asked me, and it sounded like it was tinged with worry. Was I imagining it because I wanted it to be there, because I wanted his worry over me? “You don’t have to if it hurts, here drink some tea.”

He handed me his cup of jasmine tea and as he lifted it to my lips he smiled softly at me and my heart ached.

“Kabuto,” I said, more firmly after the sip of tea and watched as he blinked in surprise. Then an actual delighted smile overtook him and he laughed, eyes closing in mirth and shoulder shaking with soft laughter.

When had I been able to read him?

Was I even reading him?

He had been an infiltrator, able to create personas and discard them so easily that it had left him without his own person. It was why he had turned to Orochimaru, to find out who he was. Was this all some sick joke to him or did he really care for me?

* * *

From then he took it upon himself to teach me to talk because, well I don’t know why but Kabuto had been able to tell I understood him since I first saw him in that operating room. He always spoke slowly, but not in a demeaning manner, more in a way to make sure I understood and followed his direction. He brought me scrolls and taught me how to read and write the kanji, how to hold a brush in my hands properly.

Of all the people who would become dear to me I still don’t know how Kabuto fell among those ranks. It was no use hiding how advanced I was, Kabuto could tell from the moment he laid eyes on me and had no doubt already noted it down for Orochimaru. To be honest I had never intended to hide how “advanced” I was but in the end it proved beneficial. Kabuto treated me like an adult when it mattered and like a child when I needed it.

This is when I began to suspect being reborn maybe did affect me more than just physical appearances. For one I had more energy than I could ever recall having from Before, I had been a quiet very passive child who preferred to sit still rather than run around. Now, I couldn't sit still for the life of me. Oh I was quiet when I wanted to but when talking to Kabuto I never shut up, saying what I thought the moment it crossed my mind.

Though I didn’t throw traditional tantrums when I didn’t get my way I did throw a tantrum, a very passive aggressive tantrum but still a tantrum. I would refuse to eat, speak, or acknowledge Kabuto or whoever’s turn it was to feed/dress me. This was when Kabuto treated me like the child I physically was, which was fair I guess.

Another thing, I healed freakishly fast. With all this buzzing energy filling me up I took to running around the halls and seeing if I could climb up the walls of the bunker and some of the natural tunnels. It was during one of these attempts that I fell and smacked my head against a stalagmite. The fall knocked me out and when I came to Kabuto’s worried face was over me, his hands stained red as he pressed a towel to my face.

“What happened,” he asked me as he cradled my head in his lap.

“Bored,” I said and saw him close his eyes and press one bloodied hand to the bridge of his nose. “So I climb the walls.”

“Zen-chan that is only supposed to be a figure of speech,” he said, exasperation clear in his voice and he gave me a stern look. “You’re not actually supposed to the climb the walls from boredom.”

“Oops,” I said and curled up in his lap, he was warm.

“Well at least we know you heal fast,” he said as he pulled me in close and wiped the towel over my face.

“Whaddya mean,” I asked as I looked up to him.

“You tore open your cheek when you fell,” he said, giving me a speaking look.

I looked down in embarrassment and pressed and hand to both my cheeks, there was nothing there besides tenderness on my right cheek.

“It’s healed now, you won’t even scar,” he said.

“Cool,” I said and he shook his head, but I saw his exasperated smile.

That healing factor I hadn’t had before and Kabuto decided to take a skin biopsy from me. I insisted on watching the procedure and watched in fascinated horror as my skin was taken off and then before my eyes, began re-growing. In two hours it was fully healed into fresh pink skin. After that though Kabuto began doing other small experiments; sometimes I didn’t even notice them and the ones I did I let him.

* * *

I didn’t feel pain like the others, as witnessed when I had found a kunai that really shouldn’t have just been left there for passing children or experiments to find. I hadn’t thought about it then and grabbed it a little too eagerly and made a mistake when grabbing it. The kunai cut my palm but all I felt was the trickle of blood that ran down my arm, the cut itself didn’t really sting. It’s hard to explain but I could  _feel_ the open wound but no pain, I could even feel as my skin began to stitch itself back together but it didn’t hurt it just felt  _weird._

Kabuto was there in an instant; really I should have known it was him who left that kunai in my favorite lab room. He inspected it and probed it asking me questions that seemed concerned, they may have actually been, but were also for information gathering. It continued like that, moments without supervision where my curiosity burned bright with the possibility of bad decisions and I didn’t even think about how suspicious it was that I was left unsupervised in dangerous rooms with delicate materials.

The one time I felt true pain was in the chem lab, the glassware and colorful mixtures had once again tempted me. For a moment I had even thought about drinking some of them but as curious as I was I wasn’t  _that_ stupid, or at least I liked to think so but my next actions really put that into question. I had taken a clear substance that smelled faintly of burnt amber and then taken a blue liquid and pour it generously into the clear substance.

It exploded and the glass shards hit my hands and arms as I brought them up to protect my face. My scream of pain brought Kabuto and some other assistants into the room and Kabuto cursed as he picked me up. It hurt, the glass sharps digging sharply into arms, blood flowing liberally all over me. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Kabuto began whispering comforting things to me and falling into a breathing pattern I tried to follow before I could even register it. He took me to the operating room and laid me down.

“Don’t worry Zen-chan, this is anesthesia, it will put you to sleep as I take the glass out of your arm,” he said and placed the plastic mask over me.

I nodded and watched as he turned the knob on a machine. I felt the hiss of air as the sweet medicinal smell rushed into my nose. I felt drowsy but I didn’t go to sleep, that wasn’t supposed to happen, right? Kabuto put on his gloves and grabbed a pair of tweezers then took my arm and pulled out a piece of glass. I screamed.

“Zenshi!” He said and his eyes, wide with alarm looked to me. I felt fresh tears spring from my eyes as I whimpered in pain. “How-”

“It hurts,” I said quickly, trying to hold in my sobs.

“Shit,” he muttered and looked to the anesthesia. “It’s not working.”

He cursed and then grabbed a syringe and bottle. “Zen-chan, this is morphine, it will dull the pain but I can’t risk increasing the dose of anesthesia for you, you’re too young.”

I nodded and watched as he took the syringe out, filled with morphine and injected it into my arm. Next thing I knew I was looking up at the ceiling, watching as the ceiling morphed into faces that laughed and tried to reach out to me. I giggled as they failed and then I was falling, but I was lying down, but I was walking, no I was flying!

I heard something and turned my head a Kabuto looked weird, his young face morphing into his older one from the pre-shippuden arc, then to the snake face he had when he had injected Orochimaru’s blood into himself, and back to his young face.

“I like you better as you,” I said. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool so I spat it out and watched as the spit defied physics and went up instead of down, no wait, up was down! I giggled and felt hands on my face and once again was looking into Kabuto’s eyes.

“Zen-,” he said but his words turned into music and I swayed to the beat.

“Not Zen,” I said, “that’s a religion, I think.”

He pressed a hand to my forehead and this time his hands felt cool, not the usual warmth I was used to. He turned and shouted to some demon thing at the door and I watched as it flew away. When he turned back to me I smiled and patted his cheek, the panic and worry on his face actually looked genuine, I don’t know why he was though.

“You look better when you’re real,” I tell him and he reels back. “That look makes you, you.”

“Can - me,” his words cut out and I closed my eyes.

When I opened them again there was a defibrillator over me and I felt my body lurch at the electric shock but it felt like a really intense static shock instead of a possible life threatening pulse of electric shock.

“She’s awake,” I hear and blink as many faces swim in my vision.

Kabuto’s three possible faces hovering over me make me blink back tears; I don’t want that future for him. His hands glow green and a wash of gentle pulsing chakra washed over me, the second time I’ve seen it in use. It smoothed out my vision, the burning beneath my skin calming down until it was almost gone, and clearing my hearing.

“Rest Zenshi,” Kabuto said.

“You’ll be here,” I ask. He hesitates and I feel like crying.

“Yes,” he replies, a hand smoothing down my hair, “I’ll be here.”

“Good,” I say and succumb to sleep.

When I wake up it is slowly and I feel like complete shit. There’s an IV in my arm and the lights are dimmed, the only glow coming from my heart monitor, it’s beeps steady indicating my heart was well and functioning. Turning my head I look to the chair there and Kabuto is asleep, face soft in the dark, he really looks young. Lying back down I go over how I came to be in here and sigh at my stupidity.

Damn curiosity; let this be a lesson to me. Don’t mess with chemicals if you don’t know what they fucking are or do. I look to my arms and wince a little at the skin pulling tight but I unwrap the bandages and beneath them is fully healed pink skin. My fingers pass over the new skin and I can feel the difference in texture that will probably disappear by tomorrow. I don’t hear when he wakes but next thing I know pale hands a few shades darker than mine are tugging mine off my arms stopping me from picking at the new flesh.

I look at Kabuto and he looks away first.

We stay silent until he clears his throat and glances at me before looking away again.

“Do you want to know what I’ve discovered,” he says hesitantly.

For a moment I feel rage, pure unadulterated  _rage_ that burns so  _hot_ and intense in my chest it surprises me. My hand twists my blanket and the hand in Kabuto’s digs into his flesh. I see him flinch but he doesn’t let go and I grasp at my surprise at this buried rage I never knew I had and shove it down, down, down, until it’s nothing but that slow burn that itches underneath my skin.

Oh, is that what that is?

“Tell me,” I say and loosen my hands so that they’re clutching his instead of trying to tear his flesh off.

He looks up, hesitant and hopeful and my heart aches for him, for me.

“You need more than the recommended dose of anesthesia to put you down,” he says and shifts until he’s leaning forward, face going into his nerd academic look. Kabuto loved learning new things, even if that new thing was gotten through not so morally right means. Exhibit A: me.

“If you’re willing,” he says and stops; an uncomfortable look passes over his face as he shifts a bit, the only sign of discomfort. “If you’re willing to try we can find the perfect dosage for you.”

He’s asking me to be a willing subject instead of the “naive” participant I had been before. I feel a bitter smile overtake me and he looks away. We both know he doesn’t need me to be willing at all, if he wanted to he could order the other ninja and assistants here to hold me down by force.

“You ah,” he begins again but his voice trails off. The silence reigns until I sigh and look back at him.

“Go on,” I say and squeeze his hand. I’ve already made my decision.

“You had a very violent response to the morphine,” he says and I snort. Tell me about it, I was high as a kite. “We think it’s because you’re body may have incubated the morphine and made it more receptive and quick to spread. I- we don’t want that to happen again, you went into cardiac arrest for a moment.”

“Find the right dosage,” I say and he opens his mouth before nodding. “Alright.”

Orochimaru was going to have a fucking blast when he finally got around to me.

* * *

For the next few days I followed Kabuto to the operating table, a willing subject to his experiments. He wrote everything down, fiddling with knobs and checking my vitals. We went into dangerous territory twice before he finally found the perfect dosage that wouldn’t kill me or make me comatose. Then he went onto the morphine, he hesitated as he took a quarter of what he had first given me. His face spoke of reluctance but there was curiosity there too. I smiled at him and gave him my arm.

“Are you sure,” he asks and I roll my eyes.

“Stop,” I say and stare right into his eyes. He knows I don’t mean to stop from injecting me with the morphine.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and injects me.

Fortunately this time it was perfect and I felt the numbness bloom from inside me and begin to spread.

“How do you feel,” Kabuto asked as he took his stethoscope and presses it to my chest. A hand is pressed to my throat as he listens to my heartbeat.

“Nothing,” I reply.

“Are you getting dizzy, hot or cold flashes, or seeing things,” he continues and though I feel the press of his hands it is muted, more like if I was leaning my chin on the ledge of a table or the like.

My sensations were muted; I couldn’t feel the sheets or my lungs expanding to take in a breath. I couldn’t even hear my heart.

“No,” I replied and placed a hand in his. I couldn’t feel any warmth or cold, I couldn’t feel the cloth of his long sleeve or cold steel of the stethoscope.

“Well your heart has slowed down but it’s steady and I can’t hear or feel any dysrhythmia,” he says. He pulls the stethoscope away and smiles at me. “Good job Zen-chan, you were very brave.”

I feel a surge of fondness at his words and a tinge of rage. I ignore the rage and smile at him, raising my arms to be carried. He laughs and picks me up to take us to the kitchens.

I love him and I hate him. He taught me, fed me, read to me, accompanied me, experimented on me, was going to give all my details to Orochimaru, he is my death warrant signed. My executioner with a child’s soft smile and I love him for it. I never could hold a grudge, not Before and not now, but I would not forget; I can’t allow myself to.

Of course it didn’t last though, this time with just the two of us. There’s something seriously wrong with me that I think fondly upon that time. Orochimaru had to come back some time and sure enough he did. 

He had actually been delighted when I spoke. Orochimaru had no use for the untalented; if I was to survive I needed to prove myself useful, talented, and more importantly devoted to him.


	3. Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AKA Familiar Strangers

I want to say that as soon as I saw Orochimaru’s face I hated his guts, and this is true at first.

“So you can talk,” he said, voice like smooth water over stones.

“Yes, Orochimaru-sama,” I reply, looking down at the ground and not at him lest he see my bubbling fear and rage.

“You understood everything that was going on when Danzo-san brought you here,” he states.

I could only nod. This is not a man you lie to; he can probably smell it off you.

Kabuto is behind me but that is no comfort, he had lived and died for Orochimaru Before; why wouldn’t he now? I push down my emotions, the ever present burning beneath my skin, and try to school my face. Suddenly, a hand on my chin is tilting my head up. His fingers are dry as snake scales, rough with calluses, and warm to the touch.

“Ah,” he says, golden eyes hypnotic, and lets go of my chin. I eyes are still locked in his gaze, like the first time I ever saw him. “There it is, that spark.”

His voice is incredibly fond and I find myself tilting my head in question, genuinely curious about his words.

“Kabuto,” he says as he straightens up from his crouch. “Take her to the training ground.”

“Orochimaru-sama,” Kabuto begins but the snake-sannin only lifts a brow and Kabuto nods. “As you wish. Come on Zen-chan.”

Taking my hand in his, I turn my head to watch the snake-sannin move to the computers in the room before the door to the room blocks my sight of him.

“What am I gonna do,” I ask him.

“It depends on what he wants,” Kabuto replies as he walks alongside me.

The training ground is just a natural cave that had been cleared for physical exams of the test subjects and for the assistants and ninja here to keep up their daily routine. Sometimes I like to watch them flip in the air, perform ninjutsu, and scamper on the walls like the little lizards that live here. Mostly though I avoid this area because the test subjects are never really quite stable and the assistant ninja didn’t really care for collateral damage when testing the subjects or even when training with each other.

We remain silent as we walk through the halls until it tapers off into natural tunnels and we are in the training ground. The area is huge with lights bolted to the ceiling easily a good fifty feet above my head or more. Stalagmites and stalactites are everywhere, though not really around the middle where there is rubble and the earth pitted from bygone fights that had escalated a bit much.

There is a sort of viewing box on one of the walls that’s used when the assistants want to watch instead of participate with their subjects. Kabuto leads me towards there before turning and kneeling to my height.

“Do you know what chakra is,” he asks me.

I shake my head no, because in all my time here I had not felt it and that is what he meant to ask me. I knew what it was, had seen him use it, had seen Danzo's Root use it but I personally had never felt it inside of me.

“Whatever happens now, you are going to need to find it, you have a lot of it Zenshi,” Kabuto says and then jumps up to the box.

What.

“Begin,” I hear and whirl around to find one of the test subjects rushing towards me.

 _‘Shit’_ I think and dive behind the nearest stalagmite.

The top of the conical stone is demolished and I scramble to get out of the way, heart racing. The test subject is a young boy named Kenji; I had seen him around here a few times. When Kabuto had to make observations of the subjects he takes me with him, but usually I am with him at the box.

“Hey Kenji,” I say as I dodge his next punch.

“You’re the weird girl,” he says as he kicks me. The breath rushes out of me and I slam into a stalagmite, I can feel it crumple under my back but weirdly enough it doesn’t hurt too much. “The one always with Yakushi-sama.”

“Yeah,” I cough out and plant my hands on the floor to get up. Chakra, how do you even get chakra?

“It’s finally your turn,” Kenji says and I look up to see a manic grin on his face. “Your turn for pain.”

Then with a burst of speed he is next to me trying to punch my lights out. I barely dodge, using one of the stretches Kabuto taught me to twist away then dive to the side in a roll. He curses as I tumble away and run for an area with more tightly packed stalagmites. My short legs don’t help me cross the distance but with my racing heart pounding in my ears and adrenaline running through my veins, fear is the biggest thing in my mind. Somehow I can sense Kenji and manage to jump over his next kick. He quickly follows it up though and I’m thrown across the clearing into the stalagmites once more. This time though I can see and manage to bring my arms out so I meet with the stalagmite than half-swing half-push myself into crashing into the next pillar of jutting stone.

I feel a slight twinge in my wrist and silently curse at the thought of pulling it but I don’t stop as I scramble for purchase and go deeper into the sharp jutting stones. Behind me I can hear Kenji curse as he can’t fit between the stalagmites or go on top of them as they aren’t exactly flat. Turning I find purchase on one and scramble up it to peak over them. Clearly I didn’t plan this through because as soon as my head pops up Kenji’s black eyes snap towards me.

“There you are,” Kenji screeches and _jumps_.

I may have screamed … okay I totally scream as he plummets down, leg outstretched right towards me. I run through the pillars as he crashes down where I had been. He's cursing because apparently he didn’t think about how tightly packed the stalagmites were and hurt himself. What was even the purpose of this? I hadn’t even seen Kenji, or Orochimaru appear, only heard him say ‘begin’ and now I'm getting my ass kicked.

A violent scream of rage is followed by a large gust of air that sends pieces of rock raining down everywhere. I huddle between two towering stalagmites, making sure the shadows cover me and try not to panic. There is no place to hide here, only the stalagmites for cover and it was only my size that allowed me to use them as hiding spots.

 _‘Think idiot, you can’t hide forever,’_ my brain kindly informs me and if my personality had a face I would punch it.

But wasn’t I my personality, did I want to punch myself then?

“Come out little girl,” Kenji singsongs as he sends more pillars flying.

 _‘Focus,’_ I think and take a deep breath, then let it out in a whoosh.

Orochimaru probably wants to see what I am capable of, he said I had a spark whatever the hell that means. Kabuto said I needed to use chakra and that I had a lot of it. Problem is I don’t know how to access my chakra, don’t know how it feels like besides the two times Kabuto used healing chakra on me, but his had felt like cool water on a hot summer day.

My hand twitches as Kenji gets nearer, I can hear his footsteps and something that feels like body heat but he's still too far away for me to feel something like that. How can I put up a good show? Kenji is older than me, thus taller, stronger, and he has access to chakra or at least is enhanced in some ways. How do I access my chakra? Kabuto said I had a lot of it, so where the hell is it?

“Found you,” I hear and look up to see Kenji’s wide grin and a fist barreling down on me.

The fist collides with my face and I feel a tooth break as blood floods my mouth and I’m sent flying back to the clearing. The punch is then followed by another kick that sends me straight down into the stone and I feel a rib break as the stone breaks beneath my back. Trying to breathe is impossible and all I can manage is a wheeze of breath as stone, dust, and debris fly all over the place.

“Oi, weird girl,” I hear and Kenji is suddenly over me, “You still alive? I ain't done playing yet.”

This is it: this is how I die.

Again.

In the hands of a prepubescent boy who's been tricked out for Orochimaru’s damn curiosity as Kabuto watches. Kenji grabs me by my neck, lifting me up with just one hand, and begins to squeeze, cutting off all my air. I feebly try to pry his finger from my neck but he has a tight hold and even as I kick my feet in the air I can’t reach any part of him.

“Tch, how boring,” Kenji says. “Thought you had more in you, Yakushi-sama had you at the top. Pathetic.”

Pathetic.

As he squeezes and I feel his fingers dig into my neck his words echo in my ears.

Pathetic.

_Pathetic._

Never once from Before had I ever stood for that word. Even here, my existence was not _pathetic;_ this tiny boy didn't have a clue what I was. I didn't either but there has to be a reason I remembered everything, because this- _this situation_ is pathetic but me: _I am not pathetic._

Suddenly that ever-present burn of _rage_ I have been ignoring since I've been reborn rises. It burns like lava just beneath my skin and with a choked off scream I let it go. Solid chains spring out from the palms of my hands, released with such a speed that they pass through the flesh of Kenji’s hand holding me. With a scream of pain he lets me go and I plummet to the ground, arms rising as the chains are still attached to his broken flesh and crushed bone. Blood spurts out, running down the chains and onto me like some macabre baptism. The chains are barbed, the ends forming a knife sharp point that I can see leftover skin on.

“Die!” I hear and Kenji rips his hands from the chains.

Without thinking I grab the chains and swing them up, shoving more of my burning chakra into the chains until they’re thick and strike his face with a thick sounding noise. I watch as the knifepoint cuts his face but I had put too much in the swing and hadn’t accounted for the drag so as he went backwards I was dragged forwards and landed atop him. Screaming, he scrambles up while pushing me off, one hand clutching at his face while the other hangs useless at his side.

A wordless scream of rage has me rolling to the side of where a foot slams. Trying to get up, I don’t get far as the chains weigh me down and I don't know how to pull back my chakra to me. That’s what the ever present burning beneath my skin has been, my emotions: my chakra. The chains are eating up the burning feel of my chakra and I can sense as they drain me. Sure enough they disappear like so much smoke just as the burning feel of my chakra goes away. Without them though I am able to avoid the fist aimed at me. Lethargy makes me slow, a new feeling in this body, as I had not felt lethargic for a long time, so Kenji manages to clip me, sending me reeling back. Good thing I only got clipped because as soon as Kenji’s fist makes contact with the ground it turns to fine dust with a deep dip in the stone. As it is I’m pretty sure Kenji dislocated my shoulder.

Clutching it I scramble away as with my other hand I grab a fistful of that fine dust and throw it to Kenji’s face. Miraculously it works and as a bonus he breathes and chokes on the fine stone powder. Successful, I scuttle away and try to think.

I can't win this, my chakra is almost gone (the burn more like warmth in my blood now), I can't actually hit him since I have no strength, and I can't just keep taking his hits. My body aches, perhaps not how much it should but I still ache; no one likes feeling pain, unless they’re into that kind of stuff. Looking up to the box I see Kabuto’s blank face with Kenji’s caretaker right behind them and at the forefront Orochimaru looking right **at me.** The rage in me makes one more appearance and I look away and back to Kenji. He is just a boy, no more than ten at the most. He should be in school, worrying about the oncoming shit-storm that is middle school, not fighting another child to fulfill the sick ideas of a sick man. Kenji’s one black eye, not swollen shut, meets mine and he glares at me.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he snarls and runs to me but he’s slower now. “Don’t you look down on me!”

I close my eyes and with all my remaining strength I get up and run towards him. I had ruined his hand, ruined his eye, I doubt Orochimaru had a way to fix the hand I had turned to so much mulch. He had not been able to fix his own arms after all. Just before we clash I duck and roll, gasping as I move my definitely dislocated shoulder, passing right underneath his legs. With one quick turn I kick him in his crotch and hear him wheeze in pain. He collapses to his knees and before he can recover, with my still functioning hand I grab a sharp stone and strike his temple. He goes down with a thud but only dazed, not fully unconscious.

Not good enough.

I lift the stone and strike once more, Kenji's eyes close but I can feel him, can feel his chakra, he's still awake. I turn the stone so the sharp side is facing him and I feel a piece of my soul cry out in defiance. Just a boy not even a teenager.

I hesitate and his eyes snap open, his face twists into an inhuman snarl and I see his teeth begin to lengthen.

I'm not gonna die, not here, not for Orochimaru, and he isn't either. I swing the stone down but at an angle so the sharp jagged point pierces his cheek and the flat side hits his temple. It's enough that his chakra stops fizzling and his face slackens. I pant for breath as the world seems to stop, the adrenaline making me shake in place, but I don't let go of the stone.

When nothing happens I finally relax and let go of the stone. I feel empty, like with all my chakra gone my emotions decided to flee too.

“Good job,” I hear and don't even flinch.

A pair of snake-scale dry hands lifts me up and at first I lash out but I’m enveloped and then I’m looking over Orochimaru’s shoulder and right at Kabuto. A hand begins to pat my back followed by hushing noises and I realize I am hyperventilating. My breath is coming in in small gasps and I’m shaking but the hand begins rubbing my back and I feel myself relax. I'm tired and Orochimaru is surprisingly warm and comfortable. All I want to do is sleep, sleep everything away and not be bothered by the fact that a viper is holding me, easily able to strangle the life out of me and devour me. Orochimaru begins to hum a tune I remember from when I first met him and despite my wishes I give into the heavy feeling in my limbs and sleep.

* * *

After that Orochimaru had it arranged so that I train with him and some other children every evening when he is in, or with just Kabuto when he is not in. It pains me to admit it but it isn’t hard to fake adoring Orochimaru. It isn’t hard at all to love him or to hate him; I just have to be careful I don’t love him more than I hate him. He is a good teacher, a very good one and a slave driver as well; I want to please him so badly.

“Chakra is a mixture of the energies produced from simply being alive,” Orochimaru says. We are in an empty lab room; there is a white board with the outline of person and some swirls. “Mental energy from thinking and physical energy from training.”

Paying attention is hard; I keep fidgeting and bouncing in place as he talks. I’ve never had this much energy before, this potential to do things, and though I don’t like talking much I always try to keep moving or else I get too agitated.

“You have a large amount of both, almost enough to be a genin, but you need practice mixing them to get chakra,” Orochimaru says.

“Why,” I blurt out, because it’s been something that has been on my mind since the fight with Kenji.

“Why what, Zenshi-san,” Orochimaru says, a brow rising.

I purse my lips and look down at my hands. I’m so pale, it’s so weird to feel things in this body but whenever I look at it there’s a sense of disconnection, a part of me screams that this is not mine. But it is, I can move it, I can feel, and the ever present burning feeling resides just beneath my skin. A strand of red hair falls into my sight and a grab it with one tiny pale child’s hand.

Red hair.

A stone grows in my stomach until full-blown dread appears, I don’t want to know why I have so much energy but at the same time the need for confirmation of my suspicion is strong.

“Why do I have so much,” I ask.

“Did Kabuto ever tell you that you are a full blooded Uzumaki,” he says, and the floor opens up beneath me.

I try not to react, because that is such a fucking trip. I remember Kabuto saying a bunch of stuff about my physiology and me but he never said Uzumaki. What are the odds that not only am I reborn in the Naruto world, but also reborn as the daughter of dead clan that is intricately tied to the main character? The only way this could be worse was if I had been reborn as an Uchiha in the Warring Clans era, or shit as Hagoromo’s unknown daughter.

Karin had been an Uzumaki, something that had surprised when I first read it though it really shouldn’t have. Nagato had been an Uzumaki too, and so had Honoka, or at least people suspected she had been. Perhaps saying the Uzumaki clan is dead is like saying the Senju clan is dead. They aren’t they have just been so spread out that the blood has been diffused and almost forgotten.

“No, what’s that mean,” I ask him, faking ignorance but not interest. What does it mean?

“It means you have the potential to be strong,” Orochimaru says, walking to me.

He kneels to my height and takes one of my hands. I let him, there isn’t anything I can do to exactly stop him and if I’m honest I like it. I like Kabuto’s pats to my head and when he combs my hair. I like it when Orochimaru smiles at me when I ask something unexpected and him correcting me when I mess up my stretches or katas. Before there hadn’t been a moment where my family, my siblings next to me in a giant pile on the couch, didn’t hug me hands touching as food is passed, casual brushes of arms and nudges for attention. I didn’t know how much I depended on that contact until it was abruptly taken from me.

“If you survive you will be able to live to almost two hundred years old,” Orochimaru says as he flips my hand so my palms are facing up.

That is news to me, I had known the Uzumaki were long lived but not for how much. Hadn’t Uzumaki Mito lived all the way up to the Third-Shinobi War? I didn’t miss his phrasing, of course I didn’t, but what can I do to stop him? Nothing.

“You already have large reserves but as you grow you’ll produce even more chakra,” he continues, his hands warm then glowing blue, “it’s incredible and already so solid even though you are not actively mixing your energies.”

His chakra feels cool, like nothing I have ever felt before and very different from the burning sensation under my skin. The closest I can compare it to be the tingling in the air just before a storm, calm but with the promise of an oncoming deluge. It engulfed my hand and suddenly the smell of ozone filled my nose and a metallic taste filled my mouth. Is that normal?

“Have you ever felt something beneath your skin, an energy inside you either hot or cool,” he asks and I nod.

“I want you to push that feeling towards your chest,” he tells me and I try not to snort, oh man do I have experience with that.

I do as he says and shove the burning feeling beneath my skin to my chest. Surprisingly it’s a bit harder to do it once I’m aware of it but I manage to gather it right above my stomach. It’s hot and intense and maybe a little uncomfortable but I manage.

“Now mental energy is a bit harder, you would think it is produced in your mind but it is not,” Orochimaru says and I look up in surprise.

“Where is it then,” I ask.

“Right here,” he presses a hand just beneath where my heart is. “I have theorized that this where the spirit’s four souls meet and mix.”

I had no idea what he was talking about but I closed my eyes and tried to feel what he was talking about. I stayed silent as I felt around where my burning physical chakra was and tried to feel these four spirit souls or whatever. At first I felt nothing but the more I swirled the physical energy the more I became aware of “cracks” inside of me. Concentrating I passed my physical energy once more over it and there!

It felt like a breeze through a cracked window, just the slightest feeling of coolness I hadn’t known had been there but now that I did, well then. Gathering my physical energy I shaped it into a “fist” then punched it at the cracks. My eyes snapping open I felt a wave of coolness wash over me and mix with my burning energy and just like that it was perfect. The burning beneath my skin cooled down to a comfortable temperature. I felt a rush of tingling throughout me and it was like had not taken a clear breath in my entire time here until now. The world sharpened, my mind cleared and I could _think_ , my heart beat fast and steady in my chest and I felt every inch of my body; I am aware. This body's _mine_ , I am it and how could I ever think it wasn’t mine. I flex my fingers and wonder at the sensation, the disconnection not there because it is responsive. My gaze darts up to Orochimaru’s and he is smirking at me, no longer holding my hand.

I want to fight him, I want to run around in circles, I want to laugh, to scream, cry, climb a mountain, dance, do _everything_ my physical body can and beyond!

“How do you feel,” he asks me.

“Alive.”

“Then we may begin,” he says and proceeds to punch my lights out.

I can tell he’s holding back, for a moment I take time to admire the strength and control needed to punch someone so they don’t pass out but also hit with enough force to send someone flying across the room. Wheezing I plant my hands on the ground and try not to flinch. I had never fought in my previous life, I had taken a basic self-defense class and used it a few times but I never competed competitively or went around fucking with people. I hated confrontation.

“Good, you have a fast recovery time,” Orochimaru tells me, and then he’s in my face. “Now lets see how much you can take.

I proceed to get my ass thoroughly handed to me but it’s not- his hits hurt but they hurt enough they make me angry instead of defeated. He fights like he knows my moves three steps ahead of me and gives me enough time to think I can make a hit before he smoothly moves out of the way and backhands me. When we’re done I’m on the floor, panting and Orochimaru is over me.

“You lasted 2 minutes,” he tells me and I close my eyes. It had felt like hours. “We will maximize that time by the end of the month.”

Then he lifts me up and carries me back to my room, well Kabuto’s, and is with me until I fall asleep.

* * *

He gives me katas to do, a training schedule so rigorous I basically drop off to sleep the moment I’m finished with it, but it’s designed for my height and age so I’m not stunting my growth. The other children here don’t talk to me unless it’s to train and they’ve been instructed not to irreparable damage me. I can see it in their eyes, how they want to be in my position (whatever the hell it is) so I don’t try to connect with them and it’s hard to stay so angry at Orochimaru and Kabuto when they’re the only positive human interaction I have.

“Orochimaru-sama,” I say.

“Yes Zenshi-san,” he says and I frown as he pays attention to Maori-san instead of me.

“Can I learn a jutsu,” I ask and don’t flinch as the other children glare at me.

“Do you think you are ready,” Orochimaru asks as he fixes Maori-san’s stance. I can already identify her weak spot, her left arm shakes imperceptibly.

“I have the most chakra,” I say smugly and look at the other children in triumph.

I can already stick things on me while some of them were still waiting for their chakra to develop enough to actually be of use. Unless Orochimaru finds some way to increase their chakra output early, something he is currently working on. I don’t know if he already has developed the Curse Seal but I haven’t seen it on anybody here.

“I suppose you do,” he says and turns away from Maori-san to me. She promptly turns and glares at me.

“Your control can need more work though,” he says and my face crumples. “So I’ll teach you wall-walking.”

I immediately brighten and follow him as he goes to the nearest wall. He gives me the rundown on chakra control and how to move chakra to my feet and I nod. I’m no Sakura but I’m not Naruto either and by the end of the day I don’t need a running a start to get partially up the wall.

Orochimaru is charismatic; he knows how to deal with children surprisingly enough. It is in small actions, how he pays attention to me when I talk, cares for the other child experiments, gave small tokens to each of us, eats with us, asks us questions, oh it was so easy to believe he cares.

“Zen-chan,” I hear and look up from breakfast to Kabuto.

“Yes, Kabu-kun,” I say after I swallow my mouthful of rice. No turnips in it alas.

“You’ll be training with me today, Orochimaru-sama is a busy man and he needs to return to his day job,” Kabuto says and smiles.

“You’re doing your creepy face,” I say and watch his smile fall away as he gives me an exaggerated wounded look.

“Manners,” he says and motions me to hurry up.

I take my sweet time eating; I’m not getting hiccups right before training! Once I’m finished I clean up and diligently skip beside Kabuto to the training cave. If I want to skip I’m gonna skip, a thing I missed once I hit 13 from Before. We started off with katas, an advanced set for Kabuto and a child’s one for me that still left me covered in sweat but not overexerted. Kabuto added a new one to my list, one I had to actually roll with which was fun.

“Are you ready,” he asks, not even waiting to drop into a stance.

“Yes,” I respond and take a deep breath before falling into a defensive position.

At my age and height I can’t really fight more like dodge aggressively. A moment passed, the sound of others fighting echoing in the large cavern but they were far away enough we wouldn’t interfere or vice versa.

“Begin,” he says and give praise to whatever gods are listening that he actually gave me cue. Orochimaru gave no forewarning, one moment he was teaching you a hand sign the next he had already kicked you and you better still be making the hand signs. A

As it is Kabuto is no slouch and he’s too fast for my eyes still but I can… not exactly sense but there’s a tingling in my nose that makes me want to sneeze and he’s coming from the left! I duck as an overhead swipe sails above my head. Open hand but that means nothing for Kabuto when he can slice you with chakra scalpels. You can’t see them, I remember the anime colored the scalpels and medical jutsu as green but you can’t see the scalpels only the medical jutsu. Even regular jutsu chakra, which had been blue, wasn’t visible and according to Kabuto it isn’t blue for everyone, there are minute differences in coloration and feel for everyone.

I can’t exactly feel jutsu in the conventional sense instead I could _smell_ it. I don’t know if it’s similar to the Inuzuka’s, Kakashi, Karin, or hell to any animal with a good nose but chakra felt like a tickle to my nose that came with scents that were almost nigh indescribable. The only way I can come close is loose comparison that don’t make sense but kind of do?

Take for example my Kabuto. To my nose his chakra smells of the calm waters in a still pond, the breeze that carries a chill in the air, it tasted of uncertainty and determination like silver needle tea with the ghost of cinnamon. The smell and taste increase when he draws near, spiking when he uses his chakra, and fades when he passes by but lingers in the air like a trail of so much smoke that isn’t visible to anything but my nose.

Left!

I move right but Kabuto is there and I roll with the kick but it still manages to clip my shoulder and I feel the force behind it, if I hadn’t rolled with it would have dislocated my shoulder. I know how that feels now and it really should affect me more except for the fact that it doesn’t hurt. My perception of pain is … skewed. I can take hits that would make the other children faint and I’d feel pain but it would be muted.

“Focus, Zen-chan,” I hear and cartwheel out of the way of an overhead kick.

“I am,” I say as I huff for breath and make it to one of the stalagmites.

“No, you’re not,” he says and smiles his fake smile and then I smell something burning and turn to see an explosive seal behind me, already on fire.

“Oh, come on,” I sigh and focus chakra in my legs to leap backward but the blast catches me anyway and I go head first into the wall.

Everything blacks out but I know Kabuto will be there when I wake up, he always is with a cup of tea, an apology, and a soft smile just for me. It was fine, this is fine.

* * *

The days blur with a set schedule for me now. Wake up, eat, train with Orochimaru/Kabuto/the others, nap/recover, mess around in the lab with Kabuto’s guidance, eat again, sleep, and wash and repeat. Soon enough my hair is a curling riot at my shoulders and I can grab the vibrant red hair.

“Orochimaru-sama,” I call one day after training.

I’m on the floor, chest heaving and sweaty hair matted to my face, it’s been getting in my face a lot but I have nothing to tie it with. Oh I could tear the hem of one of my dresses or use the scraps of my ruined ones or of the others but I refuse to.

“Yes Zenshi-san,” he says, amusement in his tone.

“Why is my hair so red,” I ask.

“You are an Uzumaki,” he says attention probably drifting already.

“No but Kabuto’s is white, Ziomara's is purple, mine’s red, what makes them those funny colors,” I specify. 

“Different colored hair can be a clan marking,” Orochimaru begins and the others begin to crowd around me. I tilt my head so I can look up at him without bothering to move from the floor. “But it also is caused by a mutation of the genes, lack of melanin, or overproductions of one type of melanin over the other.”

“What’s melanin,” one of the kids asks and they begin to sit down.

I let his voice wash over me, the training was hard today but I can now make a bunshin and my hand signals are speeding up. Orochimaru continues taking the kids questions; their voices getting bolder with each question and curiosity making them ask more things.

Moments like this it’s hard to hate him. In moments like this I don’t think I do.

* * *

“Zenshi-san,” I hear and turn to find Orochimaru behind me. I fall out of the fighting stance I had fallen into to bow at him, trying to get my heart back into control.

“Orochimaru-sama,” I respond as I get up from my bow, “How can I help you.”

“I have something for you,” he says and then hands me a pair of child’s hair chopsticks. They’re made of dark blue lacquered wood with two purple flowers at the top.

My heart clenches in my chest and I return a wide-eyed stare back at him, at a loss for words as some emotion floods my chest. I feel like crying but I reign it in, it would be so stupid to cry and so weak.

“Thank you so much,” I say quietly and clutch them to me.

“Do you know how to use them,” he says, amusement in his tone and his chakra.

I can smell it as champagne bubbles in it. I open my mouth to say yes but then shut it when I realize I don’t. I used to use them Before but … I know I used them but the knowledge of how is gone.

“Come here,” he says and I nod and follow before panic can set in at the forgotten knowledge of something so simple.

He turns me around and gathers my frankly ridiculous amount of curls, Michiko had straight hair why is mine even curly, and twists it until I can feel a bun at the back of my head. I give him the chopsticks and he takes them, first inserting one then the other. He tugs it, making sure it’s secure then lets me go. My hands go to the bun and not a single hair is out of place, it’s all contained. Before I can think about it I hug him as he gets up then release him just as quick.

“Thank you, Orochimaru-sama,” I say.

“You’re hair was getting in the way,” he tells me and begins to walk away.

I turn to leave to the go to Kabuto’s favorite lab, the one with all the chemicals in it when I can sense a change in the air. There’s a new chakra scent in the air of light calla lilies, fresh water, and on top of it the overpowering sour sweet smell of rot that indicated of sickness. The latter wasn’t new, it clung to certain areas of this place like fungus, and in the deeper areas where I wasn’t allowed but on occasions I could hear the screams of the mad it was a permanent fixture. 

“Zenshi-san,” I hear and snap out of my daze to turn back to Orochimaru-sama who is now at the fork of another passage. “Do me a favor.”

I find myself nodding before he even finishes. Damn it.

“Yes Orochimaru-sama,” I say run to him when he motions me to come over. 

I follow him as he walks forward. It is quiet, his footsteps not making a sound as he walks; I don’t even think he has a shadow. The scent that had captured my attention then begins to grow the further we walk.

“You can heal anyone if you let them bite you,” Orochimaru’s voice cuts through the silence and I try not to flinch. Then his words register and I stop. He continues without me and I run to catch up.

“Anyone,” I ask and he looks down at me. 

“No matter how close to death you can heal it,” he tells me, “Your cell regeneration is incredible.”

“This why Uzumaki live so long,” I ask.

“Partially,” he tells me and then stops in front of a white door. “I need you to let someone bite you.”

For a moment I feel gratitude rise in me and I try to blink back tears. He’s asking me, _asking_ _me_ for my help and pride swells up in my heart and I smile at him.

“Anything,” I say and he cups my face in his hands and kisses my forehead.

I freeze.

“Good,” he says as he lets me go and opens the door.

Did- did I just admit to willing let Orochimaru experiment on me? My whole body flushes cold and I follow in a daze behind him. He stops by the white bed, a small figure on the bed breathing deeply. 

“Kimimaro-kun,” he says and the figure on the bed moves lightly before big jade green eyes open up to look with utter adoration at Orochimaru. I feel a surge of bitter jealousy because Orochimaru addressed him so familiarly, when he hadn’t even stopped with the -san for me like Kabuto.

What made him so special?

Wasn’t I good enough?

At that thought I stopped my train of thought and realized my face had fallen into a scowl at the young boy, who was now glaring at me too. Schooling my features back into control I nod at the boy but he turns away from me to give Orochimaru a smile.

“Orochimaru-sama,” the boy says and struggles to get up. “How can I help you?”

“You can barely help yourself,” I blurt out and the glare is once again on me.

If his face still wasn’t round with childhood it may have worked, as it is it would have been cute if I didn’t feel a vindictive sense of pleasure at pointing out how weak he was. I could make a bunshin now, and am working on the replacement technique. Orochimaru doesn’t need Kimimaro: he has me!

Fucking thoughts, stop!

“Who are you,” he asks. His tone and face though basically conveying that whatever answer I give he doesn't think it will be much.

Before I had never had a temper, ok I hid my temper and basically swallowed what everyone said, here though my chakra had an effect on my emotions. By which I mean that as soon as the words left his mouth I jumped on the bed and tried to choke the boy. However before I can get on the bed Orochimaru grabs me just as bone spike come out the boy as he dives forward to impale me. I’m now looking down at Kimimaro and smirk at him; he glares at me.

“Kimimaro-kun, this is Uzumaki Zenshi,” Orochimaru says and I turn to him, my heart beating fast. “Zen-chan this is Kaguya Kimimaro.”

He called me -chan! I look away and back to Kimimaro who is trying his best to impale me with his eyes. Oh, two can play at that game, bone boy!

“Kimi-kun,” I say and clap my hands and give him my best fake smile. “It’s nice ta meetcha!”

“That’s Kaguya-san to you,” he snarls, the proper way in which he spoke making me giggle because it was so serious for such a small boy.

“Kimi-kun,” I say making my tone high and super sweet. I see him twitch and grin at him.

“Uzumaki,” he snarls and tries to get out of bed only to gasp in pain.

He grimaces in pain and before my eyes he begins to cough so much that blood makes and appearance. Shifting uncomfortably, I look to Orochimaru and back to the boy. Before hadn’t Kimimaro only gotten really sick until the end of his life? As the boy tries to breathe I try not to feel sympathetic, his days are numbered. He becomes a tool for Orochimaru, his most devout and fanatic follower and ninja.

He finally is able to take a breath and leans back against the white pillows, his skin so pale he could be apart of the sheets. There are bags beneath his eyes, making his jade eyes almost glow as he looks at me and still tries to glare. He can’t be more than five maybe three at the least; he is just a baby. HIs face is still round with baby fat, his body small and tiny in the bed, his white hair long and wet with sweat making it almost silver grey.

“Zenshi can help you,” Orochimaru says and I try not to flinch.

This boy is a dead man walking, his days are numbered and even Orochimaru hadn’t been able to save him. I definitely can’t save him, and honestly why should I? He would be the one to allow Sasuke to get to Orochimaru, to fight Naruto then Gaara and Lee. My god, I hadn’t even thought of Naruto or the Konoha 12 since I accepted that I was in the Naruto-verse. Looking at Kimimaro I realize I can change things, I can change them drastically if I win favor with Orochimaru and with Kabuto and Kimimaro. _I can change things_.

“Yeah, I can help you,” I say and hold out my arm to Kimimaro.

He looks at my arm and sneers.

That little shit!

“I don’t need her help Orochimaru-sama,” he says and I make a noise in the back of my throat. “You’re all the help I need.”

If this were a romance movie I would be walking out the movie theater in confusion because I don’t go see romance movies. As it is I do make a gagging noise, which promptly has Kimimaro snarling and trying to jump me. It sends him into another coughing fit and I sigh as I clamber down from Orochimaru’s arms and onto the bed. Finding my footing on the bedding is tough but I manage to walk to him and hesitantly place a hand on his shoulder, then try not to shudder in disgust as I feel his bones shifting underneath my hand. They’re moving, I can see his skin bulging in places and nausea makes itself present as I watch, the bulge of bone reminding me of that scene from the Mummy where the scarabs get into a person then burst out. Tearing my eyes away from the freakiness right in front of me I shove my arm in front of Kimimaro’s mouth.

“Bite,” I say and he looks at me in confusion before narrowing his eyes and shaking his head. What a little shit-stain. “Bite.”

“No,” he spits out and clamps his mouth shut.

“Kimimaro-kun,” Orochimaru says and there’s something in his tone that makes me shiver.

“No,” Kimimaro says, showing the stubbornness and stupidity of a true child.

“Bite me you jerk,” I snap, “it’s not like we’re gonna make out later.”

As soon as the words leave me, I take a moment to close my eyes and pray for my soul. Mind to mouth filter wherever did you go?

“That doesn’t make se-” before Kimimaro can close his mouth I shove my hand into his mouth and then deliver a truly beautiful uppercut.

“Fuck,” I say because the bite hurts! Also the boy has a jaw that has to be made of diamond because I’m pretty sure I just broke and cut my fingers.

“Oh shit,” I say and then drop into a dead faint as my chakra leaves my body in a rush.

It- it’s hard to explain how it feels but if this is how blood loss feels it is something reminiscent of that except it feels _really_ nice. Too nice, I don’t like it.

* * *

When I next wake up now I’m the one in a hospital bed. I stare at the ceiling and sigh. There’s a throbbing pain coming from my bitten hand and lifting my hand up is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. A quick check reveals that not only am I actually really cold but my chakra is barely, I can’t even grasp it only feel the small trickle there where before it had been like a river. My arm shakes as I lift it up to see that it’s wrapped tightly in bandages. No one is in the room with me; so sighing I move lethargically to remove the white bandages.

Is this chakra exhaustion? 

My eyes feel gritty, my limbs are shaking they feel so heavy, I can’t move my legs, the edges of my vision are a blur, and it feels as if there’s a weight on my chest. Combine a caffeine crash, followed by the symptoms of withdrawal, and the effects of a fever and you’d get how I was feeling at the moment.

The rest of the bandages fall and I stare in horror at my hand. The flesh isn’t healed, small tiny holes showing where the teeth punctured my hand. Against my pale skin the bite is a harsh crimson red that as I clench my fist oozes small amounts of blood. That’s gonna scar like badly if it hasn’t healed already and throbbing in pain. There are two crescent shaped marks on my hand, one on my palm right underneath my thumb and another on the back of my hand again right underneath my thumb.

I’m going to kill Kimimaro … and Orochimaru.

I have a _scar._  

“Goddamnit,” I say and feel a surge of emotions rise in me.

It’s stupid, I know it’s stupid to get so emotional over a stupid bite but I can’t help it as I let myself cry. Frustration at how I actually let myself be bitten no how I gladly obeyed Orochimaru and even tried to win favor with him, anger over even if I didn’t he would have just tied me up and let me be bitten, loss because here was more inescapable proof that I am not that woman from Before and I never will be, and maybe a little vanity because I had honestly thought I wouldn’t scar this body like I had my previous one. Cradling my hand I let myself cry until no more tears run and I’m mostly just gasping for breath.

“Shinobi who cry are trash,” I hear and my head snaps up to glare at the small boy there. “You are useless to Orochimaru if you let your emotions get in the way.”

“As if you’re any better,” I his and take satisfaction at how he flinches. “You adore him, that’s showing emotion, you’re just as weak as me.”

“That is different,” he says, trying to school his tiny face into blankness but I can see the pout in his face. “I am stronger than you will ever be. Orochimaru said so.”

Well, he’s not wrong but I’m not gonna give him the satisfaction of letting him _know_ I agree.

“Strength is more than just muscle, bone-boy,” I snap. “You wouldn’t be walking if wasn’t for me.”

“Orochimaru would have found another way,” he says, so sure of himself, “He knows everything.”

“You’d think so,” I say mysteriously and lay back down so I don’t have to see his scar making mouth.

“He does,” Kimimaro says, I don’t respond. “He does, say he does.”

“Sure, he does,” I draw out and close my eyes. Then gasp when a body lands on top of me and small hands close around my throat.

“You will not disrespect Orochimaru-sama,” he snarls at me, rage coloring his pale features so he doesn’t seem like a doll brought to life. “He knows all, say it!”

“Make me,” I gasp as I try to pry his strong tiny little hands from my throat.

“I will,” he says, determination making his eyes narrow in focus and then he lifts one hand to make a bone spike come out from his palm.

I watch as he pulls his hand back but with only one hand now holding me down I twist and send him flying off the bed and to the ground. The slippery nature of the sheets helps me because the boy weighs way too much for someone so small and thin. Scrambling off the bed I go for the door but before I can reach it I’m tackled from behind and French kiss the ground.

“You asshole,” I screech and try to lurch him off but he weighs a bunch and I’m still not at 100% or even 25%.

“You speak like a commoner,” he says and I can feel a something sharp press to the back of my neck. “Orochimaru will not mind if I get rid of the garbage.”

“Oi,” I snarl and try to move my neck only to stop as the bone dagger digs in sharper. “I’m at least a dumpster you two-bit villain.”

“Your words do not make sense,” Kimimaro says but before he can continue the door opens. I try to look up but that only makes the bone dagger dig in.

“Well, what do we have here,” I hear that familiar beautiful voice and grin.

“Kabuto,” I sob out, using the scratchiness still from my early crying bout to use. “He’s being mean to me!”

“Oh,” Kabuto says and I can feel Kimimaro tense up. Probably sensing the real danger in the room. “Boys who mistreat girls who were nice enough to cure them have no place here.”

“My hands gonna scar,” I whimper and manage to stick my hand out to show the wound.

“Leave, Kimimaro,” Kabuto says and for a moment Kimimaro hesitates but then gets off me.

I immediately scramble up and run to Kabuto and grab his pant leg to hide behind him. Kimimaro has his face set back into blankness but as he passes me by I stick my tongue out and lower an eyelid. His eyes flash in anger and he makes towards me but then the door closes in his face.

“Zen-chan,” Kabuto says and I look up at him. He is laughing at me, I can tell he is and I huff before going to walk to my bed, and then promptly crumble to the ground. I groan at my lot in life and the injustice in the world.

“Come on,” he says and nudges me with a foot. I glare at him and proceed to crawl my way to the bed.

Looking at the distance from the floor to the bed I decide I’m better off on the floor and flop back down on the ground.

This is fine. I am fine.

A pair of hands grab my by my waist and I’m put face down on the bed. Kabuto sits at the nearby chair as I continue to lie face down, refusing to move until I can’t get enough proper air in my lungs. Flipping over I sigh and look to Kabuto who is laying out a small bowl of soup and some rice. My stomach growls and he smile softly at me and I relax into bed, no plans on going to sleep once again.

“Kabu-kun,” I say and he hums back in response. “Who was that jerk?”

Kabuto snorts in amusement before giving me a chastising look.

“That was Kaguya Kimimaro,” he says and I glare. I already know that! “He is the last of his clan, the Kaguya, and he possesses the advanced manifestation of their kekkei genkai.”

“The bone thing,” I say and feel a shiver crawl up my spine. His bones had moved underneath my skin, unnatural. 

“Yes, the Shikotsumyaku,” Kabuto says and I just stare at him. “The bone thing. Now eat.”

I sip my soup and fiddle with my chopsticks as I eat my rice. My chopstick! My hands rush to my head and they’re not there! Forgetting my food I frantically search the bed and then the table right next to me but they’re not there. If Kimimaro broke them I swear I’m going to- to do something!

“Looking for this,” I hear and my eyes snap to Kabuto who is holding one. It isn’t broken, bent, or chipped and I nod enthusiastically. “I found it on the floor, here.”

He gives it to me and I smile as I hold it then motion for the other. Kabuto looks at me confused. 

“There were two,” I say and his brows furrow as he looks to the ground.

“I only found that one,” he says and gets up to look at the floor and underneath my bed. When nothing shows up I frown and clutch my single chopstick.

“Maybe it’s in Kimi-baka’s room,” I say.

“Maybe, I’ll go check but in the meantime finish eating and rest,” Kabuto sighs and sits back in the chair. “You’re not fully recovered.”

“Promise,” I ask and stick my hand out.

Kabuto laughs softly and grabs my tiny hand in his. “Promise.”

“Okay,” I say. Grabbing my hair I twist it into a messy bun and insert the chopstick. It stays but it feels awkward at the back of my head. I'm going to need more practice to get it in the right angle and hold so my hair doesn’t pop out and get in my way next time we spar.

It’s quiet as I eat and Kabuto reads from his files while taking down notes from my monitors. If I never have to see Kimimaro again that’s fine with me, he’s a little jerk and doesn’t need my help. I honestly don’t even know if I can do anything to help him or ruin to Orochimaru’s plans. The only person I have a connection with is Kabuto and if I can get him to change his loyalty that could really screw with Orochimaru. Settling on this I decide to ignore the Kaguya shaped problem of the future and lie back to look at Kabuto as he works. He’s going to be my ticket to freedom, he has to and hopefully he’ll be alongside me when I get out of here.

Yeah, that's good. This is good.

* * *

**Omake: Mess **

 If before it had been hard to focus now it was impossible for me to stay still with chakra at my disposal.

“Zenshi,” Kabuto calls for me, exasperation clear in his voice.

I run/skip to him and give him my best smile. He tries not to smile back but I flutter my eyes and he lets through a small smile before his face shuts down and he looks down at me with disapproval.

“Is everything alright Kabu-kun,” I say, feigning innocence.

He only raises a brow.

I blink back.

“Zenshi,” he repeats and pushes his glasses up so he can pinch the bridge of his nose. 

“Is there an echo here,” I ask.

“What did I say about mixing chemicals when I’m not around,” he asks me.

“To not get caught,” I respond and he glares at me.

“Besides that,” he asks me as he moves to reveal the beautiful creation I made. “What did I say?”

“Chemicals are dangerous,” I say as I stare at the still growing foam in awe. It’s been a few hours and it’s still going though at a slower rate. The yellow foam smells of sulfur and has filled the lab room and contaminated any other experiments that weren’t behind protective glass. It’s apparently also sticky, if the assistants stuck in it says anything.

“Go train with Ziomara-san,” Kabuto says and it takes all I cannot to pout and complain.

“Fine,” I huff and begin to march away. “Oh my notes are in there somewhere.”

“Thank you Zenshi,” Kabuto says as he dons on a hazard suit. “Now go before I send Jinta-san down there too.” 

“Aye, aye sir,” I mock salute and run away before he can mess up my nervous system.


	4. Pieces of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter frenemy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of suicide towards the end.

I spend a week in recovery and it takes about that long for the bite wound to heal, the longest any injury I’ve had has had to heal. Just thinking about the Kaguya now sets my teeth on edge and my blood boiling. If I ever see him again it will be too soon and if I do see him again I’m going to beat the shit out of him. Oh yeah he may be four or five but he can take it, the little asshat had broken my hand when I had given him that uppercut; his jaw is that strong.

“Freedom,” I shout as soon as Kabuto clears me.

“Not so fast,” Kabuto says before I can clear the door, “come back.”

“Mean,” I sigh and trudge back to him.

He looks down at me, hands on his waist, one holding a clipboard at the same time. His attempt at a serious face clashes with his face, still round with youth. He’s really young, I kind of forgot sometimes. No more than 15, my Kabuto.

“Whatcha need,” I say and rock back and forth on my heels.

“I have something for you,” he says and I perk up, looking at him with delight.

“My chopstick?” I ask eagerly, hands outstretched.

He hadn’t found it in the last week and I’d been left to only use one. My hair kept flying away but I may or may not have improvised a needle to help that I “found” in one of the cases in this place. If someone grabbed my hair they were in for a nasty surprise as my hair is thick enough to hide it.

“Close,” he says and my face drops. “Happy Birthday Zen-chan.”

A small box is placed into my hands, wrapped in pretty red wrapping paper and a blue bow. I stare at it for a while then look up at Kabuto. I- I don’t know when my birthday is, I know it’s towards the end of September, and I told this to Kabuto, but I hadn’t been sure about the day. I had been two and some months when I left the orphanage, Kabuto knew this … did this mean he figured out when my birthday is? Did he take the time, for me?

“How do you know,” I ask him as I cradle the gift.

This will be my third gift since being born here. The first being Michiko’s necklace, still at my throat reminding me of my own name, the second Orochimaru’s hair sticks (just given a few days ago, convenient), and now this one. My being reborn here could be seen as a gift … or a curse so it doesn’t count. I almost don’t want to open it, it looks so cute and opening it makes it seem like I value more what’s inside than the significance of it; Kabuto likes me at the least.

“Using the information you’ve given me, the time you’ve been here, and information from your blood work,” Kabuto begins and I can’t help but smile, “I’ve concluded that your birthday falls somewhere between September 22-25, on the day's most common for the equinox to be in.”

“Smarty-pants,” I whisper and pull the bow.

Carefully peeling back the wrapping I fold it neatly then admire the pretty wooden box. It’s been hand painted blue with white flowers on its side, roses at the corners, and a purple-orange orchid at the top and bottom. Passing my hands over it I can feel the telltale signs of many pieces fitting as once but the paint job is so well done and the wood sanded down to such a fine degree I can’t see anything to show its many components.

“It’s a karakuri box,” Kabuto says, “You need to find out how to open it from the puzzle there.”

“Oh,” I say, not looking up from my gift.

Of course he’d give me a puzzle box. My hands are already pressing and sliding the moving pieces of wood trying to figure out the combination to unlock it. It’s a bit like a rubik's cube but you actually get to open the box and store stuff inside. The pieces slide smoothly against my fingers but never threaten to fall apart in my hands in a few moments one piece finally slides farther than the rest and I have my opening. There’s something inside and I turn the box so whatever’s inside can slide out into my hand. A lovely boxwood comb slides out, the smaller varieties that seem almost more appropriate for a large doll than for me. It’s strong but flexible and it’s been carved to show waves with a lily at the corner.

“Oh,” I say, at a loss for words and turn to face Kabuto.

“Do you like it,” he asks me hesitantly and the small bit of uncertainty in his voice and chakra makes me smile softly at him.

“No, I love it,” I manage to choke out, swallowing back the surge of emotion that wants to escape. Instead I go for a hug and whisper, “Thank you.”

He bends down and hugs me back and for a moment I can pretend, I pretend he’s actually one of my brothers from Before. They always had given me gifts they weren’t sure I would like because they knew I liked new things, no point in getting stuff you know you like it’s always better to experiment and they had known that. I miss them so much, so I hug Kabuto hard in remembrance of them and he squeezes back too and it’s ok.

This is ok.

Releasing me, Kabuto steps back while I look down and swipe at my eyes, making sure no tears escaped during that brief moment of remembrance.

“You’re welcome Zen-chan,” he says and ruffles my hair.

I beam up at him, not even caring that he dislodges my hair stick and needle. I slide them off and put them in my new box and fiddle with it until everything locks in place.

“Come on,” he says and I follow him out the door.

We walk in comfortable silence, me fiddling with my box as I try to keep up with his larger steps. We end up in the kitchen and there he sits me on the table gets to cooking. It’s so domestic I giggle and smile at his questioning look before starting to hum a half forgotten tune my mother used to sing when she cooked. It was peaceful the sound of food cooking, me humming, and the knowledge that this could be considered my first birthday celebration. Of course it didn't last long.

“Oh,” I hear and freeze at the familiarity of the voice. “It's you.”

Turning slowly I look to the doorway and lo and behold it's the Kaguya. One week, one week I had avoided him and on the day I'm free of bed rest he's in my presence with that foul attitude. Glaring at him I turn my nose up and sneer. His eyes narrow even as the rest of his face remains still, not going to lie I wish I had that amount of control over my face.

“Oh,” I say making sure the derision is clear in my tone, “it's you.”

“I just said that,” he says, his eyes really glaring now.

“I just said that,” I say in a high mocking tone.

“Stop it,” his voice rises, he's losing his cool.

Ok so maybe mocking a four year old isn't the “adult” thing to do but I did it Before too as a full blown “adult” so I'm not exactly the perfect image of maturity here. Plus the vindictive pleasure I got made me giddy so I'm not exactly going to stop.

“Stop it,” I say and it's apparently the final straw because his face twists into a cute little snarl and he jumps.

“That's enough,” Kabuto says as he catches the Kaguya mid jump and releases him.

The affronted look on his face makes me grin victoriously as I look down at him from my higher position on the table. His gaze falls on me and he frowns petulantly, crossing his arms as if to stop from trying to choke me. He looks very adorable with his murderous frustration, probably because he's four.  

“Zen-chan please stop aggravating Kimimaro-san,” Kabuto turns to me and my face falls.

“But he started it,” I whine and take a brief moment of silence for the death of any maturity I might have had. “He comes into my house on the day of birth and talks to me-”

“This is not a house,” the Kaguya says and I bare my teeth at him in mimicry of a smile. “You do not make sense.”

“Neither does your face,” I say and Kabuto sighs so deeply I can feel it.

“Zen-chan if you don’t stop I won’t give you cake,” Kabuto threatens and I turn so fast to him I almost fall off the table.

“Cake,” I ask and try to give him my most pitiful look, I don’t know how it looks just that it is effective. “I’ll be good.”

“What is cake,” the Kaguya asks and I turn back to him. I study him in an attempt to see if he’s trying to trick us into getting cake but he honestly looks confused.

“You’ve never had cake,” I ask incredulously, how is that possible?

“No,” the Kaguya says and his brows furrow, “What is it?”

Amazing, he really doesn’t know. A swell of pity rises in my chest and I try to stomp it back down but looking at his confused face makes it rise and I sigh.

“I can share,” I say grudgingly, mourning the loss of a full cake I might have eaten, “It’s really good.”

The Kaguya looks at me, his face somehow more confused before falling into blankness once more as he looks down and scrapes a foot on the ground. It’s adorable and I hate it.

“Okay,” he says and clambers onto one of the chairs. His head barely clears the top of the table but he still manages to sit in a proper fashion. I lie down on the table. “Why are you on the table?”

“Because I can,” I respond and close my eyes in an attempt to nap.

“It is not proper,” he says and I open one eye as I turn to face him. I can barely see him but we make eye contact.

“So,” I say and yawn, “It’s my birthday, I can do what I want.”

“Sit up Zen-chan,” Kabuto says and I get up to sit cross-legged on the table.

He sets down three plates, one for me that he places on my lap, one for the Kaguya that he places in front of bone-boy, and one for himself that he places in front of himself before he sits on the opposite side of the Kaguya.

“Itadakimasu,” Kabuto and me say but the Kaguya doesn’t and just blinks at us.

“What does that mean,” he asks.

It suddenly hits me like it did when I first saw him in the infirmary bed: his father and clan had locked up Kimimaro. They’d been afraid of his power and had decided he would be best locked up until they could set him free to wreak havoc on their enemies like a rabid dog. No, like a tool to be used then locked away so no one could see. He doesn’t know etiquette, doesn’t know what cake is, and probably never tasted a sweet. My box is next to me and it’s mine, a gift from my Kabuto and Orochimaru-sama but as I look to the Kaguya does he even have anything to call his? The clothes he is wearing is a simple grey yukata with a purple obi, I know it’s from Orochimaru because I’ve seen some of outfit of the other experiments and it’s similar but his is a higher quality, he has a child’s obi instead of the purple rope belt.

“It’s supposed to be a sign of thanks,” I say to him and swallow the rise of guilt and anger, poking at my eggs to distract from his curious gaze.

“It’s proper to say before any meal as sign of respect to the gods for food,” Kabuto adds in.

“Oh,” the Kaguya says, “Does Orochimaru-sama, say it too?”

“Yes I do, Kimimaro-kun,” I hear Orochimaru-sama say from behind me and almost jump out of my skin. I hadn’t even smelled him come in, forget about hearing him the moves like a snake.

“Then I will too,” the Kaguya says. A bright smile appears on his face as he looks to the snake-sannin with utter adoration. “Itadakimasu.”

Turning I look behind me and sure enough Orochimaru-sama is there. I stuff some egg in my mouth and just wave in greeting, munching on my food instead of blurting out something stupid as is becoming way too common. Turning back to my food I catch the Kaguya’s affronted look and as he open his mouth to speak, probably to condemn me for not falling on my knees and praising the very ground Orochimaru-sama walked on, I quickly shove some of my food in his mouth to shut him up. Gods, he’s so annoying and I’ve only been in his presence for 10 minutes or less, collectively.

“When you are done meet me in the training ground,” Orochimaru informs him and then his golden eyes fall on me, “You too Zen-chan.”

At the endearment I smile and nod before swallowing my food in a rush to respond, “Yes Orochimaru-sama.”

He nods, serves himself some of the food and glides away, like I’m not even sure his feet are touching the floor and I can see his feet. We finish our breakfast and Kabuto pulls out a scroll. With a brush of chakra, the smell like the smoke from a firework to my nose, out pops a small square cake for maybe two people. Kabuto slices into three pieces and I mourn the loss of the cake I could have eaten if I wasn’t such a bleeding heart. Handing me a plastic fork, Kabuto takes out his and gives the second plastic one to the Kaguya. It’s styled like a strawberry shortcake and at the first bite I close my eyes and savor the sweet taste of berries and cream on my tongue. I haven’t had sweets in forever and I almost cry, like it’s so good I want to build a small shrine to this cake.

“Thank you Kabu-kun,” I say and hug him, my arms wrapping around his neck as I can actually reach since I’m still on the table.

“You’re welcome,” he says and ruffles my hair.

We eat in silence and as soon as my fork can’t scrape anymore of the frosting I sigh in contentment and disappointment. No more cake, a true tragedy here. Looking up I see the Kaguya licking his fork and grin in triumph.

“Ya like it, huh,” I say smugly and he freezes like he’s been caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

“It’s good,” the Kaguya murmurs, “thank you.”

“Ya welcome,” I say, “Its strawberry, right Kabu-kun.”

“Correct,” Kabuto says and picks up my plate and the Kaguya’s. “Strawberry shortcake the baker told me.”

“Can you get me more,” I ask and flutter my eyelashes at his amused face. “Pretty please, I won’t mix chemicals anymore if you do.”

“Liar,” Kabuto says. “Go, Orochimaru-sama is waiting for you both.”

“Fine,” I sigh and jump off the table. “Come on Kaguya.”

I march off to the entrance and hear him scramble towards me. His steps are light and barely audible, unlike mine that I make sure slap against the stone corridor since I hate shoes. Skipping as I make my way to the training cave, I hum “Black” from Homestuck to myself in order to get myself pumped for training instead of falling into a panic because Orochimaru will want to see how I’ve progressed with my chakra chains and the answer will be not much since I last trained with. The Kaguya has to speed up to keep up with my skipping and I grin at him as he scowls at me.

“Race you!” I say and immediately take off down the hall.

“I don’t know where we are going,” he calls from behind me and I roll my eyes as I turn and beckon him.

“Then better keep up ‘fore the assistants think you a runaway ‘speriment,” I say. “They’ll lock you up down under,” then pause and rephrase that, “well more down under.”

“It is rude to run in the hall,” the Kaguya says as he hesitantly walks forward.

“Come on,” I whine and then grin as an idea hits, “I bet I can get to Orochimaru-sama before you and he’ll be so impressed with me he’ll take me outside.”

“Will not,” the Kaguya snaps, eyes narrowing in anger.

He’s still down the hall while I’m at the intersection to another hall. He’s now studying the distance between us and tilts his head as he takes a step back and crouches down in preparation for a sprint. Good, now to make him actually run.

“Will to,” I say and then burst into a run.

Laughing I don’t look back to see if he’s behind me, he’ll keep up if he can. Soon enough I hear another set of footsteps behind me, getting closer with each stride until he’s right next to me face blank as he tries to keep up with me. He’s taller than me but I know where I’m going, and advantage he doesn’t have as with the next split I make to the left then spin to the right, making him run into the wall.

“Ha! Not very impressive Kaguya,” I shout behind me and laugh at his shout of frustration.

I hear him scramble to follow me and his steps soon are dogging mine but this time he makes sure to keep behind me but there’s no need. With a boost of chakra I speed up as soon as I see light up ahead and can hear when the Kaguya begins to realize that the light up ahead is the training cave as his steps become faster but I’m in the lead. Just as I can see the hall/tunnel begin to open up and the open space beyond I hear a snarl of frustration and then a weight hits my back and I curse as I roll into a ball to avoid smacking face first into the ground. We tumble and I try to break free from the iron grip around my waist but it's futile so instead as we roll to a stop I use our momentum to end up on top and then jerk my head to hit the Kaguya in the face with the back of my head.

“Ow!” We both shout, well I shout the Kaguya more whispers it.

His head is like stone except I can actually break stone with a little help from chakra. The back of my head throbs but I still try to break free except he rolls and now he’s on top. He takes my arms and pins them on my back then he actually stands up and presses a foot down on my hands as with the other he places it on my head so my face is forced to the ground.

“You asshole,” I shriek and try to twist free. “I’m not into your weird kink!”

“You are annoying,” he says and adds pressure to his foot pinning my hands.

“Yeah and you’re into some weird things kid,” I snarl back. “Let me go I don’t wanna be part of your sick fantasy!”

“Who even teaches her that,” I hear Ziomara say somewhere nearby. “Where does she even get it?”

She’s the oldest of the test subjects at sixteen but not the strongest. Orochimaru had her outfitted so she can mix genjutsu into her water techniques, so she can make a mist that is laced with her chakra and basically makes it impossible for you to break free from it. Unless you know a fire jutsu as Jinta does. Jinta can shoot fire out of his hands. Yeah, I wish I could do that but I’m still too young to undergo any procedures, or so I heard one of the assistants say.

“Kimimaro,” Orochimaru-sama says and I sense the Kaguya freeze at the tone.

Smirking into the stone grab his foot with my hands and then flip so that the Kaguya loses his balance. I end up on my back and the Kaguya lands with a resounding thud to the floor. Dusting myself off I get to my feet and now to Orochimaru before getting up and saluting him.

“Zenshi here sir,” I say like I'm sounding off. Some of the others stifle giggles but I can still hear them.

“I can see that,” Orochimaru says amusement in his eyes and chakra scent. “Kimimaro, I expected such things from Zen-chan but not from you.”

I see the Kaguya flinch and hear the disappointment in Orochimaru's tone even if it's not in his chakra. I know it's fake but I still feel a bit guilty at putting the Kaguya at the end of Orochimaru's disappointment, I wouldn't want to be in his position.

“I am sorry Orochimaru-sama,” the Kaguya says quietly as he gets up and bows to Orochimaru. “I will not do so again, forgive me.”

Orochimaru stays silent, as a matter of fact the whole cavern is silent and as I look around all their attention is on us; well on Orochimaru and the Kaguya I'm just in the way. Their eyes stare at us, at the Kaguya and I can see Kenji's from a distance away and he is grinning maniacally as he sizes up the Kaguya. Kenji's the go to person to “introduce” every new experiment that arrives. He's been tweaked so he doesn't need to actively direct chakra to his muscles to enhance them; all his chakra is directed there. In essence he's a walking wrecking ball but that much chakra sent to his muscles has a drawback. He can't control his strength, the constant deluge of chakra actually burns his muscles, and he's not all there if you get what I mean. How did I beat him when we first went toe to toe? He had chakra suppressants on him of three varying levels. Only the first one had been released when I went up against him, which apparently is regular genin strength but considering that I should technically be at civilian strength it says a lot about me, or more about my pain tolerance.

Jinta is a distance away, his black eyes staring I out general direction. When I mean black, I mean that his entire eyes are black, he has no irises that I can see and I'm not sure if it's a dōjutsu he has or he's been made that way but it allows him to see how chakra moves. Not inside someone like the Byakugan or the Sharingan but outside it. He can effectively see nature chakra and can manipulate it but he has to be careful, also he can control other people's chakra once it has left them: he hijacks jutsu.

They're the Top Three in this lab and to be considered top dog you need to defeat them to be the next Pokémon grand champion. Depending on whom you face, how you fight, and if you can beat them determines where you're placed. If you beat Ziomara you go to the genjutsu guys because you're most likely smart if you beat her and intelligence usually point to high possibility you're going to be good with genjutsu and yin chakra. If you beat Jinta you most likely have a kekkei genkai or are really lucky and you get to be sent to Orochimaru or Kabuto our resident kekkei genkai experts. If you beat Kenji you're either smart or really strong and depending on which will get you sent to the slave driver taijutsu experts or with Ziomara’s group. The losers are the ones who are sent “down” and we never hear from them again or at least their screams mix in with the ones that you hear the further down the lab you go.

I don't know where I fall. I'm the youngest here at three now so my body can't handle many modifications, if any, but I have a lot of chakra, resilience to pain, and my freakishly fast healing. I don't get along with many of the others and try to stay out of Kenji's way; he's been itching for a rematch with most of his suppressants gone. I know them though and know how they think and right now they want to know what makes the Kaguya so special Orochimaru has called him by his name. Except for Ziomara, Kenji, Jinta, and me, Kabuto and the other assistants call the experiments by the numbers given to them the day they were experimented on. If you have a name you're someone, if you don't you're fodder or going to be fodder soon. It makes it all the more amazing for Kabuto to have accepted me, most of the experiments go back to their “rooms” aka their cells though for Ziomara, Kenji, and Jinta it's a pimped out cell but I get to stay in Kabuto’s room and eat with the assistants in the kitchen. Most of the time I'm thankful and have managed to charm many of the assistants but it doesn't exactly make me popular with the other experiments. The other times I try not to panic at what it means, at the loss I'll feel when I finally age enough that I do become experiment worthy.

The silence goes on so long I can sense the tension rise in everyone inside and the dread growing in the Kaguya’s chakra, like the smell of petrol in saltwater. I can smell the rising eagerness of the other experiments and even some of the assistants for bloodshed or punishment, like the smell of rising sea tinged with copper. It’s too much, all on just one small boy that in the end does not know how things work here, who for now has the favor of Orochimaru and will in the future but it doesn’t feel so now and the urge to draw away the attention from him rises in me and before I can stop myself I’m skipping forward and throwing an arm around the Kaguya’s bowed back. I can feel the attention drawn to me and then Orochimaru’s curious look falls on me. He’s entertained at the turn of events, curious at my actions, and waiting- waiting for what I don’t know but it makes me nervous and I’ve never done well under pressure Before but I have to now. The Kaguya’s chakra conveys confusion, anger probably at how I’m now using him as an arm rest, and relief just a small bit from the attention and probably Orochimaru’s fake disappointment.

“Mah mah, Orochimaru-sama,” I begin, trying to channel the coolest guy I have seen and then blink really slowly for the stupid decision I made, I can smell Orochimaru’s amusement grow.

“Don’t be hard on bone boy, ” I say and pause as this time I do close my eyes to pray for my soul. “I don’t- not- yeah go easy- damnit!”

“Where does she get this from,” I hear one of the assistants whisper and a wave of giggles breaks out. Thankfully that’s enough to breaks the tension and everyone goes back to whatever they were doing except for a few curious assistants.

“What I’m tryna say,” I sigh out, “is my fault, I challenged him but of course I’m so awesome I was gonna win so he had to resort to desperate measures.”

“Not true,” the Kaguya finally regains his voice and snaps up, dislodging me from his back. Losing balance I hop back on one foot, waving my arms around until I settle on both feet.

“Yeah true,” I sing song and then for added flare toss my hair over one shoulder, or I try to, it ends up slapping me in the face.

“Is not,” the Kaguya snaps and I can almost see him mentally stop his foot. How adorable with his murderous rage.

“Is to,” I respond and relish how his face twists into an absolutely cute scowl tinged with murder.

“Is n-” the Kaguya begins only to stop at Orochimaru’s hand on his shoulder.

“Is to,” I say quickly before Orochimaru can speak and smile innocently at him.

“Thank you Zen-chan,” Orochimaru says, “since you have taken the responsibility for your actions and Kimimaro-kun’s you’ll be on clean up duty after everyone is done today.”

“Ah,” I begin but stop at his blank gaze, “Yes Orochimaru-sama.”

“Ziomara, Kenji, Jinta,” Orochimaru calls and the three appear next to him, already in a kneeling stance before he even finishes Jinta’s name.

“Yes, Orochimaru-sama,” they say in unison and I can’t help but be impressed.

“What can we do for you,” Ziomara speaks, not lifting her head up.

“Kimimaro-kun,” he calls and the Kaguya perks up and walks to Orochimaru’s side. “These will be the three you are fighting today.”

“Yes Orochimaru-sama,” the Kaguya responds and takes a step forward. Ziomara now looks up and stares at Kimimaro curiously before looking to Orochimaru and bowing her head back down.

“Which of us goes first Orochimaru-sama,” she asks.

“All of you,” he says and this makes the other two look up and stare at the Kaguya.

He’s only like four or five but he’s already giving them a look like he’s not very impressed with them. Gods, the kid is going to be pain in my ass I can already tell. Kenji is already grinning maniacally as he touches the seal at the base of his throat. That seal controls his strength, it goes further down his chest and ends right beneath his heart where the core of chakra is produced. Jinta’s black eyes look at Kimimaro and I can see the boy take one step back, his body tilting as if to flee but he takes a deep breath and steadies himself. Ziomara is looking at Kimimaro with confusion, her grey eyes taking in his small frame and I can see her already slotting him as easy.

“Zen-chan,” Orochimaru-sama says and I snap my attention to him.

“Yes Orochimaru-sama,” I say.

“Clear the area in a 5 meter radius,” he says and I nod as I measure the distance out with my eyes.

“Alright listen up,” I yell at the top of my lungs and everyone freezes, I have a good set of lungs now, “Move it or get beat out of it!”

“How far?” I hear one of the assistants shout back and looking at the trio and the Kaguya's relaxed stance I know a ten-meter diameter isn’t going to be enough.

“15 meters at the least 20 at most,” I shout out and then beat a hasty retreat to the “box” where Orochimaru is at already.

Jumping up there is now second nature and so far I haven’t been forbidden from it like some of the others. Scrambling up the stone I turn so I’m facing the clearing now made from everyone backing away and making a loose circle in my given estimates of the oncoming slaughter. Kabuto isn’t with me so I sit on the ledge and swing my feet in the open air, humming the half forgotten tune of “The Hanging Tree” from the Hunger Games. The way we live it might as well be sometimes, especially in moments like these.

“Countdown Zen-chan,” Orochimaru says softly. I hear him anyway and sigh out a breath. This is what I’ve mostly been relegated to doing besides training, a walking microphone.

“Ready,” I shout and Kenji’s handler moves forward and looks to Orochimaru-sama.

I don’t see his response but the handler only nods before pressing a finger to Kenji’s throat and I smell as his chakra increases… and keep increasing. Where before it had smelled of a bonfire now it was like the choking smell of an out of control forest fire. Eagerness tints Kenji’s inferno of a chakra but in the back I can smell the sour-sweet smell that clings to the cells down under and to the death wards. Jinta is nervous, no he’s absolutely terrified of Kimimaro and I don’t blame him but it does make me wonder what it is he sees in Kimimaro or around him. The fear smells of thick cloying vanilla, too sweet to really be considered nice, plus I hate vanilla and have you ever actually tasted vanilla extract? It tastes disgusting. Ziomara was the calmest of the lot, unable to see Kimimaro’s danger but not itching for a fight either. Of all the experiments she is the kindest although that isn’t saying much since she has been known to let her victims damage themselves when caught in her genjutsu and she had a fondness for tearing eyes out. Her chakra smelled like dark chocolate and of chamomile, calm under pressure. So she felt something but was unsure and going to press on, very brave of her- if she had a choice in the matter.

“Steady,” I shout and this time the assistant leaps away as Ziomara raises her hand into her signature attack, Jinta falls into a stance, and Kenji lets loose his chakra.

It’s an inferno, so strong and flowing no- _burning_ him and his life to make him strong, even I can see and feel the output. He’s burning through his life force and I’m not even sure he knows or will care. Turning my head I look at Orochimaru-sama and his face is blank as he looks but I can smell in his chakra disappointment like crushed black pepper in my nose. He knows, he has to, and Kenji’s days are numbered once his body cannot keep up with the output. Had Orochimaru been trying to imitate the release of the Eight Gates in a less destructive manner? Looking at Kenji he’s strong but he’s unstable and the promise of sickness and death clings to him an unwanted promise. Orochimaru succeeded in a way but failed in one and I know he’s either scraping it away or thinking of a way to alter someone else and try to take out the negative effects of the procedure.

“Begin!” I say and before I even finish Kenji has already jumped forward and punched the area the Kaguya had been in.

It’s caves beneath Kenji’s hand but the Kaguya is in the air and he doesn’t even notice until he delivers a beautiful kick to his head with one outstretched leg. Kenji’s face meets the ground and the Kaguya uses him as a base to kick off, further sending him into the stone while the Kaguya is now heading straight first to Jinta. Jinta does a really impressive back bend, gliding underneath the Kaguya while at the same time releasing a large ball of flame. The jutsu hits the Kaguya straight on and he goes flying upwards and Kenji wastes no time, leaping in the air afterwards with a snarl. He can’t use chakra to cling to walls, his chakra is too out of control for that, but his jump has the added benefit of being helped by chakra so he jumps higher than the Kaguya so that his just over him. Kenji grabs him and delivers a quick series of punches to the Kaguya, making the smaller boy’s head snap backward in an uncomfortable angle.

Oh the Kaguya isn’t dead; I would smell it if he were, but if he doesn’t start using his bone thing he’s going to get his ass kicked. As they drop together Kenji grabs him in a tight hold and begins slamming his head onto the Kaguya’s. Mistake. Kenji’s scream of pain happens right as they hit the ground, the dust and debris making it hard to see. Jinta scuttles back as Ziomara circles the area they dropped down, her hands on the final hand sign for her genjutsu. Then Kenji is kicked out of the dust and right at Jinta who just manages to dodge. He doesn’t dodge the blur of speed that come barreling right behind Kenji and Jinta screams in pain as a piece of bone hits him right in his abdomen.

“Oh, that’s gonna smart,” I say, clicking my tongue because I thought Jinta would dodge that.

He’ll survive too; the medics here, plus Orochimaru-sama if he deemed Jinta worthy of saving for later, are too good to let something like an abdominal stab wound ruin their experiments. It’s a bit amusing to see a small tiny child throw someone thrice his or her age and height over one shoulder and into and incoming Kenji. Kenji’s arms and face are littered with stab wounds but his chakra is in effect cauterizing the wounds; he doesn’t stop to grab Jinta he merely bats him aside and runs towards the Kaguya, fist already raised again.

“You will not get far,” the Kaguya says and ducks, then pivots around on one foot.

I barely catch a glimpse of a sharp bone emerging out his hand before he’s using Kenji’s own momentum to slice him. A lot of blood spurts out and Kenji howls in pain as he crashes to the ground clutching at his chest where he stupidly let himself run into the Kaguya’s hand blade. What a fucking idiot. The Kaguya walk leisurely, like he has all the time in the world, to Kenji and I feel a stone settle in the pit of my stomach. I know what he’s going to do, I can smell it in his chakra the simple-minded focus. He does not feel bad about what he is going to do, not one bit if it pleases Orochimaru. Swallowing the lump in my throat I feel the urge to intervene but as he walks forward I know I’m not going to do anything. That thought makes me freeze and I watch the Kaguya stop by Kenji.

Why don’t I do anything?

I should do something.

The Kaguya lifts his hand bone sword dipped in red, it almost looks fake, and I can feel my heart in my throat.

Why don’t I do anything?

A soft chuckle behind me makes me shiver and I turn around, Orochimaru has a pleased look in his face, in his chakra, and I know why.

Because I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of what he’ll do, what will happen to me if I stop the Kaguya, if I can stop the Kaguya, of what the others will think if even try to stop him, of my place and standing with Orochimaru if he knows that I don’t approve of what he’s doing. I want to cry, my emotions are bubbling so close to the surface but I can’t let them out, I don’t think I ever will. So I shove them back down and turn away from Orochimaru-sama to look back at fight and almost fall of my place on the railing.

Ziomara, how could I have forgotten, is holding a blade (no idea where she got that from) against the Kaguya’s bone sword and she’s staring right at him while in a defensive position over Kenji. Making sure not to sigh a breath of relief, I sigh as if bored by the turn of events and Orochimaru-sama’s attention shifts to me for a second, I can feel it, before his eyes are back to the fight. They stay frozen like that; Jinta is nowhere to be seen now that I’m looking, as Kenji struggles to get up while glaring at Ziomara.

“I don’t need your fucking help,” he snaps, though the fact he needs time to get up is telling, “I can do this on my own!”

“Idiot,” I huff under my breath.

“Oh, why is that Zen-chan,” Orochimaru-sama says, he never asks.

“Can’t tell they’re in a genjutsu battle,” I reply, not looking back at him.

“You can,” he says.

“I can smell it,” I respond without thinking and feel his attention drift to me.

Moment of silence for my mouth to brain filter.

“You can smell it,” he repeats.

“Is what I said,” I say and I feel like smacking myself, nice time to roll out the ‘tude me. Smooth, fucking smooth.

“What do you smell,” he asks this time and it’s enough to make me turn to him.

Mistake.

His golden eyes capture mine and I can’t look away even as I hear a yell from Kenji and a yelp from Ziomara. The idiot must have taken Ziomara’s silence as her ignoring him and shattered the genjutsu battle. That’s at the back of my head though, a distant thought, because right now I’m in the snake’s gaze and his attention has been called forth. I can’t lie to him; I never had been a good liar.

“I will not repeat myself Zenshi,” he says and I can feel a bit of intent in his voice and my muscles seize up as sweat breaks across my brow.

“I can smell chakra,” I say on autopilot, the fear making my heart leap in my chest and throat. “Every one smells different, but some stuff’s always smells da same. Like chakra bein’ used in a ju'su always smells like bu’ned out fiyawoks, genjutsu smells like an ol’ camp fiya," my voice slips on words, an accent of sorts coming out, the Kaguya is right I do talk like a street rat, "Ya smell like an oncoming storm and blood, Kabu-kun smells like still water ‘n’ silver needle tea, da Kaguya smells like lilacs, Ziomara-san smells like violets ‘nd an open field, fear smells like vanilla-”

I am rambling but Orochimaru doesn’t stop me, his eyes sharpening until they look like solid polished gold coins. I tell him the smell of the emotions that I know, what I think some emotions smell like, that some I can taste, that I can’t smell my own chakra, and that I can’t sense chakra or really “feel” or “see” chakra but what I do get is smell. Running out of things to say I look away back to the fight and the Kaguya has broken Ziomara’s hands. Kenji is holding his stomach and too much blood is flowing out and there’s actual fear in his eyes as he looks to the Kaguya. Jinta is now facing the Kaguya and he’s spitting out fire jutsu but the Kaguya is too fast, he dodges and Jinta is too panicked (he isn’t thinking straight and doesn’t think to wait for him to get closer to increase the probability of hitting him) so he turns to run away from the Kaguya and doesn’t see the Kaguya pull free a bone sword from his shoulder. He lands on Jinta like a spider monkey and Jinta falls down, but before he can retaliate the Kaguya stabs down right below the neck and I flinch. That’s a serious place to injure it’s where the spine meets neck and damage to that area can make someone a quadriplegic. Even I’m not sure if Jinta can recover from that without Orochimaru’s interference and considering how he didn’t even last 2 minutes against the Kaguya doesn’t bode well for him.

“Well done Kimimaro-kun,” Orochimaru says right behind me and I let out a squeal of surprise I only manage to choke back after it’s out.

“Thank you Orochimaru-sama,” the Kaguya says and bows in the direction of Orochimaru.

When he gets up he’s so _proud_ , a smile of adoration makes his face shine, displaying to all just how _young_ he is. He really can’t be more than five; no more than five and he just took down two teenagers and a tween without injury to himself. He’s panting and sweating a bit but there’s been no harm to him. The blood on him is from the other three, and there is some from where his shoulder sword came free of and that had been freaky to look at not to mention the way his skin and flesh just _split and open_ is pretty gross. I’m three years old and I can use two jutsu but just looking at the Kaguya shows me how powerful Orochimaru wants his subjects to be. That amount of power, already in a four/five-year old and he’s only going to get _stronger_ , I don’t think I can achieve that. Not taijutsu wise anyways, but jutsu- I’m an Uzumaki.

Holy shit.

 _I’m an Uzumaki_.

I feel like slapping myself at the realization. Goddamnit I’m an Uzumaki! My chakra reserves are only going to grow, Kushina had been physically strong, I’m pretty tough since my pain receptors are fucking jacked up, and I can heal pretty well. Looking at the Kaguya hope fills my chest, I can be strong, and I need to be strong. I don’t want to end up here forever; I don’t want to end up like him. I need to get the hell out of here as soon as I can. The Kaguya’s eyes fall to me and I see his smile fall into a scowl as he looks up at me, his eyes glare at me, and his mouth turns into a petulant scowl. What the hell? I haven’t done anything why is he glaring- oh! He’s jealous; why would- I’m technically with Orochimaru up high. The symbolism doesn’t escape me and I smirk at him, taking joy in his deepening scowl. Perhaps antagonizing the Kaguya isn’t a smart thing to do. He can kill me, especially right here. I hope I don’t have to interact with him anymore.

“You’re next opponent is Zen-chan,” Orochimaru says.

My stomach falls, the world falls away and I’m looking at the Kaguya, his blood splattered body and clothes and the growing look of satisfaction in his eyes as he turns to me. I can’t fight the Kaguya, not right now, preferably not ever thank you very much.

“Zen-chan,” Orochimaru-sama says and I turn to look at him, making sure to wipe clean my face of fear, shock, and growing anger.

“Yes Orochimaru-sama,” I say on autopilot. His eyes are amused; his chakra is amused, champagne bubbles in my nose and mouth.

“Go,” he says.

Oh hell no. I don’t want to, but when I don’t move his eyes narrow and fear wins out. Nodding stiffly I let go of the railing and drop to the ground. I channel my chakra to my feet to cushion the fall and I land perfectly. Walking to forward I never take my eyes off the Kaguya, whose gaze goes dismissive, as he looks me up and down. Anger surges up in me and I grit my teeth as I go past him and to the middle of the clearing. Turning I face him and let out a large breath as I fall into a stance. I’ve been training, it’s all I’ve been doing since I came here and I can dodge with the best of them but I’m not as fast as the Kaguya. He’s stronger, his very bones like titanium, his own family locked him up, and he needs no weapons because his own body is the weapon. Taijutsu is out of the question, one hit and I have no doubt he can knock me out, I only know two jutsu and known of them like Jinta who has two jutsu for every element thanks to his ability to manipulate natural chakra. I’m not going to win, this is fact but I’ll give him a fight because if there is one thing I do have it’s endurance- and my chakra chains but ever since I fought Kenji I haven’t been able to make them no matter how much Orochimaru-sama and Kabuto have put me through the ringer. I didn’t see him do it, and though that doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t, but I don’t think he can climb up walls.

The Kaguya walks forward and he’s facing me now. He doesn’t fall into a stance, simply stands and looks at me. It’s quiet and I’m not going to attack him first that would be the height of stupidity after seeing what he did to Kenji. There is no dramatic breeze, only the stillness of the cave, no quiet intense silence, the others have gone back to doing their own things and the sound of fighting and talking echoes throughout the cavern.

“Begin,” Orochimaru-says and I just manage to throw myself backward to avoid the bone dagger that stabs the area I was in.

He’s too quick, the only reason I can dodge is the tell tale smell of his chakra scent telling me what direction he’s coming in. My heart is in my throat and ears, I have no plan except only to dodge and wear him out. He is relentless, as soon as I dodge a knife strike I have to duck under an oncoming fist, then jump to avoid a leg sweep, only to twist and avoid a grab that’s sure to leave me holey.

“Bunshin no jutsu,” I shout as I finally make it to some stalagmites and hide behind one. Three illusions of me appear and we split up as the stone behind me gets pulverized.

“Tricks and dodging will get you nowhere,” the Kaguya says but I can see him hesitate as he wonders which one is the real me.

“Kawarimi no jutsu,” I breathe under my breath and let the jutsu capture me and replace me with a rock. Now I’m at the other side of the clearing as the Kaguya decides to chase after one of the bunshin.

I don’t know what Orochimaru wants; he knows I can’t beat the Kaguya. I’m just not at that level yet. Watching the Kaguya catch up to my clone I see him stab it and try not to snicker as he passes right through it. My clone turns to him, grins and sticks out her tongue before disappearing. Huh, they do hold a bit of personality even though not being solid like the Kage Bunshin.

The Kaguya spins and his eyes flit over the field but I duck before he can see me. So he can’t track chakra yet, which is good for me, but from his attack and the previous bout of fighting he’s not afraid of giving out debilitating, if not lethal, blows. Of course, Orochimaru-sama didn’t give him restrictions and he’s not fond of me. As a matter of fact I’m pretty sure the Kaguya hates me, he would kill me without a thought. I smell his chakra and run further into the stalagmites just in time to avoid the destruction of where I’d been hiding. I’m closer to the walls now and even from here I can smell the frustration and confusion in the Kaguya as well as the determination. He really does want to kill me.

I swell of bitterness rises in me and I go to the wall and immediately run up to it. What the hell did I ever do to him? The more I think of it the angrier I get until it feels like an inferno is building up in my chest and I’m up at the roof of the cave. Everything looks distant from here, a bird’s eye view of the place and I can see my clone is dancing out of the way of the Kaguya; literally she is dancing out of the way. Her cavalier attitude seems to make the Kaguya madder and madder and as I watch his moves get sloppier. Huh, why didn’t I think of that?

She’s not going to last long, the chakra I gave her was small and the amount I’m using right now to cling to the roof of the cave is eating up my reserves. I go to a gathering of stalactites and study them, turning my back to the taunting. I think I can knock them down but I’ll have to use chakra and by my dwindling reserves I won’t be able to cling to the wall, I’ll have to fall down with them. Looking back down I look at the position my clone is in and where the Kaguya is, if I time it right this part of the roof will fall on the Kaguya. There is no doubt in my mind he’ll survive it, the question is will it be enough to knock him out and will I survive the fall? Does it even matter if I do? In the end I am no one, I don't matter.

Biting my lip I glance back down and if I don’t act now I’m going to miss my chance. To do or not, that is the real question and as I look down I see the Kaguya finally catches up to my clone and stabs her right where the heart is. He will kill me, and that pisses me the fuck off. Snarling I turn and punch the wall, a crack forms, I run to the other side and punch again, more cracks, I run to the other side and punch it again and small pieces of stone fall, one more hit, and I run back to the other side and punch with all my strength. The roof falls and I fall too, my chakra slipping away long with my footing.

As the ground come closer I swear and twist midair to get to the largest chunk of stalactite but it’s to far. I’m falling too fast! I won’t survive the fall if I can’t cushion my fall with chakra or with the falling rocks. My heart picks up speed and fear rises with my ever-present anger and I scream as I continue to fall. The Kaguya hears and looks up along with everyone else and I can see his eyes widen, I’m so close to the ground, see as he turns to run from the rock fall but it’s too late he’s going to get caught in it and so am I because I didn’t fucking think this through!

An itch forms in my palms and I know this feeling I know it, and without further thought I direct the rest of my chakra into my palms and direct it at to the ground. Chakra chains shoot out from my hands and hit the ground with such force they slow my descent but it’s not going to be enough and I gather all my chakra and shove them to the chains so the grow and lengthen the, coil up just as I hit them as I land. The pain is so great I lose my breath and black out but before I do the dull roar of hundreds of pieces of stone fill my ears.

* * *

For the second time in less than a month I wake up to the sound of a dripping IV and machine. For a moment I don’t know what happened and panic seizes me as the thought of time passing that I wasn’t aware of, of having been experimented on without knowing it, makes me bolt upright; or at least try to. A gasp of pain is wrenched out of me and I look down to see I’m basically wrapped in bandages. Falling back down into the bed I let loose a whimper of pain as my back protests the abuse.

Why am I wrapped in bandages like a mummy? I’m not a mummy right? Oh my god I’m a mummy, I’m the walking dead- I don’t want to be a walker!

“Why are you so loud,” I hear and turn my neck to see another bed.

“Why are you so annoying,” I shoot back and wince at the sound of my voice. I sound like a pack a day smoker.

“You are the one who is annoying,” the voice says and I squint just in time to see the person roll over and lo and behold it’s the fucking Kaguya.

“Nu-uh,” I say as anger boils up in me as I remember what happened, “I’m adorable, you’re just a nuisance.”

“I am not a nu’sance,” he says, his words slurring either due to pain, he doesn’t know the word, or pain killers.

Lucky bastard, I’m not allowed painkillers since the average dose for me is that of a full grown adult and Kabuto has deemed that this would affect me negatively. Really starting to wish I didn’t have a ridiculous pain tolerance because right now I’m in pain but can’t have painkillers since they would be practically useless.

“Yes you are,” I reply and turn away to look at the stone ceiling, “You da reason we both here.”

“I am not the one who dropped the roof,” he says and I close my eyes. Yeah that- that hadn’t been a good idea but looking back at him he is in the hospital room right with me and I’m awake.

“I won,” I say and close my eyes.

“Did not,” I hear and try to hold back a smile.

“Did too,” I say.

“Did not,” he says and I giggle because it’s so ridiculous.

The giggling soon gains a companion and then we’re both laughing like school children. We’re not school children, oh gods we are so far from that, but we are children and we just tried to kill each other but didn’t. The euphoria of waking up alive, the fact that Kimimaro is not trying to kill me, and that I can feel my chakra and it's changed it’s more solid inside me now I can feel it like a snake beneath my skin- no like chains underneath my skin. Our giggles and laughter soon taper off and in its place a companionable silence fills our room. Just as I’m about to drift back into sleep the smell of curiosity hits me nose and I turn my head to look at the Kaguya.

“What’s up,” I say and he blinks as he runs my question though his head. I can practically see him processing it and it’s adorable.

“The roof is up, though it is also the floor of the forest so beyond that is the sky,” he says and I smile at his response. He’s only five.

“How old are ya bone-boy,” I ask instead and see him frown at the nickname.

“I am five and do not call me that,” he responds.

“You talk like an old geezer,” I say and watch his frown deepen. I don’t take any joy in it this time and I sigh not wanting to lose the camaraderie that appeared between us. “Whatcha want me to call you then?”

“Kimimaro,” he says eagerly and I watch him flinch, ”call me Kimimaro and I do not talk like a geezer.”

“Kimimaro,” I say and it’s a mouthful, “Kimi-kun and yes you do.”

“Well you talk similar to a street urchin, Uzumaki,” he says but there’s no bite to his comment and when I don’t respond besides a giggle I see his shoulders relax, “not like someone who accompanies Orochimaru-sama.”

“That’s ‘cuz I don’t,” I say and watch his eyes flicker in surprise.

“You-I mean- you do not,” he asks and there’s something like hope in his chakra and voice.

“Nah,” I say and close my eyes, “I’m gonna be an experiment for him one of these days.”

“You are,” he asks and now there’s a- well it smells like fear but what does he have to be afraid about? I'm the one with that slated future not him. “I thought-,”

“Yup,” I say cutting him off, “I was brought in by a creepy old man as experiment fodder for Orochimaru-sama. Don’t know for what but Kabuto likes me, I think, and I was da youngest so I’m not old enough to survive any procedures but I will be, one day.”

“How old are you,” he asks me after a lengthy pause. His voice is soft and my eyes snap open and I glare at him. I do not want his pity, I don’t want anyone’s pity.

“I jus’ turned three, the cake ‘member,” I snap, “I don’t need yo’ pity.”

“Well you will not,” he snaps back, anger in his voice and chakra. “I do not feel such basic emotions for trash.”

“Then don’t talk to me if I’m garbage beneath you,” I hiss and turn away from him, ignoring the twinge of pain.

It was nice while it lasted but Kimimaro is already slated for another destiny, it's just coincidence this happened. I bet after today I’ll never see him again. Well that’s fine with me- excellent even, it’s not like I like him or that he reminds me of someone- not at all. Fuck that shit, all I need is Kabuto, my handler my death warrant signed. I know how things will end with Kabuto- with me beneath a blade as he experiments on me. Maybe there’s a chance for us to runaway from here, it could be possible but it’s small and this entire place has a future for itself. I’m just a blip, a tiny thing in the face a grandmaster plan. I’m a mistake but I’ll be fixed soon enough.

“I do not think you are trash,” Kimimaro says.

I hear it but at first I don’t process it until I do. I turn to face him and now he’s the one looking away.

“Why not,” I ask softly and he shifts until he’s looking back at me.

“Because you won,” he says.

I stay quiet. That hadn’t been a win, it had been a suicide attempt masquerading as a plan but I’d rather not think about what that means. He’s not even hurt, there are a few bandages on his head but he looks fresh as a daisy while I’m wrapped in a million bandages and even with my healing factor I still feel like shit. No, I did not win that fight but I take it as the peace offering it is.

“Yeah,” I say, “guess I did.”


	5. Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song by Muse of the same name.

It goes without saying that Kimimaro gets released first. Saito-san is the one who comes in and checks his injuries and bandages then frees him of said bandages and escorts him out and to who knows where.

“Kabuto-sama will be in shortly to see you,” Saito-san tells me.

“Yay,” I say, practically dripping with enthusiasm (not).

Saito-san snorts and closes the door behind him as Kimimaro shoots me an unreadable glance before the door shuts in his face. Turning my head I look to the table and sigh in relief when I see water. Sitting up is a struggle but I manage and even pour myself a glass of water as I wait for my Kabuto. Humming a half forgotten tune I finish my water and am contemplating a nap just as the door opens.

“Kabu-kun,” I shout and try to jump up only for pain to flare at the base of my spine and I fall back on the bed. “Ow!”

“Please try not to move,” Kabuto says and I freeze at the clipped tone.

“Okay,” I say quietly and watch him as he approaches.

His face is blank, smooth as a river stone, and though his chakra scent is there I can’t smell anything as to his emotions. Fear grips my heart and I look into his eyes and they are blank; I can’t read him.

“Kabu-kun,” I say quietly.

He doesn’t respond except to look over the machines and check my bandages as he writes down something on his clipboard. He takes my pulse, checks my ability to feel and move but his questions have no inflection, they’re just as blank as him and utterly professional.

“On a scale of one through ten, with one being no pain and ten being the pain is too much you cannot feel or respond, does this hurt,” he asks and presses a hand to my bandaged arm and gripping it.

“Three,” I say because it twinges in pain but it’s not exactly making me want to cry, no that’s Kabuto’s continued apathy. “Kabu-kun are- is you mad at me?”

“Do you have any pain that you would classify as a five or more,” he asks, ignoring my question.

“My back,” I respond and try to sit up. “Kabu-kun I’m sorry please-”

“Please remain lying down,” he says cutting me off and a swell of emotion hits me.

“I- I’m sorry please,” I begin and stop as a sob breaks free and I clamp my mouth shut so as to swallow back my tears. I can’t cry, crying is for the weak and I’m not weak! “Don’t- don’t-”

It gets quiet and the only sound is my harsh breathing as I try to swallow back my sobs but the tears are a lost cause, I can feel them trailing down my cheeks those traitorous bastards.

“Damn it Zen-chan,” I hear and curl up into a ball when he calls me Zen-chan, this time the sob does break loose and I’m crying as a pair of arms wrap me in a hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I repeat, it becomes a mantra that I don’t stop even as Kabuto starts trying to shush me. “I didn't- I don't wanna-”

“I know Zen-chan” he says and rubs tiny circles on my back, helping me calm down.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper and just hold on, not even carrying for what exactly I'm apologizing for but I  _never, ever,_ want that blank look directed me.

“Me too,” Kabuto says and pulls back a little but I don't want to let him go. His hands gently tug at mine but I shake my head no and just cling tighter, burrowing my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He sighs and holds me and that's all I want. “I didn't mean to upset you but-”

“Is it ‘cuz I didn't tell you about da chakra scents,” I mumble into his shoulder.

“No- well a little, Orochimaru-sama asked me if I had been withholding information,” Kabuto says and this time he does pull back and tugs my hands free, holding them in his. “Zenshi look at me.”

I had been looking at his hands, they were larger than mine, both my hands fit in his single one but he was cupping my hands in his. His skin is just a shade or two darker than mine, I'm so pale too pale. His hands release mine and go to my chin, making me look up and into his dark grey eyes.

“How old are you Kabu-kun,” I ask and a brief look of surprise flashes in his eyes and for a moment I can smell it in his chakra before it's gone.

“Don't change the subject Zenshi,” he says and a flicker of anger rises in me but I shove it down. “You withheld information from me, I'm your handler that makes me responsible. That information could be crucial in- Orochimaru does not like sloppiness.”

“In what,” I ask softly and stare at him. He is the one who looks away first. “In what Kabu-kun?”

“In further procedures to be done on you,” he says, still not looking at me.

“Tell me Kabuto,” I say, my voice still quiet, my hands still in his. I feel his grip tighten on my hands. “When the time comes for me to be on the lab table-”

“Zenshi,” he says and there's emotion there but he has such an iron tight hold on his chakra I can't scent what he's feeling. I didn't know I'd been relying so much on that chakra scenting.

“When I'm on there,” I say and now it's me pulling my hands free and placing them on his cheeks. My hands are tiny on his face but he moves with my hands, looking right at me and whatever he's feeling is real, I can see it his eyes and I hope to God I'm not mistaken. “Will you be the one opening me up?”

His eyes study mine and the glare from the overhead fluorescent light makes them shine so I'm unable to see myself in his eyes or glasses. It's like I'm not even real.

“Do you want me too,” he asks softly and something inside me breaks.

“Only you,” I say and fall into his embrace.

It's like falling into death, again.

* * *

In three days I’m released, my bones healed but just mended so I can’t train. Surprisingly enough Kimimaro is there when Kabuto clears me, waiting just outside the door.

“Yo,” I say as I step out, Kabuto right behind me.

“Hello,” he says and stays quiet.

It’s- well I actually don’t know if it's morning, I don’t think I’ve been outside since Danzo took us out the cart and we descended underground, but the feeling of being too early to deal with anything is strong. I’m hungry so I follow Kabuto as he walks to the kitchen, my feet bare on the cold stone floor. When I don’t hear him follow I sigh and turn around and he’s still by the door, an unreadable look on his face but hesitancy in the scent of his chakra.

“Ya coming or not,” I say, hand on my hip as with the other I wave him over. He hesitates and I roll my eyes, march over and grab his wrist. “Come on, I’m hungry.”

“Okay,” he says and follows behind me, he turns his arm and his hand slips into mine. I break into a brief jog to catch up to Kabuto and when I do I grab his hand as well. He looks down and smiles at me briefly but then his eyes flick to Kimimaro and the smile disappears.

“Hello Kimimaro-kun,” he says and though he let go the tight hold on his chakra it goes inward and once again I’m left blind to what he’s feeling.

“Kabuto-san,” Kimimaro says and there’s annoyance in his chakra if not his voice.

The boy has way too much control over his face and voice, I want to punch him but I refrain. Honestly I think I’ve become more violent here, Before I never would have raised a hand to anyone but here I do.

“Zenshi,” I say and they both look at me, “What, I thought we were statin’ da obvious.”

“No, simply greeting,” Kabuto says and ruffles my hair. “What do you want to eat?”

“Cake,” I say and he chuckles.

“Sorry but I haven’t been outside-” suddenly a large blare fills the tunnels making me scream in surprise. “Shit.”

“What the fuck,” I say over the loud blaring but just as I take a step forward Kabuto grabs me and begins running.

“What’s going on,” I ask as we blur past tunnels and hallways, people running all over the place.

“Kabuto-sama!” I hear and Kabuto stops to turn to who called him, Kimimaro right behind him. “Kabuto-sama what do we take?”

“Take- one moment,” Kabuto says and sets me down.

My heart is beating fast and now that I look we’ve travelled downward, just before the locked up experiments are. I don’t like coming here often; the smell of the infected, of rotting chakra, of sickness and death always makes me feel sick. Turning I’m just about to ask Kabuto what is happening but watch as he bites his thumb and goes to a wall and draws a seal. It’s not overtly complicated and he finishes it within seconds before he adds chakra and the seal glows before transforming into something else. It vaguely reminds me of something I saw in Bleach once, the grey-haired lieutenant of the medical corps making a way to speak to everyone. Kabuto places his hand right over it and with a grim look shoves more chakra into it until the seal expands and then it hits a previously unseen seal. I watch, utterly in awe as previously unseen seals appear over the walls, stretching out and going upwards and further downward.

“Attention all assistants,” Kabuto says and I can hear his voice echo everywhere, “Code 3 has been activated, grab whatever you can and head to Location Alpha.”

There's a pause and suddenly around Kabuto’s hand small tiny seals appear and people are sounding off confirmations. The person who had called Kabuto first nods and then goes away, further down the tunnels.

“What of the experiments,” a voice says and my attention goes back to Kabuto.

“Do we have it all on record,” Kabuto asks.

“Yes but some-,” the voice says.

“If we have the notes we can recreate it, we don’t have any way of transporting them now,” Kabuto cuts him off, “Follow procedure.”

“But sir, some of them can be salvaged, they can walk or run surely-,” the voice says and Kabuto frowns.

“Repeat that to yourself and tell me with absolute certainty none of them will disappear,” he says and something in my brain clicks. Staring at Kabuto I take a step back, his face is serious, cold, calculated and so does his chakra.

The voice hesitates and it’s silent for a while then, “No sir. Following procedure.”

“As you should,” Kabuto says and for the first time I am afraid of him.

Right here, right now, I don’t see my Kabuto I see _his:_  Orochimaru’s Kabuto, his right hand man, and the shadow of the man who would inject himself with Orochimaru’s blood to become him. I am afraid, and I am _pissed_ the _fuck_ _off_.

He turns and the coldness is still there, his eyes fall to me and in them I can see him study me. I know with absolute certainty that if I don’t measure up to standard he will kill me, like all the other experiments being killed off right now.

“Ya gonna put me down,” I say. I feel my face twist, my body shakes, and all he does is blink. “Gonna put me to down to sleep, like a dog.”

“What is going on,” I hear and Kimimaro is next to me.

“Something big happened,” I say, still shaking, “They killing off all the others ‘n’ just taking da information.”

“Yes, Konoha has finally found one of our labs,” Kabuto says and he kneels right in front of me. I take a step back and finally the blank coldness in his eyes begins to fade, “We need to leave Zenshi.”

“If I had been on one of those tables,” I say and he reels back, emotion finally coming into his face, “you would have left me.”

“Zenshi please,” he says, almost begging but I don't believe it.

“You wouldn’t even be the one to kill me,” I say and that hurts, that thought hurts so much- oh my god I’m so fucked up. “You’d have let some no name asshole do it.”

“Zenshi,” he says and reaches a hand out but I step back, his face crumples.

“I would have been notes on paper to you, information on a computer,” I hiss and turn to run because it _hurts_.

“I’ll kill you,” Kimimaro says, soft face set into a firm scowl, his hand on my arm, “I’ll do it.”

“It won’t mean anything,” I hiss at him and try to tug my arm away but his grip is too strong. “You don’t even like me!”

“I-” He says but then hands wrap around my waist and I’m pulled up.

“Zenshi,” Kabuto says and I struggle to break free of his grip. “Listen, listen!”

His arms hold me in a tight hug and I’m still shaking with anger and grief that I mean so little to him. So little he would have someone else kill me and not him.

“No!” I shout and for a moment I consider using my chakra chains to break free, they’re right there, right beneath my skin but as I turn to face him, I catch his eyes and I stop.

His eyes are hard with emotion, his chakra buzzing with confusion and determination and loss.

“If you want it,” he says, “I will do it, but you’re not going to die, not when I’m the one caring for you.”

He means it, he means it and the tight vise of betrayal and anger clinging to my heart lets go and I sag in his hug and hold tight to him.

“Promise,” I say and I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die but if I have to I want it done by someone who cares.

“Promise,” he says. “Now we need to leave. Kimimaro if you have anything here go get it, just follow any of the assistants and they’ll lead you out.”

“I have nothing,” he says and I turn my head from it was pressed into Kabuto’s shoulder and look at him. He’s looking at us and though he doesn’t show it I can smell it; envy. “I will be with you.”

“I still have important files I need to seal away,” Kabuto says, displeasure in his tone and chakra, “Orochimaru-sama will want you at the Otogakure labs as soon as possible.”

At the mention of Orochimaru, Kimimaro hesitates before he nods once.

“You make sense,” he says, so formal for a child, “I will go with the others.”

“Good,” Kabuto says and stands up. “We’ll be right behind.”

Then he breaks into a run and we’re going down deeper into the tunnels. I cling to him like a lifeline and watch as the tunnels get wider and wider, light growing further and dimmer apart until we’re running in practical darkness. We stop at intervals, at doors of stone that retract with the touch a seal and close behind us as soon as we’re through. It’s quiet here, eerily so and my heart is the only sound along with Kabuto’s soft breathes because even I can’t hear his footsteps. Taking in a deep breath I try not to gag at the rotting stench of lingering illness and death. Well Death doesn’t have the smell of rotting things, it- well of all the scents it’s the most indescribable and the most blatant. It can’t be confused with any other scent, with any emotion or anything alive, but it’s so hard to explain _what_ it smells like. Perhaps the best analogy to it is heat, the heat of the desert, the heat of lava, it’s doesn’t smell like anything really (you don’t ever really smell heat) you just recognize it. It fills my nose like noxious fumes and I burrow my head into Kabuto’s neck and try not to breathe. He stops once more and I’ve lost count how many level down we are now but as he opens the stone door he doesn’t break into a run, he just sets me down.

The alarm is still blaring loudly even here, the seal extending further but this time there are no dark cells and the lighting is a soft yellow and steady. Kabuto walks and I hurry to follow, turning my head because this area is just a tunnel, there are no cells down here. We end up at a door and he lays his hand on it, sends chakra into it and once again the door opens but this time into a cramped room. Well no, it’s actually very large but the sheer amount of books, scrolls, charts, and paper thrown everywhere has me gawking.

“I need to seal everything here but we’re pressed for time,” Kabuto says as he pulls out a scroll, “I need you to help me.”

“How,” I ask, “I don’t know how to seal.”

“The seals are already made, you just need to add chakra,” he says as he lays down some scrolls and opens them to reveal a design there. “Grab as much as you can and lay them on top then send chakra down into it and say ‘Seal!’”

I jump as he slams his hand down atop one of the seals, a pile of books on top of it. A sound like fabric ripping, then a small ‘pop’ similar to ears popping in high altitude and the pile disappears with the scent of burnt smoke. The kanji on the scroll changes right before my eyes into the one for ‘book.’

“Got it,” he asks, already piling more things anti more seals.

“Got it,” I say and begin grabbing anything near me.

It astoundingly easy to send chakra into the seals, it's like they're small tiny black holes eager to take my chakra and so fascinating. The files and paper I seal away are all complex equations I can't make sense of but they must be terrible important if Kabuto came all the way here, the fact they're all the way here, to get them tells me all. I can't read them, the kanji too complex for me the only thing I can tell apart are individual ones and some hiragana. Kabuto has been too busy lately to really teach me how to read, I need to change that. Soon enough we have everything sealed away and I'm sweating from exertion of hauling so many heavy books and files and also from my chakra being low.

“Let's go,” Kabuto says as he places the last scroll in one of his many pockets. I raise my arms and he picks me up then takes off in a run.

It's quiet now, eerily so. The blaring noise of the alarm has finally stopped but in its place is a crushing silence. As we leave the lower level and enter the lab rooms I see chaos everywhere. Rooms that had once been locked are open and either stripped bear or in such disarray it looks like a tornado swept through them. Then there are the bodies. Here and there are assistants but more are the experiments that put up a fight. Some of them are adults, more of them are teenagers, and every once in awhile there's a small tiny body thrown in the passageways or in one of the rooms like a rag doll. I close my eyes and pray they suffered a quick death, all of them.

“Zenshi I need you to go on my back,” Kabuto says as he stops next to a steel door, “it will make running easier.”

“Okay,” I say and stare at the steel doors.

This is happening, oh my gods I’m leaving this lab. I haven’t been out since I first came here, the only ones allowed to pass through those doors the assistants, Kabuto, and Orochimaru-sama. The only reason I know these are the doors that lead out is because usually I’m not allowed to be even this close to them. Swallowing the lump in my throat I scramble up Kabuto’s back and cling to his neck, using some of my chakra to stick to him. Securing me he lays a hand next to the stone, there’s no visible panel or switch to open the door but at the smell of chakra being used I realize that it has been locked with a seal. The steel doors slide away and we walk through past them, I don’t even hear them slide shut but when Kabuto turns they’re closed. He bites his thumb once more to make fresh blood flow and places his hand atop the stone of the walls, opposite from where the other seal had been. Dragging his thumb I see him add new things to the kanji and there’s no doubt in my mind he’s set the thing to self-destruct but before he can finish an explosion rocks the entire tunnel.

“Kabuto,” I say because he had been in the middle of drawing a new seal. He hadn’t finished, so there should be no reason for anything to be exploding.

“Shit,” Kabuto says and I flinch because he barely ever swears. “We’re out of time.”

Then he breaks out into a run. When I had first arrived here with the nameless kunoichi so long ago, almost a year now, we had entered via a natural tunnel hidden by a copse of trees and probably genjutsu. It had been very Alice in Wonderland-ish as we did have to drop down for what seemed like forever into a dark tunnel that ended abruptly by dropping us into a cavern that split into so many directions. The kunoichi had known how to navigate this place but I had not and had soon gotten dizzy and confused at the many forking tunnels we passed until we had arrived at a seeming dead end the kunoichi had used earth jutsu to move then we travelled some more until we came to these steel doors. Whoever has arrived has found the fake dead end, and it’s not that far from where we are.

“Hold your breath,” Kabuto says and I don’t question it, just take a deep breath and hold it.

“Doton: Moguragakure no Jutsu,” Kabuto says.

Then he dives into the nearest wall and I try not to scream at first because he’s running _right into a wall_ , and then because the sudden loss of sight, sound, and the all encompassing rock. Did I mention I _hate_ enclosed spaces? I can _feel_ the stone, like fine sand, against my skin all around me and I want to scream. It’s like being buried alive, no I am being buried alive holy shit I want out, _I want out_ ! Just as I let go, as I begin to kick so I can escape this, escape this _hell_ , hands grab at my wrists and no, no, no, no I don’t want to be here! But the hands grab mine pinning them to a collarbone and one holds them as another shoves my head into a shoulder and I scream. I scream into the shoulder until I run out of breathe then I struggle to breathe and there nothing, there’s no air and I flail, trying to reach out for air that just isn’t there but the hands are still pinning mine and won’t let me go, won’t let me be free.

In the back of my head I know what this is, I’ve had enough experience to know, but the knowledge doesn’t stop me from panicking, from hyperventilating, and from thinking ‘ _I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die and is that really so bad_?’

Panic attacks fucking suck.

“Zen-chan, Zen-chan breathe, deep breathes,” I hear distantly and I try to latch onto that, onto that voice.

“Good, good take deep breathes, but slowly come on Zen-chan please,” I hear, a little more clearly and this time I realize my lungs are straining, straining with the effort to take in as much oxygen as they can that it hurts.  

I take in a deep breath, hold it, then release it and repeat.

“Good, come on just like that, one more Zen-chan,” Kabuto says and my vision clears from the haze of tears that had blocked it.

“Kabuto,” I ask and my voice sounds raw.

“Zenshi,” he says and crushes me into a hug, “ Zenshi I’m sorry, I’m sorry but I had to, they would have caught us.”

“It’s ok,” I respond as I hug him back, closing my eyes tight, “Is okay, I know.”

We stay like that for just a brief moment and I can almost appreciate what the stupid fucking horrible jutsu did if I didn’t just suffer a panic attack. This is it, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for, Kabuto showing he cares for me just as I much as I do for him but I can’t appreciate it, not when my heart is still hammering in my chest, not when it feels like my lungs still can’t get enough air in them, and not when I can still feel dirt and stone on my skin like the parting caress of a grave. Like a promise unfulfilled but waiting, bidding for the day when I will be tucked into the earth as a final goodbye and finally, finally be able to _rest_.

“We need to go,” I whisper because I don’t want to think about this, not now, I have to keep moving on.

“We do,” Kabuto says and he sniffs and my heartaches, I wanted to know if he cared and he does but looking at this face, at the trail of tears there, I don’t want to make him feel like that ever again. “Come on.”

I clamber onto his back and we’re off. It’s night out and I can see the stars in between the branches of so many trees we pass by. They’re different, I’m not familiar with any of the constellations out and it's another reminder of how I’m not from here. Holding tight, but not too tight, to Kabuto I sigh and lay my head down. I’m out of the lab but we’re heading straight to another of Orochimaru’s lab, of that I have no doubt, so I’m not free. How can I break free?

Do I want to break free if Kabuto does not?

Before my thoughts get too maudlin a breeze carries a scent to my nose, making me sneeze. It smells of- no it makes my nose tickle, like burnt metal, like an oncoming electrical storm. Lifting my head I turn to catch the breeze but were running against the current and the smell came from behind. Staring up I see clouds glowing from the swollen full moon, so it could be that a storm is actually on the way. Just as I lower my head another gust of wind from behind brings the scent again, much stronger this time and this time I can smell the hot desert like smell of anger and the salty sea like smell of grief.

“Kabu-kun someone’s behind us!” I shout just in time for Kabuto to throw himself to the side to avoid a katana to the legs.

We land in a tumble and I’m knocked off his back as I slide on the ground until I hit a tree. The force knocks the breath out of me and I’m really getting tired of not being able to breathe.

“Zenshi!” I hear and look up to see Kabuto scrambling up, shaking off all the scrolls he had been carrying like a bandolier on his chest and hips.

“I‘m here,” I say and it sounds like I shout it in the dark forest.

Getting up is hard with my still sore and healing bones but I manage and wince as I feel something pop at my spine. Kabuto’s a bit away from me, a few trees over and he’s just pulling out a kunai when a katana appears at throat slicing height.

“Zenshi, stay away,” Kabuto huffs before he shoves the katana away and disappears, only to reappear behind the ninja in all black and try to vivisect from the bottom of his spine upwards.

The ninja spins away like a demented ballerina in tight black clothing, with a pointy sword, a painted mask, and spiky well it could be blonde hair but it looks bone white- the moon doesn’t exactly make colors visible.

I can’t see their eyes but I know what ninja I’m looking at- relatively: ANBU. I can’t tell age, gender, skin, or eye color from where I am but it hardly matters it’s a fucking ANBU agent. Oh yeah they got fucking owned all the time in the anime and manga, like the red shirts of Star Trek, but seeing this ninja fight- the parts I can see- all suppositions go out the fucking window like shit in medieval England. Their moves are quick as lightening; I see the start and end positions but not how they got there. Kabuto is quick, he’s fast, nimble, eerily flexible, but he’s still so very young while this ANBU is taller, probably older, and in their movements are years of experience. My Kabuto puts up a good fight but he’s not the man that would trick Hatake Kakashi in the heart of Konoha, not yet at least. But he will be- I’ll make sure of it because if it weren’t for my stupid, _stupid_ , claustrophobia Kabuto would already be halfway to Otogakure right now. Way to fucking go Zenshi.

The ANBU delivers a truly brutal scissor kick to Kabuto that sends him reeling back and before I can move the ANBU rushes in and stabs down.

“No!” I scream and the ANBU jerks to me but it’s too late, he’s already stabbed down and I’m running.

No, no, no, no, no please God no! I rush from my place to Kabuto but before I can reach him, there’s a sword in my Kabuto ( _a sword_ ), I’m backhanded so hard I collapse onto the floor. Dazed, I blink up at the sky as the side of my face pulses from where the blow landed though I can barely feel it.

“Don’t move,” I hear and the voice has a smooth low tenor to it, “Move and I’ll kill him.”

“Can I move my head,” I hiss and close my eyes. Way to come out now sass, good fucking timing.

“No,” I hear but I move it anyway and see the ANBU towering over Kabuto and me. “Didn't hear a word I said.”

He grabs his sword and rips it out of Kabuto.

“Stop,” I shout and make to get up but then the ANBU places it over Kabuto’s heart. I freeze. “Please, stop.”

“Leave her alone,” I hear and swallow the urge to sob. He’s still alive! “She’s got nothing to do with this.”

The ANBU turns to face Kabuto but his “eyes” never leave me. There’s nothing to see where the gaping holes of his mask are, nothing but a black hole void of light. Whoever fucking said Konoha is the nicest village was fucking wrong, so fucking wrong.

“You can still talk,” the ANBU says and slowly begins to press his sword down. “Oh dear.”

“You sick bastard,” I whisper but it has nothing of the hate I want it to, it shakes with fear.

 

“No that would be your master,” the ANBU says, as casual as can be. I can smell his chakra though, and it’s full with disgust, anger, and underneath it all fear. “Where is the traitor Orochimaru.”

“Up your ass,” I snarl.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kabuto says at the same time, voice high with pain but chakra strong with determination but as I breathe it fills with exasperation and fear. “Zenshi, please.”

“No, I want to hear this,” the ANBU says and he takes his sword off Kabuto and approaches me. My relief is so strong I don’t even bother being afraid that the ANBU’s attention is now on me, I'm just grateful he’s not focusing on Kabuto. Then the sword is at my throat. “Please tell me where Orochimaru is since you seem to know.”

“G-go suck a dick,” I say.

This is how I die, mouthing off to a deadly ninja. RIP Uzumaki Zenshi, you were loved by a sociopathic tween and dies because you were too fucking stupid to keep your mouth closed.

“Cute,” I hear and the sword digs in but when no immediate death happens I open one eye squeak in surprise to see the mask right in my face. “Until you open your mouth.”

“Have much experience in that do you,” I snap back. “Opening you mouth, probably for big-”

“Zenshi!” Kabuto shouts before hacking up a wet sounding cough and I shut my trap.

Wow, I have no idea where that came from but I’m a little proud. Before I had never been able to come up with on the spot comebacks. Apparently I wasn’t afraid enough for my brain to shut down the brain-to-mouth filter and just spout shit off.

“How old are you,” the ANBU asks as he sits on his haunches, sword still out.

“I’m none of your fucking business years old,” I say.

I’m on a fucking roll… of imminent death.

“She’s three,” Kabuto says.

“Three,” the ANBU repeats and I bite my lip to avoid saying anything. “Listen brat-”

“You’re one to talk,” I say and honestly I probably deserve the slap.

“Hitting a little girl get you off,” I say and spit out blood, “make you feel ‘strong’ like a tough guy.”

“Maybe I should cut out your tongue,” the ANBU says and his hand grabs my throat and squeezes. “It would be for the best.”

“Do it,” I hiss as I grab his hand, “eat it while you’re at it.”

I stare into his void for eyes for so long I think I almost see an eye before he drops me.

“You’re either suicidal or stupid,” he says, “Or possibly insane from whatever Orochimaru has done to you, maybe all three.”

He has a limp, right leg from a strike Kabuto made no doubt from his chakra scalpels. The black doesn’t show it but I know I saw Kabuto land a kunai blow in one arm, probably the one not holding the sword. At Kabuto’s side the ANBU doesn’t crouch down but he does once again press his sword down on him and the breath wheezes out of him. I see red. I need to do _something_ , but what? I can’t fight the ANBU; he’s fucking ANBU for fuck’s sake, with neither taijutsu nor ninjutsu, and forget about genjutsu I’m abysmal at it. If I try to go at him right now it would be a matter of him just literally slapping me away. I could try and throw myself on the sword but the ANBU is quicker than me, I’d have to catch him by surprise and he’s got his eye on me; if I move Kabuto dies quicker. There’s no way I can win, winning would be a fucking miracle at this point and it would be being able to get away not killing the douchebag.

“Where,” the ANBU presses down on Kabuto, “is,” I see the sword sink in, “your,” bile, fear, anger and sheer frustration at my powerlessness, “master?”

“I don’t know,” Kabuto wheezes out. He’s in so much pain, I can smell it, taste it, almost feel it and I want it to stop, please _stop_.

“Bullshit,” the ANBU says and places sandaled foot on Kabuto’s hand and steps down, hard. “You know, why else would you be here, so close to the laboratory.”

“I don’t know,” Kabuto insists and I want him to admit it, just say something so he can stop being hurt!

“I can take you to Konoha’s T&I,” the ANBU says, all smooth words, “if you tell me now I can make your sentence lighter.”

“I’m not a Konoha-ninja,” Kabuto says. Though he doesn’t say it the implication is there, villages do not have a lighter sentence for the people who are not theirs.

“No,” the ANBU says, and he takes out his sword once more. He takes his foot off one hand, and then slams it on the other and even I can hear the bone snap. “I suppose you’re not.”

“She has nothing to do with this,” Kabuto says and the ground opens up beneath me. That doesn’t sound like a plea for forgiveness on my behalf, it sounds like fact. He’s trying to convince the ANBU that I’m innocent. “Take care of her.”

“Kabu-kun,” I say and it comes out broken. “Kabu-kun w-hat are you doing.”

“Stockholm Syndrome most likely,” Kabuto says, ignoring me. “She never went under any procedures, too young.”

“Yakushi Kabuto don’t you,” I begin and shut up before I can cry, “d-don’t fucking speak for me.”

The ANBU is silent then slowly he nods, “I see.”

“She’s an Uzumaki,” Kabuto says and even from this distance I can see the ANBU stiffen. “Full blooded with a 12.5% DNA match to Uzumaki Kushina.”

Well, I didn’t know that. What does that make me, like second cousin to Naruto or something? Fucking great, I’m being bartered on my genetics whoop-de-do, someone call the ancient historical society a truly ancient process is taking place right now! One full-blooded Uzumaki- goddamnit.

Uzumaki, I’m the Uzumaki here.

“She will be well cared for,” the ANBU says and just as he lifts his sword up to deliver no doubt the killing blow I shove my chakra to the palms of my hands and direct them at the ANBU’s back.

He doesn’t have time to dodge, I’m too close, but he moves so it isn’t a killing blow. The chains go through him and then through a few trees before the stop. I don’t if I can disconnect them from me, I don’t think it’s even possible since it is my chakra, but I can drag them back to me and I do. Not going to lie, seeing my chains rip through the ANBU gives me an unholy sense of glee and satisfaction bordering on probably-not-healthy or morally correct but fuck this guy, seriously just fuck him and not in the fun way.  In the end my chakra chains wrench free from him and he’s on the opposite side from us, not moving but still alive. I wait in case he decides to get up but he doesn’t, his chakra scent is hectic in my nose and full of pain and shock.

“I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,” I sing and then break down into giggles. The giggles turn into laughter and soon enough I’m howling into the night like a demented jackal because if I don’t laugh I’m going to scream.

“Zenshi,” I hear and stop, taking in deep breathes.

Kabuto, right, bleeding to death and heavily injured, need to help with that. Crawling to him I brush away my hair and squint to try and see him better. The moon shines down from the canopy, illuminating everything whilst leeching them of color and because of that I don’t see the blood until I step in it. My Kabuto’s blood, spilling all over the forest watering it with his life.

“Kabu-kun,” I whisper now, frantically looking for him. Where is he; he was just in sight not seconds ago! Please, please, _please_ don’t be dead; please don’t leave me alone, _please_!

“I’m here Zen-chan,” I hear and let out a sob as I stumble in the direction of the voice, the scent! “I’m not going to leave you.”

“Kabu-kun,” I say and fall right next to him. My eyes take a moment to adjust but then I can see him and I hold back a sob. His face is covered in bloody spittle, his shirt is drenched in blood, and his hands lie in awkward angles. “Kabu-kun, I’m-”

“Sh,” he says and I shut up, sniffling back my tears like a fucking baby … though technically I am. “Come closer.”

I scoot closer and he turns his face to me, round face beaten and bloody and young, so young. I don’t need him to tell me anything, I place my unbitten hand to mouth and let him bite me. My chakra leaves me in a rush, the feeling so swift and sudden I fall on my back. Dizzy, I look up and stare at the stars, so lovely and so distant; I wish I could be like them.

“Zenshi,” I hear and Kabuto is smiling softly at me, his chest no longer oozing blood, hands in place, bruises gone. “Rest, I’ll take care of you.”

“Promise,” I say.

“Promise,” he says, and I close my eyes to fall into the darkness at the edges.

* * *

 

**3rd Person POV**

ANBU Operative designated Wolf is not enjoying himself. He is so far from enjoying himself he is playing dead so that the demon children will hopefully not realize he’s still alive and leave him be. Through half closed eyes he watches the little girl stumble to her- whatever the hell the younger boy is to her- and cry over him. Then she places her hand in his mouth and he bites down and even from this distance he can sense the flux of chakra and the girl drops like pouch full of kunai.

For a moment Wolf feels his heart stop and his stomach plummet, thinking the girl dead one of the last few Uzumaki- full blooded Uzumaki- gone as fast as she appeared.

“I’ll take care of you,” he hears and hope fills his chest at the same time dread does.

“Promise,” the little girl says, actually sounding like the three-year-old she is than the foul-mouthed punk who’d mouthed off to him.

“Promise,” the traitor’s henchman says, Kabuto if he remembers correctly, and well if he wasn’t in so much pain he’d be scrambling to run away from what he was seeing.

The pale-haired boy lifts the girl up, she’s limp in his arms, and with a gentleness that deceives the lethal nature of the boy he places her on his back shoulders and secures her with a sash made from his ripped shirt. Honestly, he’s a bit in awe of how well healed the boy is; no sign of the stab wounds on him or deterring him. Even his hands are healed since they're in place and not bent at the awkward angle he had left them in. The boy, Kabuto, walks near and Wolf holds his breathe and makes sure his chakra is tight, tight, tight in his chest while making sure his heart slows down. There’s no need though, the boy walks past him to another tree and grabs two bandoliers of scrolls. He uses them to secure the child further and makes sure nothing is out of place before he turn to leave. Wolf would follow but there are two gaping holes in his chest and he’s losing too much blood anyway.

“Oh,” the boy says and turns, facing Wolf.

 _'Shit, he knows,'_ Wolf thinks and tenses imperceptibly.

“Before I leave I’d like to request you not tell anyone I did this," Kabuto says, shifting the child on his back, "lie in your reports about how you got them, say you found them while following us. I do not care but under no circumstances say I gave them to you.”

Then he takes three scrolls and throws them at Wolf. They land on top of him, right where his wounds are and he does his very best not to show pain. That was intentional and if he could get up he would teach the brat a lesson, again.

“If you do it’s very possible Orochimaru will kill me and how else are you ever going to know what Orochimaru does,” the boy, Kabuto says, and a shadow of a smirk crosses his face. “Konoha isn’t the bastion of goodness and altruism you think it is, every tree has its serpents and parasites.”

With that cryptic warning the boy disappears into the night.

“Well, fuck,” Wolf sighs as soon as he’s sure they’re gone.

Getting up he groans as blood leaks out from his chest.He’s already applying medical chakra to his wounds in an effort to stop the bleeding and chewing on some supplementary blood pills when his team finds him.

“What the hell happened to you,” Horse asks as Mouse leans down to apply better healing chakra.

“Demon children,” Wolf replies and watches Horse reaction, “Did you find anything?”

“If by find you mean dead bodies, a self destruct seal, and a wrecked lab then yeah we found stuff,” Horse deadpans and his snarky attitude reminds Wolf of the girl's so much he closes his eyes. “None of it important though, they sacked the place and fled before we could get there, or at least before we could track them.”

“You encountered someone,” ANBU Captain Jackal states.

“You could say that,” Wolf sighs and tries to move only for Mouse to pin him to the tree with a tantō.

“Report,” Jackal demands and Mouse turns to him,“Briefly report.”

“Found the scent for the people who left via the Hiding-Like-A-Mole jutsu,” Wolf begins, cutting out details for the sake of brevity and that he’s going to be saying this to the Hokage as well, “Kids actually, one three the other no less than thirteen.”

“Shit, if they did this to you, Wolf I thought they’d be jōnin at the least,” Horse says and Wolf glares.

“Age makes no difference to those who are ninja,” Mouse interjects and they all fall silent.

“The youngest is an Uzumaki,” Wolf reports.

“Oh shit,” Horse says and Wolf agrees.

“The other is an unknown but highly skilled with genjutsu and chakra scalpels,” Wolf continues.

“Scalpels,” Mouse asks and Wolf looks down to them and nods once, “extremely high chakra control.”

“Are you sure the child is an Uzumaki,” Jackal asks and Wolf glares at him.

“Considering she stabbed me with chakra chains and she healed her caretaker by letting him bite her,” Wolf's says flatly, “I’m pretty sure.”

“Shit,” Horse repeats, this time elongating the word. Wolf agrees.

“We need to fully report to the Hokage,” Jackal says. “Mouse, status.”

“He’ll live to make it there,” Mouse says, ceasing the steady stream of green chakra, “but I want him in the hospital as soon as possible.”

“Good, let’s go,” Jackal order as he helps Wolf stand.

Wolf is not anticipating the oncoming report, hospital visit, and the Hokage’s worry once the mask comes off. He picks up the three scrolls, ignoring Horse’s inquisitive snort, and places them securely on his person. In his eyes he can see the wide-eyed girl, hair a curly mess framing an oval face that now that he thinks about had been shaped like Na- like the Kyuubi jinchuuriki's. Her face, still round with baby fat, resembles the childhood pictures of Ku- of the previous jinchuuriki from the tilt of the nose to the shape of the brows. Twelve percent DNA match to the late jinchuuriki, so six percent match to the newest one. They needed to save that child before Orochimaru ruins her.

‘Stockholm Syndrome,’ the boy had said, and he had meant it on some level, had actually pleaded for them to take the girl. ‘She never went under any procedures, too young.’

He prayed to the Gods they could find her and retrieve her before she isn’t too young anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this straight after I got back to my dorm after listening to a really good run of my music and burgeoning with ideas. This honestly could have gone in three different directions but I finally settled on one and am posting lest I regret it and go back to rewrite it and end up being stuck like I was with Searching for Freedom. 
> 
> Guesses as to who Wolf is? Honestly I wasn't sure whether to add him or not and it's such a trope I almost deleted it but then I'm also trash for tropes so yeah. Questions, comments, advice leave 'em in the comments please! I'll try to respond as soon as possible!


	6. Breaking Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actual bonding shenanigans this time plus fluff, I think it's fluff- yeah it's fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Shinedown's song of the same name, yeah I'm too lazy to actually think of a title so the song that helped the most with writing becomes the name.

Waking up is the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Forget dying, being beaten up by adults, sparring with tiny psychos, and being reborn. I would have been all right with being reborn if I didn't remember my past life, forever consigned to oblivion of the knowledge of the “afterlife” but nope. Every time I have to wake up and remind myself I'm not _her_. Not anymore, the young woman with a large family and a handful of friends a nerd too shy to talk in public but would not shut up when with her friends and family. I'm not that girl anymore and every time I have to wake up and remind myself I'm Uzumaki Zenshi now it's like a small death repeated over and over. Waking up after with chakra exhaustion is even worse but still falls in that category.

“Ugh,” I groan into the shoulder I'm on and try to open my eyes but it's too tiring.

“Zen-chan,” I hear and groan in response, “go back to sleep, it's alright I have you.”

“M’kay,” I mumble and drop back to sleep, exhaustion so deep I immediately fall asleep.

* * *

I'm in a glass case.

Blinking I stare out and try to make sense of what's going on outside. It's all smeared colored and the thrum of too much noise until slowly it begins to clear, like a hand wiping a frosted over window I can see outside and I ache. My family from Before is out there at our favorite park picnicking on what looks like Easter. They're all there my mom, my dad, my siblings, my aunts and uncles from both sides of the family, their children my cousins, my grandparents on both sides though my father’s parents had passed when I was still young but I remember them, my great grand-parents on my father’s side also passed when I was young but I remember them caring for it was that great grandmother who had given me snake eggs. They're were all laughing, playing, talking, eating, so very much alive and I reach a hand out but the glass is in the way. I press against it knowing deep in my heart that if I tried to break it would never crack, so I don't and just watch.

I miss them: I miss them _so much_. It's like there's a hole in the pit of my chest and it can't be filled no matter how angry I get, how happy I'll ever be it will always, always be a part of me reminding me of what I have lost. I slide down against the glass and shake from trying to hold back my sobs. I want my mom, I want her to hug me so hard and tell me everything is going to be all right but she can't because I'm gone, forever. My family, I want my family and I can't have them: I'm so _lonely_.

“Shhh,” I hear and look up. Kabuto is in front of me, a soft smile in his face as he kneels to my height. 

“I have you,” he says and envelops me in a hug.

It's warm and I hug him, hug him like he's all my family and I won't ever, _ever_ let him go. I don't want to be alone, I'm not used to it and Kabuto is my single candle in the wind against that. Picking me up, he begins to walk away and I open my eyes to see my entire family looking in my direction and it hurts but not so much. The smile at me and wave goodbye and though I can't hear them I know they're telling me it's ok to let go. Reaching a hand out I close it and bring it close to my heart, goodbye. Kabuto carries me farther away until they're a small light in the blackness of my dream and then we're enveloped in darkness but that's fine, this is fine so long as Kabuto is with me. 

I wake up.

I hate it.

Turning my head takes so much effort the world spins in my view though I’m lying down on a really comfortable bed. I’m in a room, and actual room and as I squint in the dark so I can see that the room has wood paneling and simple furniture. Kabuto isn’t with me but his scent lingers in the air, he had been in here not to long ago. Sighing I wince as the air scrapes against my dry throat and I turn once more to see if there’s water around. Thankfully there is but getting up, while not painful it takes so much effort I’m left with shaking limbs just from sitting up. I stare out into the room for a bit, trying not to drift off while sitting up, before gathering the will to turn and grab the glass of water already there. I don’t drop it but it’s a near thing and I might have spilled some water as I grabbed the glass and underestimated how much it weighed. Drinking it though is pure utter bliss and I try not to drink it all in one go lest I get sick.

Huh, now that I think about it I’m really cold, too cold, and then I’m shivering as I hunker down after placing the glass back on the nearby stand. Burrowing beneath the blankets I sigh and close my eyes in an effort to go to sleep but I’m in the in-between stage of being too awake to go to sleep but not awake enough I want to actually get up. I press a hand against my cheeks and groan when it feels hot and flushed; grabbing my hair I whine as I realize it’s stringy and a bit stiff from sweat, I have a fever. The door opens with a creak of hinges and I peek out from my blanket to see Kabuto with a two bowls in hand.

“Morning Zen-chan,” he says and I yawn.

“Mo’ning Kabu-kun,” I say mid-yawn.

“I have oatmeal,” he says as he sets down a bowl in front of me.

“Thank you,” I respond and sit back up, the promise of food energizing me as well as the smell of fresh oatmeal.

It’s been topped with sugar, cinnamon, and fresh berries; I’m in love. We eat in silence and by the time I’m done not only do I feel better but a bit of the tiredness is leeching away and I don’t feel so cold anymore, still feel like crap though. Pushing my bowl away I look to Kabuto and he’s studying me, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

“What’s wrong,” I ask, holding my arms in the imitation of a hug.

“You fell into a fever shortly after we made our escape, you’ve been asleep for two days” Kabuto says, “I had no place to take care of you so I went as far as I could before finding an inn and persuading the owners to lend us a room until you recovered.”

“I’m fine now,” I say, “we can go.”

“Not exactly,” Kabuto says and sighs deeply, “the ANBU who found us survived your attack and has informed Konoha of us, the place is crawling with Konoha ninja.”

Oh, oh damn. I say as much and a small smile is all he gives me before his face falls into a frown again. I look and this time I realize that there is a curtain pulled over a window a sliver of light is peeking through- it's the _sun_. Getting up I scramble to the window and try to peer out, almost yanking the curtain off but Kabuto's hand stops me. 

“There's a reason the curtains are closed,” he tells me dryly.

“But,” I stop and bite my lip, acutely aware of how childish I'm being and about to say, “the sun.”

He looks at me, sighs, and then pulls aside one curtain. “Go ahead.”

The smile that comes over my face is soft and true, the only one to ever be on the receiving end of it had been Giichi and now Kabuto. I press my face against the glass in awe as I stare outside. The sky is a robin’s egg blue so sharp and bright it almost hurts to look at it. Big fluffy clouds hover in patches in the air with a few just beneath the sun and I’m struck at the simple beauty. I have not seen the sky in so long and the sun’s warmth, it drives away any leftover chill from when I woke up and I sit cross-legged on the stand so I can look out.

“How we gonna leave,” I ask.

“We’ll find a way,” he responds and a hand ruffles my hair as he stands behind me, looking out through the window.

From our view we look out to see the yard expanding out to the edge of the forest, huge trees clustered so tight together they remind me more of prison bars.

“When do we leave?”

“Tonight." 

* * *

We are not able to leave tonight, or the next night, or the night after that. I’m not exactly sure how many ninja Konoha has but I think every single one has been put to use. The smell of chakra is thick in the air and Kabuto, the real sensor here, says that there are too many ninja scurrying about. Leaving at any point in time is possible in us getting caught and hauled away to Konoha’s T&I tender mercies. The good thing is that I’m able to recover, the bad thing is that the innkeeper’s wife is getting worried about my continued “health problems” and is pushing Kabuto to take me to the clinic, which means going outside and possibly being caught.

“I just don’t think we can afford it,” Kabuto says demurely to the innkeeper’s wife, voice going out in a drawl making him seem meek. I stay silent and try not to laugh, hiding my face in his neck like an actual reluctant toddler when faced with strangers. 

“Oh darling just take her, she’s still got a fever,” she insists, placing a hand on my forehead, “it can’t be healthy if the doctor gives you grief I’m sure I can work something out.”

“You’re much too kind,” Kabuto says, placing a hand on my head and shoving my face against his shoulder so I don’t burst out into laughter. “We’ll go but do you think there’s something I can use to cover her up with, it’s been very cold out.”

“Of course dear,” the innkeeper’s wife says and holds up a finger in the universal sign for wait. She goes behind the counter and takes out an old coat and scarf. “Here put this on can’t have you getting sick too.”

Kabuto sets me down and puts on the coat, a thin thing more for a farmer than a ninja but when he puts it on he _looks_ twelve. Kabuto can change his face merely by the expressions he presents to the world; usually his cold demeanor makes him seem older and professional but right now his fake smile softens his face to a tender age and the thin coat gives the impression he’s wearing his father’s hand-me-downs and is about to go do some errands. It’s really impressive and a bit intimidating just how good he is at changing personas and faces.

“Kabu-kun,” I whine, lifting my arms up in a plea to be carried. The innkeeper giggles at my nickname for him, it’s apparently another name for turnips and that’s what the innkeeper thought I was saying when in truth I had just shortened Kabuto’s name.

I am bundled in scarf and Kabuto makes sure it covers my hair easily. If I could I would use a henge jutsu but Kabuto doesn't have time to teach me and some of the ninja may be skilled enough to notice the use of jutsu. So in effect I am cocooned in the scarf, the material swallowing me up and hiding me from sight. My vision has been cut from all sides but straightforward over Kabuto’s shoulder. As we depart from the innkeepers I wiggle a hand free and wave to the innkeeper’s wife and she does as well. Then we're outside and an endless blue sky is in my view.

“We leaving now,” I ask as I snuggle closer to him.

“Yes,” he says and jams a hat over his white hair, effectively covering him up.

He takes off his glasses and hands them to me. I try them on and immediately regret it, really I should know well after a whole lifetime of wearing glasses and people asking to see them. He is so blind, my god how does he function if he loses his glasses? I’m so happy I don’t need glasses in this life; one lifetime with the things is enough thank you.

“They suit you,” Kabuto says as he pushes the glasses up my nose.

“Can’t see,” I respond and take them off, blinking to restore my sight.

“Ah, well then that answers if you need glasses or not,” he says and continues walking. Without the glasses he looks even younger. It’s amazing what a few small changes can do to an overall outer appearance.

His steps are brisk but not rushed, the sound of his feet actually making noise blurring with the sounds of a waking village and I become drowsy. I am no longer sick but catching up on sleep has been wonderful as well as having to do absolutely nothing. Yeah we may be captured in an instant but this has been more fun than living in the underground lab. I drift in and out of sleep but perk up as soon as we exit the village.

“Made it,” I ask and take a deep breathe.

“Almost,” Kabuto says and I catch a smell in the air. We’re being followed, great.

“They coming from the right, behind us,” I tell him and he nods as he continues walking.

I sniff the air but they keep at a certain distance neither too far nor too close. Kabuto moves so quickly I don't even feel him jump onto the tree branch only that he shift me to his back and I wrap my arms around his neck. He's running and luck is with us because the wind is an updraft and I can scent our followers.

“They still following us,” I inform him.

“I know,” he replies and stops for just a second, touches down one hand, and a seal blossoms from his fingertips then we're off again.

“Kabu-kun,” I say as he keeps running.

“Yes Zen-chan,” he asks.

“Can ya teach me seals,” I reply.

“It will be a lot of hard work,” he states. There’s hidden laughter in his voice and from his chakra I can smell amusement.

“I can do it,” I respond.

“Then yes, I’ll teach you,” he says and I grin.

I’m going to be the best fucking Uzumaki in this bitch. If I can be good at seals I don’t need to know a lot of jutsu, hell I can seal jutsu away in a seal if it came down to it. I’ve got the healing bite, the chakra chains, the stamina, the red hair, and now I’m going to have the seals. This won’t be the first time I’m trying to sustain a dying culture, a remnant of a bygone era still struggling to be acknowledged, and now it won’t be the last. Lifting my head up I sniff and give Kabuto the scents I can pick out of the wind, the ones I know don’t belong in the forest and though it’s hard to tell individuals apart there are no more than 6 scents of differing emotions and no less than 4. Chakra scents of individuals drift more to “natural” smells like that of rivers, flowers, and the like. I can pick out two that I know don’t belong in the forest; the one from the ANBU we met a week ago and one that smelled like smoke and incense.

“They getting closer,” I tell him nervously, how far away are we from Sound?

“We just need to make it to Tenchi Bridge,” Kabuto says and my brain falters.

“Tenchi Bridge,” I ask because that- there had been no bridges from what I could remember of Sound, hell hadn’t it been the Land of Rice Paddies before it became sound?

“Yes, it’s in the Land of Plains,” he says.

“Land of- Plains,” I repeat because I had never, ever heard of this place in the anime or manga.

“Yes, right next to the Land of Rain,” Kabuto sighs, “it’s where Kusagakure is if that’s more familiar.”

“Kusa,” I say and stare out to the setting sun.

We’re heading to Grass, well Kusa is a hidden village like Konoha is but it had never occurred to me that the country they lived in was named differently. Wait- Konoha is to Hi no Kuni as Suna is to Kaze no Kuni, Kumo to Kaminari no Kuni, Iwa to Tsuchi no Kuni, and Kiri to Mizu no Kuni. Leaves in Fire, Sand in Wind, Clouds in Lightning, Stone in Earth, Mist in Water, and Grass in Plains- ok makes sense.

“Yes, there’s a recently established base there,” Kabuto says, “we’re too far to make it to Otogakure in time without being intervened. The base in Plains is our best shot.”

“How far,” I ask as I catch another whiff from the wind. The scents are faint but there and though it’s not stronger the scent is stronger than when we were in the village.

“A few hours, now hush,” he says and hitches me up higher as he pauses briefly, touching down to place a seal once more, “I need to save my breath.”

* * *

I feel like I’m missing something and as we continue, my nose out to sense our pursuers, the feeling does not go away. I’m tense and try not to flinch at every sound as darkness falls around us, the half moon lighting our way. I’m half expecting for the pursuers to catch up, for an ambush to stop us, hell for Kabuto to drop from exhaustion but the scents keep at a certain distance, the wind carries no new scents besides those natural to the forest, and Kabuto does not falter in his running. Dawn begins to rise and the scent of our pursuers is closer but so is the view of the bridge from the edge of the cliff Kabuto is now running on. The sense of me missing something has kept me up all night, nervous and a bit nauseous that if I can’t identify it something horrible will happen, but as the bridge comes into view it clicks.

This is where Naruto at fifteen and a half, just returned from the village after rescuing Gaara, would come with his new Team 7 to try to get information from Sasori’s spy. The spy had been Kabuto, playing as sleeper agent for Sasori but in reality he had double-crossed the ninja- no he had never been Sasori’s spy he had been Orochimaru’s all along. A tangle of web and lies awaited my Kabuto, further blurring and taking away his sense of self; I can’t let that happen, not now. I will be his bastion, his rock, the hand outstretched to save him from the nothingness of anonymity and one of the aspects to which he can define himself as. We cross the bridge in a matter of seconds and are off into the slimmer trees that make up the Land of Plains border to that of the Land of Fire. 

The trees begin to thin out the further we go until suddenly we’re in a plain. Kabuto stops, a little out of breath and a sheen of sweat covering his brow but he doesn’t look about to keel over. He sets me down and I stretch out from my cramped position in the sling and study the area. The plain is huge, stretching out over what seems forever, and the breeze makes the grass ripple in a way similar to waves in the sea. It’s pretty and peaceful and makes me feel exposed; I can see for miles out and there’s no cover, no mountain, no forest except for the one behind us, and no hills just sheer flatland for miles and miles.

“Can you scent if they’re still after us,” Kabuto asks, breaking the silence of the early dawn. 

“I haven’t been able ta smell them in half an hour,” I tell him.

“Good that’s- good,” Kabuto says and goes to lie down. He flops down onto the long grass and throws a hand over his head; he’s never looked more like a petulant teen.

“We can’t stay here,” I say as I bend and poke his cheek. He swats my hand away with his other but I can see his lips twitch. “Need ta move.”

“A nap won’t hurt,” he states and though I agree the sun will soon be a problem if we stay out here.

“Nope but we need shade,” I inform him and poke him some more. “You ‘n’ me don’t do good in da sun.”

Kabuto groans and takes his arm away from his eyes and I pat his head in sympathy. He looks tired but we can’t afford to be caught now, not when we just barely escaped. I look to the forest and the trees are all small and young but there had been a few thick ones not too far, surely one of them had to have a small hole we could settle in.

“I suppose you’re correct,” Kabuto cedes and gets up. “Had anything in mind?”

“Hole, tree, sleep,” I say and he snorts in amusement.

“Simple,” he says and I glare, “but effective.”

“Damn right,” I huff and march forward only for a hand to stop me.

“I believe I saw such a place,” Kabuto informs me, no humor in his tone or face but it fizzles in his chakra like pop rocks in my nose. Jerk.

“Lead da way,” I huff and motion imperiously forward.

“As you wish your majesty,” he says, voice utterly deadpan I can’t help but giggle.

We end up in front of a mid-large tree with roots going so far out I would have thought it would be bigger but it’s not. Smaller trees grow in between the roots and around the tree it looks like they’re guarding the medium-sized tree. There are holes here and there, some small and no bigger than the fit a rabbit while others seem to have a cave beneath them. The terrain is unusually rocky here, the cause for all the high exposed roots, but it’s just to our advantage and Kabuto finally settle on a spot to rest, one not too close to the tree but not too far out that the roots don’t provide any cover. Kabuto settles down and sighs as he bites down on his thumb and settles a seal onto one of the roots. I watch him as he does this, settled right next to him with one of his arms around me, the kanji neatly written despite the medium used and confusing in how he puts them.

“What’s this one do,” I finally ask after the tenth kanji is precisely written out.

“The seal or kanji,” Kabuto asks and I bite my lip.

This sounds important, like Kabuto is using this to see if I’m worth his time to teach and as he continues to write I try to read but completely fail. It would make sense if I asked about that one kanji I don’t know of but- if I only know one I don’t know what the whole seal does. The kanji there I know 5 of the now 12 written there but the rest I don’t, and the ones I do know makes no sense without context- what does the kanji for “up” have to do with what he’s doing?

“The seal,” I settle on.

“It’s going to be blank seal,” he tells me and I give him the look, he completely ignores it, “by blank seal I don’t mean that nothing is written just that it won’t hold anything.”

“But I thought seals were meant ta hold stuff,” I ask and he nods.

“Yes, generally referred to as sealing scrolls,” he begins and I settle to listen, he has his teacher mode voice, “like the ones we used at the lab, the real power is the seal written on the scroll. The seal doesn’t have to be on a scroll it can be on a book, a pamphlet, clothes, or even skin but its purpose is to hold something inside it. This type of seal can hold weapons like shuriken or swords, books or papers, chakra like a jinchuuriki, or in our case jutsu but the one I'm making not only holds the jutsu; it sustains it." 

“Seals can keep a jutsu going,” I ask in surprise that had not been something I knew.

“Yes,” he tells me.

“How,” I ask, utterly in awe.

“This seal will hold the jutsu but this kanji, the one for blooming, will make sure it activates,” he begins, “but without me constantly pushing chakra into the seal it would eventually stop the technique, if not immediately, and maybe even break it. Now this chakra, the one for tree, is indicating that the source of power will now be the tree instead of me. I only have to start the technique now but with this instruction the seal will meld with the tree and thus keep it perpetually in effect.”

“What’s this do,” I ask as I point to a kanji that looks like a roadblock.

“Those are limiters, they stop the seal from taking too much of my chakra and also the seal from blowing up by stopping it from taking in too much chakra,” he says and finishes his seal. There’s a blank spot right in the middle and the urge to draw a swirl in it is so strong I have to hold my hand back. Okay, weird. “This will help cast a genjutsu that will hide us from sight.” 

“Cool,” I whisper and utterly mean it.

“Very,” he replies and I giggle in the face of his mock seriousness. He goes through a flurry of hand seals and then slams his hand in the middle of the seal. “Fūinjutsu: Magen: Kokoni Arazu no Jutsu!”

I can smell the chakra being used, can smell when the jutsu activates, and smell how Kabuto’s chakra is quickly eaten up then gone and in its place the smell of burning wood; nature chakra being used. I can’t see the genjutsu that settles over us, only that it has and Kabuto collapses into the small enclosing that is just wide enough to fit both of us. We both fall asleep as the forest just starts to wake up around us.

“Zen-chan, wake up,” I hear and groan as I blink my eyes open. The tree’s shadow is over us blocking the sun that’s out in full force but not the heat.

 "M’ up,” I whine as I yawn and rub my eyes.

“Barely,” Kabuto says and I kick him, he laughs.

“Hungry,” I complain and give him a despairing look.

“Me too,” he replies and sighs as he gets up.

Stretching first, I yawn a final time and follow him as he walks. We stay silent, my hand in his as we walk back to the plain. The noonday sun does nothing to show any place that you can hide in. Where does Orochimaru have his base then?

“Where’s da base,” I ask Kabuto and though he doesn’t show it I can smell hesitancy in his chakra and nervousness.  

“About that I have not,” Kabuto begins and my stomach sinks, “well I have not been there.”

“You don’t know where it’s at,” I state.

He stays silent.

“We’re doomed,” I say and bury my face in my hands.

How are we going to scour an entire country to find the base? I’m pretty sure the reason the Konoha ninja haven’t caught up to us is because they need permission to cross between allied countries borders. If they hadn’t been allied they either wouldn’t ask or not bother crossing but seeing as Kusa is, or is going to be, an ally of Konoha the ANBU won’t have problems getting permission to cross the border. 

“We are not,” he says and I glare.

“Pretty sure da ninja following us is a tracker,” I state, watching Kabuto close his eyes slowly.

“Well I have a solution, I just need ingredients,” he says.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure there’s a lab just a few miles over nowheresville in the direction of nothing but grass,” I say, voice utterly dry.

 “I do not need a lab,” Kabuto informs me, “just the supplies and I saw a path just before we came here, it will lead us to a village.”

“Then let’s go,” I say and march forward. A hand on my head stops me and then turns me in the opposite direction. “Ok now we go.”

* * *

Well we run, Kabuto after his nap is more energized and I am too. He takes his opportunity to teach me tree-hopping using the Monkey’s Leap technique. It’s basically using chakra to augment your jump and cushion your fall. I stumble the first few times but he’s there to catch me and in no time at all I’m jumping from branch to branch, the exhilarating feel that I’m pretty sure is the closest I’ll get to flying making me ignore that sense of fear that would otherwise be screaming at jumping from such a height. Screw that side; it can go suck it with its fear-loving sense of caution and shit. We find the path but stick to jumping on the trees until they thin out too much we can’t keep using them as a viable way of transportation. We run on the path, the hours of training in the cave lending aid as well as some chakra help letting me keep up with Kabuto, who I am positive is not going at full speed. However, the sun begins to be a problem for both of us as we keep running on the road.

“Kabuto,” I whine and wince as I feel my parched lips split. My skin I am sure is starting to peel and though Kabuto is faring a bit better in the lip department his face is flushed red and if his skin doesn’t start peeling it will soon.

“I know Zen-chan but we’re almost to a village you can see it,” he says and he’s right, I can see the village from our spot. Problem is that I’ve been able to see it for a while now and it doesn’t seem to be getting closer. There’s nothing to see for miles, no tree to provide shelter, no rock to lend rest or shade there’s just grass for miles and I hate it.

“I’m tired,” I whine and wow, way to sound like a bitch.

Kabuto is tired too, I can’t just make this about me but- the sun is too hot, my skin hurts like a thousand bee stings, my lips are split, we’ve been running for forever, my chakra is almost gone, and my hair is messy and in the way and I hate _everything_. If I didn’t have more control over myself I’m pretty sure I would start to cry and throw a tantrum but as it is I do sniffle and look away. Kabuto sighs and he bends to pick me up placing me once again on his back. His coat scrapes against my skin making me hiss in pain so he throws me the scarf and I sigh in relief then immediately feel bad, what about him? Poking my head out I look at him and see he’s still flushed, one arm is holding me while the other tries to shade his face. The coat has no hood so twisting I gather some of the scarf and throw it over his head. He blinks then looks down and huffs out a laugh.

“Thank you Zen-chan,” he says.

“Welcome,” I respond and draw back into the relative shade of the scarf.

I drift in and out of sleep, trying hard not to poke and pick at my skin until I hear something. Poking my head out once more I look over Kabuto’s shoulder and there in the distance is the village. It has no wall, I don't even know why I expected one, but there is a torii gate where two ninja are leaning on.

“I have an idea,” Kabuto says and I turn to him. “Just follow my lead, and don’t speak unless I tell you to.”

“Ok,” I respond and lie my head down. Kabuto stops walking and makes sure my head is still covered by the scarf. Soon the sounds of people talking, a lot of people, gets louder as does the smell of chakra lingering in the air.

“Ho there,” I hear and try to look but Kabuto’s hand on my head prevents me. “What are two kids doing out here?" 

“We heading ta town sir’,” Kabuto drawls and I marvel at his ability to change tones so quickly. “Don’ suppose ya can let us through?”

“Not without the proper papers,” his companion says.

Ninja, perhaps not the ones who had been following us but still, whatever Kabuto's plan had been I hope it can deal with tricking a ninja. I slowly begin to pull in my chakra but it's not that necessary I've been using it for a while and have less than half of my usual reserves.

“Papers,” Kabuto asks, voice utterly baffled like it had never occurred to him such things existed.

“Why are alone in a road with no adults,” the older man, he sounds old to me, asks.

I can catch the underneath; suspicious, children as ninja are basically the staple but ones as young as us not so much probably but all the more to be suspicious.

“Boy,” the maybe younger man shouts and Kabuto flinches, though there is no fear in his chakra. “Answer the question.”

“Dead sir,’” Kabuto says and this time there is loss in his chakra before it goes away, I would have thought I imagined it if it didn't linger in my nose. “Our parents lived in da next village ova but they passed and I couldn't pay rent so da owners sent us on our way.”

Sob story, nice and Kabuto knew just how to add the right amount of emotion to his voice.

“They lived in Tōnō then,” the older ninja asks and I know it’s a trick question it has to be.

“No su’ we come from Kotō,” Kabuto replies and I relax at his response, he knows the Land of Plains… then how does he not know where the damn base is!? “I dun’ think I’ve heard of Tōnō is it near?”

“No,” the older ninja replies and I can smell his earlier apprehension abate but still there, still overtly suspicious of us. Good for a ninja but really not what we need right now. “Why is the child covered? 

“Ah Midori-chan don’t do well in the sun,” Kabuto says and it takes me a while to realize he’s calling me Midori. “Midori-chan, wake up. Say hello to these nice folks.”

I look up and “flinch” when I meet the shinobi’s eye; instead I bury my face in Kabuto’s shoulder, the scarf falling back into place. In the brief glimpse I'd seen of them the one on the left is older than the one on the right. The older man is the one more suspicious of us but the younger one, him I could sense sympathy among the cautiousness.

“Oh, sorry didn’t mean to scare her,” the younger ninja says sheepishly.

“She doesn’t do well with strangers, she’s very shy,” Kabuto demurs and I try not to snort in derision.

“Kitaro-san, these two don't mean any harm,” the younger man says, as he turns to the older ninja, “right?”

“Of course Tajima-san,” Kitaro, the old ninja, says and in my head I can see him frowning as his chakra gives away his annoyance and wary nature. “It seems like only yesterday the Third Shinobi War stopped and no more genin were throwing their lives away."

“Aniki,” I whisper in Kabuto's ear. I am fully aware the ninja can hear me. 

“Yes Midori-chan,” he whispers just as loudly and there is fondness in his voice and chakra; my heart clenches in my chest and I hug him tighter.

“What's a ge-nun,” I mumble, purposefully mangling my words. “And why they throw life away?”

Kabuto acts stumped as well and though I can't see the two ninja I can smell Tajima’s resolve waver as does the older ninja but not by much. We need to get inside the village to get Kabuto's ingredients! Unless- hm.

“Aniki, I'm hungry,” I say softly and Kabuto doesn't even need my prompting to begin.

“I know imouto,” he pats my head and I sniffle. “I'll get you something.”

“That's what you said last time,” I say in what I hope is a pitiful tone. Dragging every memory of when I cried I let the feeling build in my chest until I release it in a hiccupping breath. “Aniki I’m hungry.”

“Why did you choose to come to Kore,” Tajima asks, pity in his chakra if not his words.

“Well its on da way to Kusa,” Kabuto’s tone adds a d’uh to the end of that sentence. “We just wanna grab some things ‘fore heading out to see if some of our distan’ cousins can take us in. 

“So you're heading to Kusa,” Kitaro states and relief floods his chakra. “A lot of ninja in Kusa.”

“Yes, we heard one of our cousins was a ninja but mum never kept much contact with that side of da family,” Kabuto sighs.

There's a still silence as Kabuto keeps patting my head and I slow down my fake sobs. I scent their resolve before they respond and grin into Kabuto's shoulder.

“Go ahead,” Kitaro says, voice gruff and pointed, “we’ll keep you at your word.”

“Thank you,” Kabuto bows and when he gets up I turn and smile shyly at the guards.

“See ya in Kusa,” the Tajima says, face going into a neutral expression but the undertones of a threat is there.

“I'll be sure to tell Toki-san of your kindness,” Kabuto demurs and he walks forward.

We're in the village. As the ninja fade from my sight the sounds of the village flood my ears and I look up from Kabuto’s shoulder. There are people walking around holding grocery bags, women carry small children too young for school yet, merchants having finished setting up are hawking their wares, and small food stands emitting mouthwatering scents. It’s like I’m back in rural Guatemala and ache in my chest is small in comparison to my excitement.

“Aniki can we go to that one,” I point to a stand that has an arrangement of sweet smelling buns.

“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” Kabuto says and I sigh.

“But it’s what you are to me,” I tell him and he stills before walking forward, “my aniki.”

“Does this make you my imouto then,” he asks humorously but his chakra is buzzing with apprehension and hope.

“Yes,” I say firmly as Kabuto makes it to the stand and points to two buns.

“Thank you,” Kabuto says and hands me a bun. It’s even better than I hoped it would be, both the bun and the joy in my heart of his acceptance.

“You’re welcome,” I respond and ask to be put down. He sets me down and secures the scarf around my head so not a single red strand can be seen.

We walk around for a bit until Kabuto finds whatever it is he is looking for, which turns out to be a small apothecary. Thankfully we don't get into any trouble, as Kabuto knows what he's doing and charms the man into letting him buy some things. The rest I catch him sneaking into his pockets and sleeves and I'm currently hiding some sweet smelling pastes in my scarf. Not going to lie, I've stolen a few things before from Before; when you're poor and hungry you develop sticky fingers it's truth. Plus I'm not exactly an adult with a job and a full-grown body.

“I'm going to mix these then we're going to go bathe,” Kabuto says once we're outside. 

“Okay,” I ask.

“We're going to use the finished product,” Kabuto sighed, exasperated that I didn't make the connection.

“Oh! It illuminates scents,” I exclaim the pieces connecting finally.

“Not exactly,” he says but he's amused. “It blocks our pores so we don't emit any scents for a while, while also masking us in another scent.”

“Cool,” I say in awe, he's so smart.

“That’s why I got the lemon grass,” he informs me, “it doesn't grow anywhere else but in The Land of Plains so it won't be weird smelling it all over the place.”

“Nerd,” I whisper and take the light slap to my head. 

We find a park and Kabuto unseals a small mortar and pestle, I haven't seen those in a while, and as he grinds up out stuff I go to the swings. Hey, I may be an adult in mind but I'm a child at heart. There aren't a lot of kids but the ones there are my age or older. I quickly wrangle them into something resembling an organized group before nodding.

“Alright who wants ta be ‘it’ for this round,” I shout out. I'm going to teach these little monsters democracy by giving them a choice instead of picking the most pathetic looking kid, which in this case is a kid with buckteeth and a healing split lip, to be the one to chase people.

“Who made you boss,” another kid shouts, he's maybe a year or two older than me and has squinty eyes.

“I made myself boss,” I snap and place my hands on my hips.

Oh we're going to have a mutiny; well not on ship Uzumaki. You have to kill mutiny off and wow Orochimaru is rubbing off on me more than I thought. Grounding myself a shoot the kid a ‘bring it’ look and grin. Perhaps why I would never make a good mother or caretaker is that I treat children like they're small adults, as if they have made their morals and decisions and know what they're doing and that's not exactly a good thing. As it is the kid glowers and tries to loom over me but when I don't flinch he glares and tries to push me but I have chakra and hold my ground. Then I head butt him and he collapses on his butt, I've never been a nice person.

“I'm da boss here,” I tell him and try not to feel bad as his eyes well up in tears, “you can still play but I'm da boss.”

“Fine,” he mumbles and I eye the other children for signs of dissent but they seem properly cowed into submission. Good.

“Alright we gonna play a game I call Shinobi & Nuke-nin,” I grin and the children perk up. It's a bastardized version of cops ‘n’ robbers with freeze tag but it's fun and Before I had played this games with my siblings and cousins though by a different name. It's fun and by the end we’re all laughing and mostly it's a free for all, the teams disbanded and only the screeching of children having fun is heard.

“Zen-chan,” I hear and perk up from where I had been tying a kid to the slide. Don't ask me where I got the rope, I just found it.

“Yes aniki,” I chirp and skip over to him.

“Say goodbye, we're leaving,” he says, a small smile on his face.

“Aye-aye sir,” I salute and run back to the jumble of kids who had paused at the sight of their beloved leader leaving.

“Alright,” I shout as I skip to them, “I'm leaving so someone had to be my second-in-command.”

“What's that,” the smallest kid near me asks as he chews his shirt, gross but adorable.

“Someone who's in charge once I'm gone,” I inform them and they perk up. “So who's it gonna be?” 

“Me,” shout three different voices and I grin. 

“To the strongest,” I say and they look at me in confusion. “Fight it out!”

With that I skip away cackling as a scrapple begins behind me. Kabuto is hiding his mouth in one hand but I know he wants to laugh and when I reach him he swings me up on his shoulders and we're off. We manage to find a bathing house, not an onsen since there are no hot springs here, but we shower and bathe scrubbing the lemony scented poultice into my hair and onto my body before wiping it off. When we’re finished Kabuto once again carries me as we leave the village with the sun setting behind us.

“Where we going now,” I ask him as I lean my head and arms atop his head.

“To the base,” he informs me and I snort.

“But where is it,” I ask and he slaps my hand lightly, I fake sniff.

“I know it's closer to Kusa but not its exact location,” Kabuto informs me. “We can sleep for a bit but then we're heading to Kusa. I have a plan.”

“Good,” I say and bury my face in his lemon-scented hair. “Let's go home.”

Wow, isn't that a thought. I consider the labs home; that's fucked up but ok, probably not healthy either but as long as I'm with Kabuto I'm fine. This is fine; believe me.

We end up napping under the stars in Plain’s many open- well plains. The weather isn't too cold yet but the scarf helps a lot and being curled up to Kabuto does as well, plus I run a bit hot so I think I help him too. I wake up too early and am unable to go to sleep so instead I stare out into the open stars. They’re bright, beautiful, and so familiarly strange in that stars look like stars but the formations they are unfamiliar to me. There’s no Big Dipper, no Orion, no Scorpio, no Libra, none of the constellations I know are in this sky and it’s so strange and so amazing. I wait and watch as they spin in the sky until I can find a rhythm to them; I’ll ask Kabuto about them later but for now the sun is rising and we need to get moving but- letting him sleep won’t hurt and so I curl up next to him and close my eyes for just a moment- just a few seconds.

* * *

“Zenshi, Zen-chan,” I hear and blink awake.

A towering wall of stone meets my eyes and I gawk before fully shaking myself awake. We’re in an area littered with dying or dead trees and stone outcroppings small and large. The light from the sun barely peeks over the one we’re near and I can’t help but notice that this would provide good hiding areas for ambushes. There are the sounds of birds and the sounds of rocks shifting about but otherwise it’s pretty quiet, eerily quiet. The wind whistles as it breaks over the stone hill and there’s no grass here, only dry packed earth and rocky terrain, a stone plain. No- wait there is grass but it’s dead and it cracks under Kabuto’s steps as he keeps walking toward and outcropping of three large stone pillars shaped more like jagged teeth. I sniff the air and ah the burn of jutsu is in the air and I tap Kabuto’s shoulder then splay three fingers in the direction of the stone. I’m getting better at identifying scents after three days on the run.

“I am Yakushi Kabuto, Orochimaru’s right hand,” Kabuto calls out, silence greets him but there’s a spike in one of the chakra scents. “We have come here instead of Otogakure as we were intercepted by Konoha shinobi before we could get there.”

“So instead you brought them to us,” I hear and a man comes out of the stone. It’s pretty impressive, because it looks like he’s sprouting out of the ground like a weird plant made of flesh and blood instead of whatever plants are made of.

“It would be in poor taste to do so,” Kabuto states and I smirk at the implied ‘idiot’ in his voice.

“How do we know you’re who you say you are,” the man sneers, he’s tall and lithe with black hair and red eyes. He looks so much like the stereotypical evil mad scientist I want to laugh if it isn’t kind of effectively terrifying. He’s even wearing a lab coat with blood splatters on it, classy.

“Zenshi jump down,” Kabuto orders and I don’t even wait to be on the ground, cross-legged and eager for the show.

Bootleg Mad Scientist mimicker is going to get his ass beat by actual Mad Scientist 2.0™; Orochimaru is Mad Scientist Prime™. I grin and try not to blink as in the time it would take me so I’ll probably miss half the fight and- yeah I’m right because Kabuto goes in with pointed hands and the fake mad scientist is down before he even knows what hit him.

“This is one of the many reasons I am Orochimaru’s right,” Kabuto says, foot on the man’s throat. "It's not the main and at the bottom of the list.

I’m in awe because that didn’t even last a minute; every time I’ve sparred with Kabuto had been nothing, he moves so fast and his chakra scalpels are so deadly the guy probably didn’t even notice Kabuto activate them. He's only going to get stronger, so much stronger, it took the combined efforts of Uchiha Itachi and Sasuke to bring him down- not they didn't bring him down they just stopped him forever in an eternal genjutsu until he changed his very self of being. Panic grabs my heart, as I look at him now, so still and utterly perfect as he grinds his foot into the cheap mad scientist. The Uchiha’s have another thing coming if they ever think they'll get that close to my Kabuto, I won't _let_ them.

“Are we clear,” my hearing kicks back in and I startle as Kabuto releases the man. He glares at Kabuto and I glare at him though I doubt he notices.

“Crystal,” the man says and Kabuto gives a look, a very frightening look that promises pain. I want to learn it. “Clear sir.”

“Good, lead the way,” Kabuto says and pastes a fake smile that does more to intimidate the man than the 5-second beat down. “I look forward to working with you on the experiment happening in this base.”

“Of course sir,” the man grits out but doesn't get up, probably because Kabuto tore clean the muscles in his legs. “Sir, my legs.”

“Oh, dear me,” Kabuto says, fake smile still pasted as he sheepishly rubs his hair, “how rude of me, one moment.”

Kabuto leans down and applies the healing jutsu to the man's leg. Once healed the man gets up and bows to Kabuto though hate churns in his chakra, the smell like hot chili peppers in my nose. I sneeze and suddenly the man's crazy eyes are on me.

“Oh, is this another test subject,” crazy man says and I glare.

“For you information dipshit,” I say and though Kabuto doesn't react I can tell from his chakra his exasperation. “The name’s Uzumaki Zenshi but you can call me neither because I don't like you so consider this our first and last conversation.”

“Cute,” the man says and his smile is vicious and promises future pain.

Fuck that shit I am staying as far away as possible from this man.

“Kabuto,” I say and he’s by my side in instant.

Looking into his eyes there's seriousness there and I nod. This place is different from the Land of Fire base, a bit more ruthless and a lot shadier. The relationship we established at the Fire Base can not be seen by anyone else here, what he is to me and what I am to him that we discovered on our way here cannot be mentioned. I am a liability here; I can feel it in the crazy man’s jealousy and curiosity directed at Kabuto.

“This is Experiment Uzu,” he says and a stone settles in my stomach, “she is under my care and no one will touch her until she is of proper age to be experimented on.”

“Not even for preliminary tests,” crazy man says almost petulantly.

“I have done those already,” Kabuto replies and he picks me up. “She is mine.”

With that Kabuto walks to the stone outcropping and past the crazy man to the entrance of the Lab. Two guards stand outside it and they nod to Kabuto, not even giving me a second glance. Inside is dark and gloomy and though I can't hear anyone the scent of illness and death clings to every stone in this place, it hangs in the air like heavy smoke, and I try not to gag, as the stench is stronger here than it ever was in the Fire Base. I don't like this place and that's before I see the giant fucking snake statue with candles for eyes in what passes for a foyer room. It's huge and intimidating and I recognize as the place Sasuke first met Sai, the place Team 7 reunited at for the first time in 2 ½ years. The snake almost looks alive, the candles in its eyes casting flickering shadows over it that make it look like it's moving its head side to side. The marks on its eyes stretch to the corners of its mouth giving it the look as if it just ate something and blood clings to the corners of its mouth. I had never minded snakes Before, in fact I found most of them to be adorable but this one… adorable is not the word I would use, more like terrifying.  

“Orochimaru had this done to resemble Manda, the King of Snakes,” Kabuto whispers and I nod, unable to say anything my gaze locked onto the stone snakes. “That's his summons, snakes of all sizes and species, they've helped us a lot but they're quite feisty; Manda in particular doesn't like being summoned a lot of at all.”

“Snakes in the Hi no Kuni base,” I ask, remembering the room full of terrariums with snakes, the black mamba in particular.

“No those were regular ones,” Kabuto huffed, “if the snake summons know we were eating their eggs they'd poison them even though they kill their own young.”  

We stay in front of a snake statue for a while, just looking at it with fear and awe on my part and with respect and distaste on Kabuto's part. Crazy evil scientist wannabe passes by us and raises a bro but when he looks at the statue I can smell fear and respect in his chakra so he's not immune to its effect either. When he's gone Kabuto sets me down and kneels in front of me, I don't dare crack a joke the mood too serious.

“Zenshi, do me a favor,” he asks and I nod.

“Always,” I whisper and he smiles at me, a small bitter thing.

“Don't go wandering here without me,” he says and I nod because honestly the vibe here is too somber, too intent, “don't leave our room without me, never be alone in a room with someone who is not me, just- please be with me at all times until I can teach you how to fend for yourself.”

It burns, my stomach twists in anger and genuine fear and I want to snap and tell him I'm not a fucking child but- but I am in his eyes I am and I'm the eyes of the others I'm less than that. Strength is something I do not have, not right now, and it burns that I'm going to have to rely on Kabuto so much but- it's just for now, until I can get stronger, until he can rely on me as well. So I bite back my tongue and nod. 

“I'll be good,” I whisper and he brushes a hand through my hair and I lean into it. “Promise.”

“I'll take care of you,” Kabuto replies, a promise in his voice and chakra, “promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if I'm repeating myself because I feel like I am. I wanted to flesh out hers and Kabuto's relationship more and how it's changing and not. This chapter was actually really hard for me to right, Kabuto really is a very blank slate and honestly I don't even know if he actually feels a kinship with Zenshi or not or if he's just establishing another mask that only she can see.


End file.
